Test 2

Please select your preferred language.

請選擇你慣用的語言。

请选择你惯用的语言。

English
中文简体
台灣繁體
香港繁體

登入

记住我

初到 Fridae?

Fridae Mobile

Advertisement
Highlights

More About Us

新闻&特写

« 较新的 | 较旧的 »
21 Nov 2009

Bizarros: Luxury hatchbacks aka BMW 5-series Gran Turismo

Spotted, the latest trend among car manufacturers; luxury hatchbacks, created to target children-loving LGBTs and eventually the rest of the world. 

Remember the good old times when Mercedes were just building luxury sedans and some coupes, while Porsche were just focused on 911s. Those days are firmly behind us now as car manufacturers are determined to have every market segment covered. Apparently, this sort of “market diversification” is necessary to create more brand awareness and eventually sale volumes (read: profits). One would recall Porsche citing the introduction of the Cayenne as necessary for the German sports brand to remain independent.

The firestarter; the 2000 Renault Vel Satis

Call it shrewd business strategy or a twisted tale for survival; we have been recipients of some cars that can be interesting or worse, pointless. For instance, traditionally large executive cars were in the form of three boxes, commonly known as a sedan, or a saloon. According to Renault, being conventional was not an option for mainstream brands to penetrate the upmarket segments. Hence the Renault Vel Satis, a luxury hatchback with hints of a MPV back in 2000.

But how does one explain the 2009 BMW 5-series Gran Turismo, aka 5-series GT? A car that looked like a grafting the rear of a X6 onto the front of a 5-series saloon. BMW claims that the 5-series GT will bring us limousine legroom, SUV headroom and an elevated driving position. Is that truly possible given the shallow coupe-like glasshouse, which was a deliberate move to avoid the utilitarian appearance of a Mercedes R-Class. Yes, BMW has now two hatchbacks in its range, the 1-series and now the much larger 5-series GT.

And when a premium brand like BMW goes into the luxury hatchback sector, be assured that several mainstream brands will follow closely to its party (or funeral). Look at what Honda and Toyota is doing with the 2009 Honda Accord Crosstour (top, right) and the Toyota Venza (top, left). They need all these initial buzz in spades to succeed, before consumers realize that all they wanted are just a wagon or just a SUV.

Yes, these cars are created because there is some truth in someone’s market research that there are some people who will not pick a SUV as their next car (even though, they needed the “utility”). Driving a SUV has become a conspicuous affair for these folks, which we suspect could be vegan lesbians or new gay dads. Believe it or not, car manufacturers have spotted a weak spot among these LGBTs; infants.

As you can tell by now, the idea of a luxury hatchback is new and to their target audience, they are like infants, too “cute” to resist. These ugly but adorable cars will succeed among these children-loving LGBTs and eventually, the heterosexual groupies will start forming queues for one. And that will be automobile “HELL” for us all. Now, who do we blame? The French? Or the Germans? We’d say the Germans. The BMW 5-series GT has revived the “Vel Satis” concept with true abilities and some appeal.

There will be no mistaking the 5-series GT for anything else but a BMW from the front and rear ends. However, the single most challenging aspect of the 5-series GT’s looks would be the slab sides. The boys at Munich must be seriously wasted when they turned to the Toyota Prius for inspiration on how to design a hatchback profile. The penalty for carrying such massive amount of metal along the sides means even the largest 20” wheels can be dwarfed.

The BMW 5-series may look awkward, but it has certainly avoided looking like a MPV. Which it is most certainly not, when you realize that it carries no more than five, actually four in comfort and has a paltry 440 litre boot. And the shocking thing is that it is based on the mechanical architecture of the 7-series and priced as a 5-series. Just what is BMW trying to achieve here? More market mass to justify the development cost of the 7-series?

Mercedes R-class...uncertain looks and future

Or is the BMW 5-series GT conceived to take on the Mercedes R-class? BMW need not take aim at the Mercedes R-class, because Mercedes is clearly not doing so great with its oddball MPV. Latest news is that Mercedes will give the R-class a drastic facelift rather than giving it new hardware with the ML/GL in 2010. The plan is to give the facelifted R-class 4 years to prove that R-class II is financially viable. Clearly, we should be expecting the death cert of the R-class in the near future.

Given the success and dominance of BMW’s 5 and 7 series sedans and the X5 SUV, the existence of the 5-series GT just does not add up. Just when we are starting to rekindle our love affair with BMW’s new styling direction with the new Z4 and the X1 under new design director, Adrian van Hooydonk, they start pushing the envelope of acceptance. It’s most certainly not us embracing new automobile ideas, but the 5-series GT feels more like BMW is answering questions that no one is asking.

The failed class of bizarros; from anti-clockwise top right: Renault Vel Satis (2000). Vauxhall Signum (2003-2008), Seat Toledo (since 2004), Fiat Croma (since 2005)

读者回应

1. 2009-11-23 14:17  
Isn't there already a 5-sries Estate? Anyway, this car is neither here nor there... and what's the new front of teh 7-series and 5-series? they look like a pig's snout charging at you from the rear-view mirror... i like the previous generation cars better.
2. 2009-11-24 06:42  
Very nice, great historical references. But you forgot to mention the true inspiration of the 5 series GT - the SsangYong Rodius/Stavic.

And really, wasn't the X6 preceded by the SsangYong Actyon, the real "world's first-ever sports activity coupe"?

With SsangYong down the drain, no wonder the new 5 series looks so uninspired...
修改於2009-11-24 06:54:36
3. 2009-11-25 09:19  
actually you are right, the Koreans did produce a lot of such MPV like hatches: Hyundai Matrix and Daewoo Vivante. And yes the Actyon could have been the inspiration for the X6, they are still on the road. The frameless doors here don't look too sleek cos the door itself are huge, not sleek. But i think the most bizzare of cars would be the oddball, obscure and BIZZARE Fiat Multipla (pre-facelift), it looked like some sea monster on the road!
4. 2009-11-29 23:14  
I think hatchback is the IN thing now.. :D I prefer hatchback to saloon. Maybe if I earn enough, I would buy one luxury hatchback myself.

Actually, talking about luxury hatchback, it is not someting new. I think it has been around since the 70s. Since the 60s and 70s in UK, Rover always came out with Vanden-Plas option of their hatchbacks/fastbacks like Austin 1100. And they even had Rover SD1, which was designed ground-up as an executive car. In france, Renault 20/30 was designed as an executive car as well, and they are hatchbacks. But none of these cars ever had a worldwide success.

But now, seems that the major luxury brands have their own lux-hatches. And they even cross(dress) it with an MPV/SUV. I think I agree that this particular car doesn't have much point. :)
5. 2009-11-30 16:26  
Rather amazing that Chris Bangle's designs created such a stir (or was that controversy). In retrospective (which is all we have now that he designs are being phased out), his designs both stretched the box and gave life to what was a rather moribund design language.

Unfortunately, the new 7- and 5-series (and their bastard offspring) show you just can't keep the conservative, moribund mainstream down. It started with the current 3-series and it just keeps getting worse. However, in hindsight, BMW aren't the only German luxury manufacturer to go through a "let's regurgitate bad Korean design of the recent and not-so-recent past. Who could forget (or forgive) the previous E-class bum straight off a Hyundai Sonata.

Nothing to worry about. BMW, in these turbulent times, has chosen to go back to designing for the "Let them eat cake" clan. More power to 'em. Now, where did I leave my Bangle....
6. 2009-12-02 09:06  
the BMW 5 Series Gran Turismo is the perfect car for the Gay Daddy, where else can you seat 4 passengers, get great curb appeal and stying performance and still have room in the hatchback for Daddy's Polo Bag and Sticks and left over room for the twin's cello and violin cases
7. 2009-12-02 09:12  
@mongky - yes, a lot of those were cool cars, and some were even successful - such as the Saab 900 and 9000, the Renault 25, or the Citroen CX and XM. Those cars were progressive and looked cool. I think hatchbacks will be hip again, but it seems that - once again - only Audi is really getting it. The A5 Sportback looks great, and the A7 will be even better.

@slingtown - don't forget that the current BMW models were all signed off under Bangle's tenure, including the F10 5 series that's dull but at least not offensive...

Besides hatchbacks, a segment I'd like to see return is the 2-door station wagon. I miss my Volvo 480 Turbo! (And no, I don't like the Scirocco)

请先登入再使用此功能。

Social


请选择新闻及专栏版本

精选个人档案

Now ALL members can view unlimited profiles!

Languages

View this page in a different language:

赞好

合作伙伴

 ILGA Asia - Fridae partner for LGBT rights in Asia IGLHRC - Fridae Partner for LGBT rights in Asia

Advertisement