Pick a date. That is the awkward bit of “we should catch up”: finding a gap in two calendars, then deciding where to go. If you have cancelled twice already, sending another invitation can feel embarrassing. Send it anyway, with a plan your friend can actually consider.

Lunch near their office on Thursday. A walk before the shops get busy on Sunday. Tea at yours, with a warning that the laundry will still be on the sofa. Choose something you have time for this week. You can arrange the big night out later.

If a friend got you through a rough coming-out conversation, you may miss being able to see them regularly. Or perhaps you miss being able to talk about absolutely anything else. The Trevor Project’s 2024 guide for LGBTQ+ young people urges those facing trouble at home to keep seeing the friends who support them. You could invite yours over to eat and grumble about work, or watch the television series you have both been following.

Before booking a table, ask about the price. “Shall we keep it cheap?” is a useful sentence to put in the chat. Suggest a hawker-centre meal and see if that suits. If you settle on a picnic, sort out where to sit and how to get there. The patch of grass you have in mind might be a long walk from the nearest station, or leave a friend who needs a chair without anywhere comfortable to sit.

Group plans take more negotiating. Try a date that works for a few people and invite the others along. If one friend keeps missing out, arrange something with them separately. A group chat can carry on very happily while someone on its edges wonders whether anybody has noticed their absence.

Readers with a reliable friendship ritual, lend us an idea. Does a monthly breakfast work for your group? Or do you fit a chat around a shared errand?

The next time work swallows an evening you had promised to someone, send the cancellation and another date together: “I can’t make tonight. Could we try Tuesday at seven?” Then put Tuesday in your calendar.