Fridae

Much as it pains yours truly, Ms Scary must declare her long-time idol Celine Dion's new album Miracle: A Celebration of New Life to be one long weary lullaby capable of sending screaming babies into a stupor.

Touted as a collaboration between the Quebecois chanteuse and famous photographer Anne Geddes, Miracle is essentially a musical and pictorial tribute to the love between mother and child, and features images inspired by the songs and vice versa.

Photographed by Ms Geddes, Miracle marks a bold stylistic departure for Ms Dion as she flaunts her "I'm no longer skipping meals!" look and adopts serene maternal gazes while cradling wrinkled looking babies.

Her new improved image notwithstanding, the singer, who earned herself a place in the Guinness Book of World Records for her voice range capabilities, makes the mistake of forsaking her ship-sinking vocals in order to appeal to a target audience comprising sleeping infants and hyper-sensitive expectant women.

Consequently, Miracle comes across as weak and asthmatic as the chest-thumping diva caresses almost every song in her new album (with the exception of "If I Could" and "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face") with as much energy as a woman after twelve long hard hours in the delivery ward.

Other than mildly pleasing tracks such as the title track, "A Mother's Prayer," "In Some Small Way" and John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy," Miracle is filled mostly with baby-centric songs including "My Precious One" and "Baby Close Your Eyes" as well as "classics" such as "Brahms Lullaby" and "What A Wonderful World."

Ms Scary - who could hardly keep her well-mascara-ed eyes open while the album is playing - would advise all of Fridae's readers to give Ms Celine Dion's Miracle a miss - that is, unless they happen to be pregnant lesbians expecting their first child or gay men with overwhelming maternal instincts.

Yawn.