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11 Jul 2023

Are you embarrassed to discuss how you met your partner?

We talk with queer couples about how they got together.

How did you two meet? It’s a question your friends ask once you’ve told them the name and age of your new partner.

How did you two meet? It’s a question your friends ask once you’ve told them the name and age of your new partner.
That being said, not everybody is as forthcoming with the true details of the magical rendezvous.
A lot of emphasis is often placed on how you met somebody, because we’ve been sold the idea that it forms the basis of your relationship.
The secrecy around how they truly met might unite the couples who spoke with Means Happy, but they all agree it doesn’t define their relationship.
Kinky DMs
Justin met his partner through Twitter. Well, that’s the story he tells most people who ask.
“He and I had a mutual friend from Copenhagen who thought we’d get along, so he told us to message each other,” Justin recalls.
Sliding into the DMs, the pair began chatting over Twitter and the gay kink app, Recon, before going on a few dates.
“We’re comfortable telling other gays we met on Recon, but less so vanilla or straight people,” explains Justin.
There is also a certain stigma attached to people who meet on certain apps, especially from more conservative family members.
“I think apps just have a connotation of being seedy and entirely sexual, so it’s not great to talk about,” he says. “I tell family and straight people that we met on Twitter, because it’s not entirely untrue.”
An affair to remember
Darren’s wandering eye on the dance floor of G-A-Y spotted his now husband. The only problem being that Darren was engaged to be married to another man at the time.
“Meeting my husband through an affair isn’t exactly the gay rom-com we’re all queuing up to watch,” laughs Darren. “It’s not very romantic, is it?”
The pair locked lips and swapped numbers that night – Darren’s ex-fiancé none the wiser.
“I was seeing my husband for five months, whilst I was still with my ex,” he admits, saying that his former partner still doesn’t know the real reason why he broke up with him.
It was the reaction of his mother that made Darren stay silent about how he and his husband met.
“I tell my mum everything, we’ve always been close. She didn’t speak to me for weeks after I’d told her about the cheating,” he remembers of this “difficult” time in his life.
As a result, he says, he can’t bring himself to tell friends or family about the affair, though fear of rejection.
What does he and his husband tell people when they ask how they met? “We just tell people we met at a funeral, and that usually kills the conversation.”
When three become two
Ruby met her girlfriend, Penny, after having a threesome with Penny’s male work colleague.
“It was all very spontaneous!” she beams whilst retelling the story. “Penny and I had been chatting on Bumble for a few days and she invited me over for some fun.”
Ruby admits that she didn’t know there would be three people in the bed, let alone a man, but says the experience helped her explore her sexuality.
“Then Penny and I met up after that first time and it was just us two,” she recalls. “The chemistry was there and I knew we didn’t need a dick between the sheets to make things happen for us.”
She doesn’t tell her friends how they met because she’s too “prudish” to talk about threesomes with them; she tells them they met through a mutual friend.
“It was my first threesome and I’ve not had one since,” explains Ruby. “I suppose I’m a bit awkward when it comes to talking about sex and the thought of having to tell people I had a threesome fills me with embarrassment.”
The couple are still in touch with Penny’s work colleague, however. “If we ever get married, he will be our best man!”
From kinks, to threesomes and affairs, it seems there really are endless ways of meeting a future partner.
So, next time you ask somebody how they met their partner, perhaps take the story with a pinch of salt.

That being said, not everybody is as forthcoming with the true details of the magical rendezvous.

A lot of emphasis is often placed on how you met somebody, because we’ve been sold the idea that it forms the basis of your relationship.

The secrecy around how they truly met might unite the couples who spoke with Means Happy, but they all agree it doesn’t define their relationship.

Kinky DMs

Justin met his partner through Twitter. Well, that’s the story he tells most people who ask.

“He and I had a mutual friend from Copenhagen who thought we’d get along, so he told us to message each other,” Justin recalls.

Sliding into the DMs, the pair began chatting over Twitter before going on a few dates - quickly realising that they shared a love of Kink.

“We’re comfortable telling other gays we got together because of our shared interest in Kink, but less so vanilla or straight people,” explains Justin.

There is also a certain stigma attached to people who meet on dating apps, especially from more conservative family members.

“I think apps just have a connotation of being seedy and entirely sexual, so it’s not great to talk about,” he says. “I tell family and straight people that we met on Twitter, because it’s not entirely untrue.”

An affair to remember

Darren’s wandering eye on the dance floor of a gay club spotted his now husband. The only problem being that Darren was engaged to be married to another man at the time.

“Meeting my husband through an affair isn’t exactly the gay rom-com we’re all queuing up to watch,” laughs Darren. “It’s not very romantic, is it?”

The pair locked lips and swapped numbers that night – Darren’s ex-fiancé none the wiser.

“I was seeing my husband for five months, whilst I was still with my ex,” he admits, saying that his former partner still doesn’t know the real reason why he broke up with him.

It was the reaction of his mother that made Darren stay silent about how he and his husband met.

“I tell my mum everything, we’ve always been close. She didn’t speak to me for weeks after I’d told her about the cheating,” he remembers of this “difficult” time in his life.

As a result, he says, he can’t bring himself to tell friends or family about the affair, though fear of rejection.

What does he and his husband tell people when they ask how they met?

“We just tell people we met at a funeral, and that usually kills the conversation.”

When three become two

Ruby met her girlfriend, Penny, after having a threesome with Penny’s male work colleague.

“It was all very spontaneous!” she beams whilst retelling the story. “Penny and I had been chatting on a dating app for a few days and she invited me over for some fun.”

Ruby admits that she didn’t know there would be three people in the bed, let alone a man, but says the experience helped her explore her sexuality.

“Then Penny and I met up after that first time and it was just us two,” she recalls. “The chemistry was there and I knew we didn’t need a dick between the sheets to make things happen for us.”

She doesn’t tell her friends how they met because she’s too “prudish” to talk about threesomes with them; she tells them they met through a mutual friend.

“It was my first threesome and I’ve not had one since,” explains Ruby. “I suppose I’m a bit awkward when it comes to talking about sex and the thought of having to tell people I had a threesome fills me with embarrassment.”

The couple are still in touch with Penny’s work colleague, however.

“If we ever get married, he will be our best man!”

Take control of your narrative

From kinks, to threesomes and affairs, it seems there really are endless ways of meeting a future partner.

So, next time you ask somebody how they met their partner, perhaps take the story with a pinch of salt.

Reader's Comments

1. 2021-11-06 03:33  
Id never be embarassed I just want to meet one soon! :-)
2. 2022-08-30 13:55  
I met my partner at a very well known beat ( cruising area ) in Sydney 49 years ago and still happy.
3. 2023-01-06 00:21  
I met my husband thru Fridae personals. We've been together for 11 years.
4. 2023-01-08 22:45  
have not seen anyone here...I want to meet and share experience...
Comment #5 was deleted by its author on 2023-04-14 08:42
6. 2023-04-14 08:44  
Meeting people isn't usually the issue. Getting to know the 'real' them and working out who they really are is the hard part.

So many who claim to want a serious relationship, present as fluffy white rabbits. Getting to know them you realize they are really big grey rats.

It's important to see who the 'real' person is. You have eyes, use them. You have ears use them. It's not what they say, it's how they act.

Most time wasters give themselves away quickly. Learn to avoid them.

I've found Fridae personals to be a wonderful outlet for those seeking more than just a fast connection. responding to ads give you both time to get to know each other. The quick-action types disappear quickly. The long stayers stay...
7. 2023-07-12 02:20  
It shouldn't matter how you met if lucky enough to have met someone. doesn't matter in a bar, bathouse, dating app or form a friend. Love is in many places
8. 2023-07-12 11:12
I met my last (now ex-) partner at the airport in Brunei. Yes, I know, one of the most homophobic Asian countries, which really not the 'true reality of th eplace. But that's another story, for a future time...

He was to fly out that evening, as I was. He to Europe, me to Australia.

We happened to be sitting at adjoining tables in the only (at least then) good coffee shop at the airport. The rest just happened. Eyes met, eyes locked, conversation started. We both missed our flights. A month in Malaysia had us deeply involved in each other.

As it turned out, we had met some years earlier, in KL (Malaysia). He was then 19 and a student. I was well, 'mature'. Two nights togetherThen he went back to his studies and I flew home to AUS.

Until we met again. Nine years later. In his home country.

It lasted six, almost seven years. I've ended it now, sadly for us both, he is looking for a wife (to please his family) and I don't want to be part of that scene. But we both miss each other. We still talk a lot online. Sad.

I'm now single again. Maybe another flight to Brunei...

DANN

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