Are you too embarrassed to ask your doctor about the unusual bump on your privates or if a certain activity your boyfriend has been bugging you to try is safe? You can now send your questions to In the Pink, a Singapore-based non-profit network of health-care professionals offering medical, health and lifestyle advice for men who have sex with men (MSM).
Dear doctor, I will be having my first ever anal sex encounter (with a man) soon although I've have used a dildo once. This is a "dirty" question that I hope you can answer. How do you clean your anus thoroughly so that there are no bits of waste (or shit) during sex?
Dear Dirty Anus,
Since we are talking dirty here, let's not get squeamish or shy about this problem. No anus is clean and certainly no anus is famous even in its cameo role appearance. Scientifically speaking, the anus is not meant for sexual exploitation but since men have chosen otherwise, and I believe you when you tell me its a straight man that is coming, we just have to make the best out of it, and definitely lots of sisters and straights have derived immense pleasure from this seemingly dark and dirty hole. However, one must caution that it is indeed a likely source of infection though, even for sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS. It would still be prudent to practice safe sex when attempting the glorious hole-in-one. A condom not only gives you protection against diseases but it also helps your partner to maintain a nice smelling prick.
In view of the possible risks of sexually transmitted diseases, one would not recommend too thorough a cleaning of the anus because this might break the mucosal lining and thus increase the risk of infection. Honey, you not entering a "Miss smelling beautiful" contest. All you want is that hardcore sex and to tempt that straight man into romancing you and probing further into a relationship. A good way to clean the anus would thus be to gel your index finger (preferably gloved) and push it into the anus and give it a few sweeps. Another way to clean it would be to flush and squirt a little warm tap water around the anus and gently sweep your finger around it and inside it. Try to avoid strong detergents or soap as this would irritate your mucosal lining of the anus and may result in abrasions and its consequent increased risk of infection. Definitely no perfume is to be used around the anus. With time and practice, you will definitely be able to present a shit-free hole to the beholder and enjoy a whole new experience in lovemaking. Skipping the meal or a light meal before the intended sex play may also help prevent the gastro-colic reflex, keeping your colon and rectum free of waste.
Confidential STD testing
I would like information on doctors and/or clinics in Singapore that will do confidential testing for STDs such as syphilis, clamydia, etc. Likewise, I would like to know if these diseases are considered "notifiable" in Singapore and if so, are they notified as an anonymous number or is the person's name also notified to the authorities? Thanks. Kane
You can seek testing and treatment at the DSC Clinic in Kelantan Lane (Kelantan Polyclinic, Level 2). This is a subsidised clinic staff by experienced and trained personnel. Most of the common STIs are notifiable, though not by name/IC number. Only the number of infections is monitored for statistical evaluation and surveillance purposes.
I discovered a reddish rash side of my penis gland last week. I would like to consult a doctor but am too embarrassed to go to my family doctor. Would you recommend me a discreet gay GP?
I am a guy who has had sex with men. Though I practice safe sex, I am worried that I might develop some STDs. I had an anonymous HIV test done at the AFA test in Kelantan Lane Clinic. Is there any chance I can go for a total STD tests discreetly? Can you recommend any gay friendly doctors who do such test for gay men?
ITP/Fridae is not in a position to recommend named gay-friendly doctors on the net. We suggest that you and other people in a similar situation call AFA for such recommendations.
Hi there, I've been masturbating like 2-3 times a day and it seems like I can't stop myself from doing it everyday. What will happen to me? What should I do? Please advise.
Ever heard of 'Sisters are doing it for themselves'? Great! Masturbation is an art that has been handed (pun intended) down from the fore-queens of yesteryear. It is a fun way to relax and de-stress and yet keep clean and free from disease in this modern era of sexually transmitted diseases. It is often carried out from even a very young age of 12 or 13 either through a chance discovery that stroking that pound of flesh emits and evokes a sensation so unimaginably thrilling or through the kind recommendation of ones own peers in school.
So the next time you do it, do it in peace and free from fear of anything untoward that may happen to your body... and remember I am only an e-mail away....
Getting married and premature ejaculation
Hi, I am a healthy 26-year-old male. I'm getting married soon, but I have a problem with my sexual life. I believe I have this problem called premature ejaculation. I tried all sorts of methods available on the net to suppress this problem but unfortunately all of them just don't work. I'm very desperate in curing this huge problem; I don't want this to be a burden in my marriage life. Please help.
I feel troubled while I was reading your question. Your main problem of premature ejaculation has been answered in previous Q&A. Now what is troubling me is that you claim to be a healthy 26-year-old male who is about to get married. Get married?? Normal male?? Cruising the gay net?? I wonder if your problem is one of admitting your sexual identity. Sometimes in the quest to please ones parents, marriage has been undertaken to fulfill certain obligations. Hence when screwing the wrong partner, one tries to finish the job as quickly as possible, hence the misnomer of premature ejaculation. Are you having this problem? If you are, it is important to seriously think about your future and the future of the poor woman that you are about to marry and the likely children that you are going to have. It would be good to see a counselor to discuss your problems. It is not unheard of for men to change their mind and then accept their own sexual identity while at the same time keeping it a secret that only a few would know. You know, I know. Remember, many gay men are happy to be gay these days, happy to be a queen to be served by hunky subjects.
Aunt Single & Available. (Any takers???)
Too much pre-cum
When my partner arouses me, my erect penis always produces a lot of pre-cum. And I mean quite a lot. Sometimes it really bothers me, as I have to wipe my penis first before we proceeds to more intimate session of our sex (oral or hand-job). Is this normal? Is it an early symptom of premature ejaculation? Is it harmful for my partner to eat my pre-cum? Is there something I can do to reduce the precum-load? I'm 28 and very sexually active. Thanks.
I have heard of a lot of wet pussies but you certainly are the cream of the lot. Pre-cum is not a pre-dinner snack and certainly eating precum carries with it the risk of sexually transmitted diseases as well. So if your partner needs to snack, may I suggest a cookie or a chocolate bar instead.
Pre-cum is a very normal phenomena. Its the dick expressing its hunger on seeing food very much like salivation upon seeing a plate of Char Kway Teow and yes some people do salivate more than others, to the point where they need to wipe their mouths or organs before proceeding with the actual fare. It seems you are one of them. It is not a definite sign of premature ejaculation as I am quite certain you do not shoot your load within the next few seconds... am I right? Otherwise your partner would have already complained of having a mouth too full of delight. Of course your being young and only sweet 28 with lots of juices boiling and awaiting eruption does in part contribute to the ever-spilling beans. So perhaps a way to reduce your pre-cum would be to masturbate on your own more often like twice or three times a day (I am sure its not a problem for you as you said you are really very sexually active, unlike moi, where the only thing active for me is my brain... :) This way, the volume of sperm load would be reduced and hence there would likely be less precum. Give it a shot or two or three and see what happens....
Aunt Cumming of Age
Dear Doctor Olle, I have noticed that my boyfriend has 3 pimple-like warts on his penis shaft. I have asked him to check with a doctor but he told me its not painful & he's not feeling sick. I am worried because I will be sleeping with him. We sometimes quarrel because I suspect he might be doing some unprotected sex with other guys. He has denied all these. Do you think that the small pimple-like warts are symptoms of having a STD? Can it be spread to me? So far I have not gotten it ... Please help... Thank you...
Dear STD phobic,
These "pimple like" lumps on your bf's penis could be viral warts, or they could be other skin conditions. Warts and other skin conditions do not make one feel sick, so he has to understand that he needs to seek medical specialist advice. We would advise that you should not have unprotected sex with him (including oral sex) until he has these growths looked at.
You can go to the DSC Clinic in Kelantan Lane. http://dsc-sexualhealth.com.sg/tpl/index.html.
Itchy dots on dick
I would like to ask you about question about small dots just right below the head of my dick (i.e. the place where the shaft and head connects) and I realise that it actually produces something whitish I believe is smegma. It does itch and it is not painful either. I have asked 2 doctors but they said it is the glands (that produces the smegma?) but I observe that for some guys they don't have that. Why is it so? Is it possible that one's gland is more visible than others? Thanks a lot.
What you refer to is probably the pearly glands of the penile head (glands penis). Sometimes, they can be mistaken for penile warts. Pearly glands are normal and can be more obvious in some men. They produce secretions (smegma). To avoid itch and odour, one should clean the glands penis daily by pulling back the foreskin for those who are uncircumcised.
Too skinny and thin
I am standing at 1.73m, 55 kg. I have always been skinny ever since I developed asthma & sinus. When I was 4, I was both a healthy and plump kid. Got slim due to excessive of inhaler and medicine. Now I have totally grown out of that sickness.
Everything I have done was either based on advice from friends or on the Internet and magazines. I sleep early have enough rest & do regular exercise too but still I am as slim as before. I really am running out of ideas. Meanwhile I notice that I always get very frequent diarrhea. That doesn't last long. Almost as soon as I eat (exceptionally lot, etc... buffet ) I would feel like pooing. Pls advice, Thanks a lot :)
Dear Slim and Young,
I would do anything to have your figure!! Imagine all the beautiful clothes and tight fitting outfits that I can wear... Wow! But really, do not despair. Your body mass index (which is one way of measuring if a person is fat or not) stands at 18.5. That is exactly at the threshold between underweight and normal. Normal range is from 18.5 to 25. What is more important is for you to realise that you are still young. Now, I would pay my aesthetic physician a huge big amount to make me look 19 again. You know, when people are young, they wish to grow up faster but when you reach middle age, you wish to turn back the clock! Such is the irony of life. 19 is when your metabolic rate is still very high and in fact, you are still growing too. This accounts for you being slim despite eating a lot and adding those supplements too. However, when you reach the age where you no longer grow but rather regress, then your natural metabolic rate would start to slow down. This is when you find yourself putting on weight despite trying to eat little and exercise a lot. Believe me! WE have been there and done that!
What you have been trying to do is nonetheless still good for you, i.e., eating well, exercising and sleeping well. Continue the good effort and maintain that healthy lifestyle. If you still feel that you need to put on some weight now and look bigger while you are still young, you may want to consider going on some medication like 'cyproheptadine', which is able to increase your appetite and help you put on some weight. I have known quite a number of patients like you who have tried and exhausted all methods of gaining weight and who have successfully put on weight with cyproheptadine. You should however consult a doctor first to ascertain that you are not suffering from any diseases that could have resulted in your being 'skinny', e.g., thyrotoxicosis and diabetes. Go to a gay friendly doctor and you would feel a lot more comfortable. All in all, remember to be proud of yourself for you may be skinny only once...
Aunt Olle Phant (and looking like one)
Note: Selected questions and answers will be posted on Fridae.com without the senders' names and email addresses. In The Pink may respond to your questions individually on a case-by-case basis. All answers are provided by qualified medical doctors from In the Pink, a Singapore-based non-profit network of health-care professionals offering medical, health and lifestyle advice for men who have sex with men (MSM). The advice provided here is for educational purposes only and does not serve as a replacement to care provided by a health care professional.