Fridae

"Remember, Chiyo, geisha are not courtesans. And we are not
wives. We sell our skills, not our bodies. We create another secret
world, a place only of beauty. The very word "geisha"
means artist and to be a geisha is to be judged as a moving work
of art." So the wise Mameha (Michelle Yeoh on valium) says.

Thus begins the initiation of Chiyo's transformation into Sayuri,
the most popular Geisha of her time. Though Ziyi Zhang's eyes are
deep-water blue, it is no indication the film can transcend its
own shallow pool to become a creature of the depths. The general
sentiment of the film is a hazy-eye nostalgia for an ancient world
of strict traditions and order that has faded irrecovably. It is
also a rite-of-passage, for both Sayuri and a post-Chicago
Rob Marshall, to capture the imagination of the spectacle-drunk
masses.

In all its earnesty, this Geisha is prime Camp material
and this is what makes it such wicked entertainment. It is essentially
a piece of sustained cat-fighting in the regal and bombastic tradition
of All About Eve, with just a small touch of Elizabeth's
self-importance. Geisha, despite detractions from critics
all round — panning its utter hollowness, as if its source
novel is a definitive apologia of oriental fetishization —
will no doubt leave its teeth mark seething in the annals of the
Celluloid Closet. With lines like "I shall destroy
you," uttered breathlessly by the inimitable Gong Li as Hatsumomo
— Sayuri's rival — you can bet your money's worth that
you won't be hearing the end of it anytime soon.

Geisha leaves no doubt that it is Hollywood gloss painted
most beautifully. But with so many colours flying across the screen
like lurid verbal bitchery, with so many costume changes —
giving The Promise a run for its own pitiful box-office
returns — you would expect Geisha to be more than
an one-act drag routine, which it is sadly. With so many events
to cover, with such a long history to account, any excitment on
the audience's part peters out as the film moves along.

Fortunately, this is the only aspect of the film that disappoints
— it's length. However, if you left all expectation at the
doors, you would be throughly amazed at how adaptable you are suddenly
to Japanese speaking in English as if they have been under the tutelage
of their colonial masters all along. It is a film that truly tests
your forgiving nature.

Watch, and learn.