Butch gym bags. Rugged haversacks. LV tote bags. Or even beaded handbags.
Exhibit Number One: Gym Membership Card
Visit any gyms these days and chances are you'll find that gay culture has indeed arrived (and I'm not just talking about Macho Marys). With the increasing emphasis on looking good, any image-conscious gay should know that a gym membership could really pay off. With a buff new bod and a set of killer abs, you'll find yourself the centre of attraction at any gay pub or cruising hotspot. What's more, you can finally buy that lycra tank-top you have been eyeing for weeks. That is provided if you choose to spend at least as much time hitting the weights as you do in the showers.
Exhibit Number Two: Hair Products
In the harsh cruel world of gay culture, nothing constitutes a Glamour Don't more than a bad hair day. While gays may be the last people on earth who would need grooming tips, follicle faux pas strikes everyone, gay or straight. Hence, hair gel, mousse or even hair spray are must-have items. Whether it's to ruffle your crowning glory into something resembling Ricky Martin's new tousled look or teasing your bouffant coif into a gravity defying do that Divine would be proud of, there's no denying it: hair products are here to stay. Just one word of caution, go easy on the hair mousse or hair spray. You don't wanna turn into a flaming queen when someone next to you lights up. Literally.
Exhibit Number Three: Cologne
There's just no gentle way of saying this: body odour stinks. Whether it's due to over-active sweat glands, hormonal secretions or not showering after a sweaty gym workout, there's just no excuse for any gay men to smell like a week-old G-string. To keep those odours at bay, gay men are known to keep small bottles or atomizers of their favourite cologne handy for insta-freshness! Just remember to spray and walk through the mist as it cascades earthward like any diva would rather than bathing in liters of the stuff. After all, you want to make sure your scent is driving men wild - not away.
Exhibit Number Four: Fashion Magazine
For most gay men, fashion, glamour and self-identity seem to go hand in hand. In fact, fashion magazines have become the staple reading diet for most gay men (after international gay-guide Spartacus). Just open the bag of any gay man and chances are, you'll probably fill a copy of the following glossies: Vogue, Men Mode, Men's Uno, GQ, Wallpaper, International Male (skip directly to the underwear section) and so on. While of course we buy these fashion magazines purely for their intellectual and literary value, glossy spreads of hunky male models in designer underwear do make a nice bonus, hmmm? Just remember: when it comes to carrying off that new runway look with panache, not all gay men are created equal.
Exhibit Number Five: Designer Wallet
The wallet is the repository of a gay man's history and a true reflection of his lifestyle. Packed to the brim with credit card(s) and stacks of cash (hopefully), the designer wallet (often black, leather, with a handy little compartment for holding rubbers) is an accessory all gay man have - next to skin-tight tees. To fully understand the psyche of any gay man and find out what he has been up to, just go through his wallet. The more common items would include: ticket stubs to the local gay swimming pool, hastily scribbled telephone numbers on pieces of torn paper and of course, bills, bills and more bills. Whatever else the wallet may be used for, it remains the most effective scanning mirror into the lives of gay men everywhere.
Exhibit Number Six: Hand-phone
In these days of technological wonders, the hand-phone is a must for all gay men. With its multiple functions (and cute ring tones), the hand-phone has replaced even the trusty filofax as the essential item to help you stay connected. Since most gay men can out-talk even Barbara Walters, it is no wonder that the hand-phone is voted as the gay man's best companion (next to rubber toys and fag hags). In fact, the ritualistic post-cruising exchange of phone numbers has become less taxing on the memory and so much easier with the hand-phone. Besides, it makes it so much easier when pretending to take down the number of that one-night romeo you don't really want to see again.
God forbid that one be caught unawares should you face the onslaught of a rampaging cheesecake, right? Or be hit by a sudden urge to work out in the gym showers. Which is why many gay men actually carry their essential "supplies" in their bags. Not only does it allow you a chance to smugly lord it over friends who are less fitness conscious (watch their faces when you whip out the fat burner while they chow down on that greasy burger), it also allows you to casually fish for compliments. "Yeah, I lost a half inch on my 18" biceps so I need to work on them again".
Exhibit Number Eight: Sunglasses
Jackie O. Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. Lin Ching-Hsia in Chungking Express. The inescapable fact is that sunglasses are a must-have for most celebrities or stars. Whether they are a pair of Oakley's, Raybans or Gucci's, a stylish pair of sunglasses is essential to create that cool look and air of mystique (and of course, actually keeping the sun out of your eyes). Best of all, the right pair of sunglasses can actually enhance your looks (by covering up mountainous eye-bags or the fact that you're cross-eyed). In fact, sunglasses are utterly indispensable for gay men who wish to remain anonymous while cruising at the local gay hotspot or when they wish to ogle at cute guys on the bus without arousing any suspicions.
Exhibit Number Nine: Condom
If there's a cardinal sin in the whole of gaydom, having unprotected sex would take the cake. In the transient world of gay cruising and gay sex, it pays to listen to good advice and take precautions. So while celibacy or monk-hood isn't necessary, safe sex is. The rubber policeman has been around since the middle ages (in more natural form) and remains one of the most effective means of preventing HIV infection and other STDs. Available in all colours of the rainbow across a buffet of tastes and in different textures, the condom is the best companion for gay men engaging in some hot action. And that goes a long way to explaining why the inclusion of the good ole sheath file is by no means a Freudian Slip.
Exhibit Number Ten: Self-Respect
While other items may clamor to be included in this Top Ten List, self-respect is one item every gay men should always carry with them wherever they go. After centuries of persecution and with the on-going battle for equal rights, it is time for the gay community to affirm its uniqueness in this world and be entitled to its way of living. Having survived being a member of a community that's still regarded as being acceptable to hate in some parts of the world, it takes real courage to celebrate one's gay identity even in this modern age. And that, more than anything else, deserves - in the words of Aretha Franklin - "R.E.S.P.E.C.T.".
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