Fridae

AuntieTeck.com, a website connecting lesbian and bisexual women in Asia is seeking visitors after its move to its new virtual address. Fridae chats with the elusive lady of the house, Auntie Teck to find out more about her virtual home and where she's coming from.

About Auntie Teck

æ: Can you tell us more about Auntie Teck and why it was set up?

auntie teck: Auntie Teck was set up to facilitate building community between lesbians in Asia. While the net is unable to cut across economic divides, it can cut across geographical ones. The opportunity to connect isolated lesbians to the community seemed enormous. Also, I felt it was important that lesbians in Asia be provided with a positive "role model" - someone who would let you know it was great to be gay. In 1997 when Auntie Teck was established, there were no such places on the net. Now they are starting to spring up all over the place which is wonderful.

æ: How did the website come about?

auntie teck: Initially it came about out of a sense of sheer frustration I felt with life here. I have spent some time living in Western cities and I missed having an open lesbian "family" to be part of. I decided that the only way we would move in that direction was for every woman to do her part in building community. This was to be my contribution.

æ: How has Auntie Teck affected the lesbian community in Asia?

auntie teck: Auntie Teck has been successful in bringing many women together. As a community builder, the site has mostly been useful as a hub for communication between lesbians. Women who are
already out come to the site and learn about the community. Women who are not out come, roam around a bit, start to feel more confident about themselves and eventually take the next step which is to try make contact with other lesbians. It's great. I am really happy to see women find themselves this way and come to accept that they are OK.

æ: What are your basic statistics like? Which countries is the majority of your visitors from?

The majority of my visitors do in fact come from Asia with Singapore being far and away the most dominant of the Asian countries. Stats wise sites visits are down a lot since the move to the new URL - from about 200 hits per day to half that. Can people not find me or is it just that the web crawlers that are lost?!

æ: Have you encountered any difficulties of creating or working with a gay business in terms of governmental policies and societal pressure?

auntie teck: Are there any gay businesses in Asia?! Do tell!

---

About Auntie Teck

æ: When did you realize you were gay or lesbian? What was the process like?

auntie teck: I realized when I was 19 though I was a tomboy my whole life! Realizing was very confusing at first but eventually it was like a big weight off my shoulders. Thank god I never would have to go through a straight date again!

æ: Have you ever encountered prejudice because of your gender/sexuality? How did you deal with it?

auntie teck: I encounter prejudice with my gender all the time. Being a woman in Asia means dealing with a lot of annoyances and barriers. But as I look quite feminine, my sexuality has never been an issue. The only time my sexuality becomes an issue is on the net where it's all hanging out there for everyone to see! Then there's the hate male - the het hate male! But these people are quite ridiculous� mostly it's prepubescent boys trying to prove what men they are. How silly! I just ignore these fools!

æ: Are you out to family and friends? If yes, could you tell us something about it? Is it an important factor in your life?

auntie teck: My parents have passed away now but I came out to my mother before she passed on. I think what was most important to her was that I had happiness and she could see that my partner brought me that in abundance. She even told me we should adopt! Then again she also said it would be nice to live on a boat but she was quite delirious from the chemo at that stage so perhaps I can't read too much into her feelings from that time! Poor thing! I do miss her.

æ: Do you believe in monogamous or open relationships? Are you in one?

auntie teck: I believe that few women are equipped emotionally for an open relationship. Unfortunately, few are equipped physically for a monogamous one. For most couples, lesbian bed death seems to set in by year three. If you intend to last beyond that point you tend to have to resign yourself to no sex (which many women do) or having affairs. It would be great if only we didn't have such an emotional attachment to sex. We all fall in love with our affairs! So what to do? This is a tricky one for each couple to work out for themselves. My advice: don't make any hard rules. Time changes everything.

Remember: Belief in monogamy has destroyed many perfectly good relationships!

---

Auntie Teck's Community

æ: What do you think we need most in Asia's gay and lesbian community?

auntie teck: We need community identity. When more lesbians and gays start to see themselves as part of a community instead of a bunch of individuals who occasionally cross paths because of common cruising interests, then I believe we will see some positive changes.

æ: In the context of being an Asian gay or lesbian, do you have any personal role models/inspirations?

auntie teck: No. My role models cannot be defined by culture or sexuality - they come from a wide variety of backgrounds. They inspire me and I apply that inspiration to my personal context.

æ: What advice would you give to someone who is trying to come to terms with his or her sexuality?

auntie teck: Don't rush. Find friends who make you feel good about yourself. Teach yourself that being gay is OK. Read books, see movies, surf the net� Find positive gay influences. Your whole life you have been told it is wrong, even sick, to be gay. To unlearn this is hard but it will be difficult to understand your feelings of love or desire for a member of the same sex with this hanging over your head. Once that is no longer an issue, it will be easier to know yourself. You might then realize you are straight� or gay. Who knows? But give yourself time because it is a slow process. By the way: don't be afraid to laugh at yourself sometimes!