"Size Does Matter"
- Publicity poster for Godzilla
If there's one common preoccupation that links straight men with gay men, it's our indecent obsession with that piece of muscle between our legs. To be brutally honest, most gay men, despite our denials, there are perpetually assessing every fling or potential partner we meet by the size of his bulge in testicles-popping speedos or answering only gay personal ads from guys proclaiming to be bestowed with a 7-inch (or more) hard-on. (If you can claim, with a straight face, not to belong to this category, you're the Mother Theresa of gaydom).
On the other end, there are those who are blessed with elephantine appendages - much like the late 1970s porn star, John Holmes, who was reputed to be 12 inches long when fully aroused.
In a society where the size of one's penis is often equated with the level of one's masculinity, it follows (however erroneously) that the larger your penis, the more masculine you are. And in the gay community, the size of one's penis takes on greater significance since a masculine gay man (stereotypes not withstanding) is just about as hard to find as a witty straight guy.
To make matters worse, there exists a group of gay men within the homo-community better known to the world at "large" as size queens who assess and select their sex/life partners based solely on their prick sizes (all things else being secondary).
In the case of some hardcore size queens, orgasms can only be reached if the "instrument" in question is huge enough for their taste and/or body orifices (but I won't even go there).
Says self-proclaimed myopic Size Queen 1: "I just swoon at the sight of huge penises. Why anyone would choose to suck on something the size of a Yakult straw rather than a king-sized salami is beyond me!" (Ends with an exaggerated rolling of eyes).
Opines an imaginative Size Queen 2: "Unless you're a treasure hunter by profession, there's just no fun rummaging through the pubic bush just to look for some hidden rod."
(Does a creditably butch impersonation of Michael Douglas foraging through a jungle in The Jewel of the Nile).
Agrees incredibly explicit Size Queen 3: "My butt hole's huge enough to accommodate a delivery truck, so if a little Miata comes along, I'll find myself wondering if it's even in yet. Where's the joy in that?" (Results in yours truly almost partaking in the Supermodel pastime of hurling an entire salad).
On the other hand, gay men with Munchkinland-sized tools tend to find themselves the subject of many an arch joke and cruel ribbing.
Not surprisingly, while the size queen contingent are an ever vocal bunch, those who don't measure up (pardon the pun) are less likely to come forth for fear of exposure and being labeled sexually "inadequate" or lacking in one way or another.
In fact, a number of gay men whom this writer approached (based on reputed rumors circulating around the gym showers) have ended up giving yours truly stares that Medusa would have been proud of.
Thankfully, Henry, the only gay man this writer knows who is comfortable with having a shorter than normal dick has this to say: "Having someone you're going to bed with laugh out loud as you whip out your penis does nothing to your self-esteem. But if they insist on being shallow, I just tell myself they don't know what they're missing - and that, not my dick, is the real me."
Having heard from both sides, gay men who find themselves falling short (pardon the pun again) should not give in to heart-wrenching despair and resign themselves to inserting a wadded-up pair of socks in their jeans every time they venture outdoors.
There's a saying that goes something like "It's not what you've got, it's what you do with it, that counts" or "It's not the size of the prize but the motion of the ocean".
In other words, when it comes to performance, function is as, if not more, important than form.
Says Kenneth who has been dating his boyfriend Darryl for about a year now: "My boyfriend has a typical Asian dick - not long and not thick - but I assure you, he could absolutely drive me crazy with it - and for hours! So I guess desire and technique are more necessary for great sex than just a mere large tool."
In support of Kenneth's statement, my friend CST, who happens to be hung like a horse, actually does have complaints (believe it or not): "Guys who cruise me at the pool or at the sauna always seem to be fixated with my pubic region. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if they are only looking at me and seeing only my prick or if they could look beyond all that and see me as a person."
Once a man reaches adulthood, there is no medical treatment that will alter the size of his penis. So for those with unresolved issues regarding penis size, you can now put to rest all those thoughts of buying all available penile enlargement equipment or attaching weights to your penis in a last ditch attempt to lengthen it.
I mention this because in a sense it is ironic that despite our concern with size, we are pretty much stuck with what our genes have given us. Consequently, our best efforts should be aimed at being happy with what we've got, rather than constantly searching for something to improve our position in the size race.
Furthermore, just as there are different cock sizes, there are different sized mouths and varying gag reflexes, and there are certainly different types of butt holes.
In most cases, what constitutes a teeth-rattling orgasm often depends on the "fit" between the aforementioned endowments of both parties involved and definitely not on just one dick.
Given that most of the issues concerning penis size are psychological in nature, the real problem lies in the unfortunate fact that our hose-size are directly linked to our egos.
If you ask me, a cock is a cock and so long as they fulfill their main functions of passing bodily fluids and providing sexual pleasure (though not necessarily in that order of preference), there's nothing really wrong if you happen to have a normal or shorter than normal hose.
Thus the best advice this writer can give for those who are dissatisfied with their wankers is to try and remember the glaringly obvious fact that first and foremost, you are a complete human being - and it's the whole package, and not just one sausage, that draws others to you.
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