Fridae

Saturday afternoon brunch with my posse. For many of us, it is a much-needed time for a bunch of overbooked friends to finally sit down and catch up on the going-on in each other's lives. But more importantly; it is also a time for us to flex our bitching muscles by engaging in witty repartees. After giving the lowdown on the who's who and the so and so's, we inevitably train our eyes on the innocent street traffic and pick on any random victim unfortunate enough to incur the wrath of our attention.

Just as I was commenting on how a middle aged queen's love handles seem to flap in the wind like a pair of wings, David the sourpuss asked, "Is this all we can do? Bitch about everyone that walks past our table? We don't seem to talk about real stuff anymore."

Well, I certainly didn't know what crawled up David's ass and died to make him poop on our party like that because those flapping love handles seemed as real to me as they get. Fighting my urge to tell him just that, I asked him why he said that. Would he rather we be talking about world peace, global warming or (heaven forbid) sports?

Apparently something was brought into the spotlight at his workplace somewhere during the week. He was having lunch with people from his department and somewhere between the starters and the entrees, a female colleague whom he often referred to as the loud hailer on sticks broached the subject. According to her, no matter how bitchy a straight person is, he or she can never "outbitch" a gay person. It's like something in our DNA makeup that puts us on top of the bitch food chain, a hereditary bitchier than thou gene, if you will.

It is clearly an invalid pseudo-scientific generalisation. While most of the world is still struggling to accept the contentious existence of a gay gene, it doesn't stop some people from already ascribing certain personality traits to people in possession of that supposed gene in question. While David bravely defended his case that gayness does not necessarily equal bitchiness, the loud hailer asked him to recall when is the last time he went out with his gay friends where they did not bitch about someone and had a genuinely intellectual conversation. For the life of him, David cannot recall such an outing of late.

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Evidently, meeting up with us that day and watching our natural course of discourse had provided even more ammunition for his nemesis's camp. He's exasperated to see us living up to the unfair stereotypical label that has been slapped on us and he's losing his battle.

"What complete rubbish," exclaimed Sam. "We do talk about politics and sports all the time!"

"Oh come on, just because we gossip about White House scandals, drool over David Beckham's latest fashion makeover and plot Posh's horrible death and you think we talk about politics and sports. And we embellish, so it's never a straightforward discussion. Our bitchiness creeps in whatever we talk about," retorted David.

As much as David hates to admit it, he seems to be switching sides already. While I tend to agree that some of the bitchiest people I know happen to be gay, I refuse to accept the argument that we are all bitchy by birth. In fact some of the nicest non-bitchy people I know happen to be gay as well. So if it's not nature, what is it about the circumstances that gives birth to such a personality trait in some of us?

Jerry reckons that it has to do with how some of us react to a society that marginalises us due to our sexual inclinations.

"We know we are ostracised by society at large just because of our sexual orientation. So maybe over the years, some of us will acquire this overdeveloped defense mechanism that attacks others before they get a chance to attack us. We bring them down before they can bring us down so we already feel better even before the battle is started."

What started in the beginning as self-defense soon evolves into a way of life or even a hobby; just like what my posse and me do every time we meet. It's like a sport not meant for the thin-skinned, weak-hearted and linguistically challenged. We pride ourselves in coming up with inventive verbal insults to put others down and mentally high-five each other when we can make a quick comeback before anyone can say, "the bitch is back."

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To us, it is good harmless fun but to the uninitiated public, it may seem like we are all hateful people who takes pride in putting others down.

While we should remain proud to be who we are, I have to say that sometimes, the problem with this is once we get started; we just don't know where to stop. We bitch about anyone regardless of age, gender, race, sexual orientation or physical appearance. In other words, we are a like bunch of equal opportunity gay bitches.

And this I suspect is why the words 'gay' and 'bitchy' have become bedfellows since the first scene queen burst out of his closet wearing his grandmother's pearls and his mother's sequined platform shoes.

Perhaps we should pause and think a little since it is the beginning of a new year, a perfect time for self-reflection.

Is this what we want the world to think of us? As a bunch of spiteful people who will not think twice about putting others down to make ourselves feel better?

At the same time, maybe some of us should question why they take pride in their ability to put other gay people down, causing unnecessary hatred among us when we should be banding together to fight hate in the first place.

I'm not saying that we should all become Little Miss Emily Polite overnight but I think some of us should tone it down a little and think before they lash. As much as I enjoy engaging in a little bitchy t�te-�-t�te once in a while, I hate to see how much damage a bitchy comment can inflict.

So here's my suggestion for a New Year resolution. Reserve your bitchiness for special occasions only. Keep your gloves on but don't forget to sharpen your claws.

And if you don't like my suggestion, talk to the hand darling, coz the face ain't listening.