Fridae

Alvin,

I met a guy six months ago during a holiday trip. He is cute and straight acting. Since then we contact each other through SMSes. Last week, while on a business trip to where we had first met, I called him up and he asked me to stay one more night for him - so we met at the hotel room and talked for almost three hours, but throughout the conversation he didn't really reveal much about himself (like his occupation) and I only know he has his own business.

Then finally we did it, he enjoyed more since I did "most of the work." He left the next morning and asked me to keep in touch with him. Since then I'm thinking about him as he is my first ONS. Now I'm yearning for the moment we spent that night. We still remain in contact with each other. Do you think it's possible he likes me too or do you think he's treating me just as an ONS partner?

PillowSick

Dear PillowSick,

You are indeed a most rare creature - for you are an ONS virgin! (Cue: Collective gasp of surprise from gay community). Alas, as with most ONS virgins, you tend to confuse a one-night stand with the start of a wonderful relationship. Whatever physical or (heaven forbid) emotional intimacy you shared with this guy should be restricted to that one encounter in the hotel room. There's a perfectly good reason why they're known as "one-night" stands you know. So the unfortunate answers to your queries are "no" - he doesn't like you in that way (otherwise why all that secrecy and why make you do all the work?) and "yes" he's definitely treating you as an ONS partner. There, there, now. You can stop weeping.

The Last Hot Virgin,
Alvin Tan


Dear Alvin,

Been having this question that I really like to ask regarding my relationship with a guy I'm seeing for a month. I've been out with this 25-year-old chap for a month and we really have a lot of good times together (i.e. movie, dinner & dating).

I'm sure that I really like to have another LTR after my first four-year long relationship ended last January! I'm very attentive to him: I make sure he gets what he wants; receives my "I love you" message every few hrs; makes it a point to call him every few hours etc... But I guess I'm not getting enough response from him. I must always send him a message before he will reply and I'm getting more and more desperate for his answer as to where we're heading! I wanted a LTR and not just a good friend or sex buddy. I feel like asking him but I'm afraid I will get a disappointing answer from him� What can I do? Help me please!

D

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Dear D,

For any relationship to work, both partners should always take turns at being the "giver" and the "taker" (and I'm not just taking about oral sex). Tragically, in your case, you appear to be indefinitely stuck in the "giver" mode. As with all cases of "gay-givers," there are only two things you can do.

Firstly, "starve" your 25-year-old chap by withholding your attention and affections. Some guys just don't appreciate the things you do for them until you stop doing them. If your guy belongs to this category, he'll soon realize the errors of his ways and learn to treat you better. Alternatively, he may just lose interest in you completely and you'll never hear from him again (good riddance then!).

Secondly, you may attempt to cultivate your selfless and charitable persona and learn to "give" unconditionally without expecting anything in return. Unfortunately, unless you're the reincarnation of Mother Theresa (God bless her soul!), you're better off following my first suggestion.

Some final words of advice though: One should never settle for just any gay man because he happens to be available and one is longing for a Long Term Relationship. And one should NEVER EVER use the word "desperate" when describing oneself (even if it were true) unless one wishes to be regarded as a pariah in the gay dating circle.

A Giver and A Taker,
Alvin


Dear Alvin,

I'm having a dilemma with my current boyfriend. We are so compatible in many ways and are definitely made for each other. We can talk for hours and make love for hours too. We enjoy each other's company so much and we have so many things in common. BUT there's one problem that persists - he's insecure with the fact that I'm doing well in my career and that intimidates him. I consider him successful too as he runs his own web company. Because of this, he refuses to meet my close friends while I'm required to meet his occasionally. I am lost as to how to handle this situation as it seems to be affecting my friendship with my close friends. At times, I really resent his attitude. What more can I do to reassure him that he's my chosen one and there's absolutely no issue with our status?

So-In-Love

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Oh So-In-Love,

Unless you belong to the Royal Family tree, the issue of incompatibility arising from differing social status should never even arise. Even then, one wonders whether such a stance is still applicable in these modern times when an ageing Prince with trophy handles for ears can date an equine-resembling Commoner but I digress.

It may be possible that your boyfriend equates being the top man in the relationship with who's "bringing home more bacon" and feels threatened by a bossy bottom who happens to command a higher salary (I'm merely using an example to illustrate my point and not implying that you are one of course). If that's the case, you may wish to lie about the size of your pay cheque and go easy on the self-gratifying tales of corporate success.

Having said that, your partner's insecurity (if that is truly what it is) regarding your elevated "status" is puzzling especially when it is extended to include your circle of friends. So unless all your friends appear regularly in the local Tatler magazine, are on the list of Top Ten CEOs and are blessed with Supermodel genes, there's no conceivable reason why he's behaving the way he does. The only plausible reason would be that he has slept with every single one of your friends and would like to save you from the embarrassment that comes with the revelation.

Oh So-In-Sightful,
Alvin Tan


Dearest Alvin

There's this guy who sends me hearts almost everyday and his picture shows that he's really gorgeous. However, when I send him emails, he's very curt in his replies and it seems that he isn't interested in me. I think I've fallen for him and tried not to contact him (since he refused to leave any contacts except for his Fridae email) - but still, he sends me a heart everyday! Plus his profile says he's single! So why must he torment me by sending me hearts daily and yet refusing to let me contact him? What is he trying to do?

Too-Many-Hearts

Dear Too-Many-Hearts,

Question: How gullible can you be? Answer: Very. From the looks of things.

Forgive me from saying this but falling in love with a profile - as opposed to a real person - is a sad, sad thing. Haven't you learnt never to trust what you see and what you read on Internet profiles? Even if his profile is true-to-life, he could be a cyber flirt who enjoys sending hearts to strangers or a heartless sadistic creep who enjoys "tormenting" innocent "girls" such as yourself by tempting you with his "gorgeous" but unattainable self. Do not fall prey to such tactics. Get a grip on yourself and erase all traces of his existence by deleting his worthless hearts.

Setting Hearts A-Flutter,
Alvin Tan

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Dear Alvin,

Recently, I started dating this guy who is fairly good-looking for a couple of weeks, but rather nervous all the time. At the beginning I thought it was just first date jitters since I'm a pretty good catch. But now, I think it has to do with his inability to have sex. He's good at foreplay and all that stuff but when it comes to the actual act, his dick goes limp. This has happened a couple of times and I've had enough. I'm so ready to kick him and his limp dick out the door. But what should I say to him? Please help.

Limping On

Dear Limping On,

Many gay men have found themselves in the unenviable position of having to witness their partners' pee-pee withdrawing back into the pubic bush like a shy turtle at that crucial sexual moment. Unfortunately, as a sex bomb capable of inducing lusty stirrings in the loins of even the most steadfast monk, I am unable to empathise with your dilemma. Nonetheless, I shall try.

So here goes: When confronted with a fling/partner whose "best friend" has let him "down," any sensitive and compassionate gay man will spare a thought for the other party's feelings and not tell him the real reason behind the breakup. The more kindly ones may even blame themselves for failing to arouse their flings/partners.

From your writing style, you are clearly neither "sensitive" nor "compassionate." So go ahead, spit out the real reason to his face and then just walk away. If you don't wish to cause a scene, just dump him without a word. Since you've been dating this guy for only a couple of weeks, you really don't owe him any explanation. Once that's done, you can finally go find yourself a nice "hard" man.

Up, Up and Away!
Alvin Tan

Do you seek deliverance from your problems with your boyfriend/ girlfriend/ one-night stand? Do you spend sleepless nights wrestling with your sexuality/ religion/ sex partner? Then email your queries to Ask Alvin at editor@fridae.com and have your burdens lifted by Alvin's advice.