When I was but a budding faggot, I used to dream of the day I would see same sex couples walking hand-in-hand down the streets of Singapore with their heads held high.
In my innocent reverie, I thought that it would be wonderful if, like everyone else, same sex couples had the opportunity to love that openly (and secretly prayed that one day I would be able to experience that too).
Scene from The L Word, Showtime's newest lesbian drama about a group of young women in Los Angeles.
When asked about why Singaporean lesbians today are getting bolder and more expressive in public, lesbian Michelle explained that it's a matter of "increased confidence about self-identity" and added that "when you're in love, you want to touch the person all the time and you want the world to know!"
By throwing caution to the wind and declaring their affections for their partners in an open and in-your-face manner, our Sapphic sisters have shown that they are way ahead of their gay brothers (and sisters) who remain hidden in their closets - at least where PDA is concerned.
The fact that lesbians are more forthcoming than gay men in showering their partners with public affection could be attributed to the fact that many Singaporean men (both heterosexual and homosexual) and women still subscribe to (outdated) Asian notions of masculinity and femininity.
The female gender, in general, is perceived and accepted to be more affectionate than its male counterpart. That is why no one bats an eyelid when he or she is accosted with the sight of giggling schoolgirls holding hands or grown women interlocking arms while out shopping.
According to lesbian career woman Jane Tan, any public display of male homosexuality is frowned upon because it challenges "traditional patriarchal values" that are still prevalent in Asian societies such as Singapore. In a sense, she added that "lesbians have it easier because these selfsame societies also tend to be more forgiving towards woman-woman relationships and would rather turn a blind eye."
Then there is also the issue of the gay man's preoccupation with masculinity and how it conflicts with the very notion of PDA - or as Michelle explained: "Lesbians don't have to be macho. Gay men probably feel they lose their masculinity if they engage in PDA."
Ironically, PDA is one of the channels through which some butches assert their masculinity. Fellow butch Lemon81 commented that: "PDA is very common in dyke-femme pairings because dykes tend to be more confrontational. It's as if they kiss or touch their partners in public because they want to mark their 'territory' while challenging heterosexual assumptions and mindsets."
However, it also appears that PDA is more common amongst the younger generation of lesbians in Singapore. For instance, Dyke 23 observed that: "It's just the young ones who're getting a lot more open. A lot of them are schoolgirls, and it's a way of life in some all-girls schools. When the school environment seems to condone or even encourage affections between females, then it will spill over to the public arena as well."
Having said that, Dyke 23 added: "I think the older ones would have more of an aversion towards public displays of affection, though some still do it in the company of their friends because there is security in numbers."
Unfortunately, lesbians who chose to engage in PDA have not found the experience (or experiences) to be entirely smooth sailing. In Lemon81's case, she found herself at the receiving end of sniggers, catcalls and rude gestures the likes of "sticking one's finger down one's throat."
Likewise, when being publicly affectionate, Dyke 23 found herself the target of negative reactions: "I've heard some nasty comments such as 'Disgusting lesbians!' and received some really ugly reactions (though non-violent)."
Disagreeing with Lemon81 and Dyke 23, Michelle claimed that in most cases, when confronted with the sight of two lesbians playing tonsil hockey or engaging in acts of physical intimacy, most Singaporeans "will look but they will not go beyond looking."
In a surprising twist, when asked for their reactions on the issue of PDA amongst gay men, the lesbian community appears to be divided into two camps. On the one side, there are pro-gay PDA supporters such as Jane Tan and Michelle, the latter who said: "I would think it's real sweet."
On the other side, there are detractors such as Dyke 23 who said: "I think I may be quite taken aback but I would be torn between wanting to support them and frowning on them. I guess PDA (amongst gay men) in an Asian society has always been frowned upon and drawing this kind of attention may create negative repercussions for the gay community. Although Singaporeans are opening up, we still cannot deny the fact that there are still quite a few homophobes and conservatives around, even within our own communities."
Having heard from our lesbian friends, permit me to offer my personal take on the issue. As a gay man with a romantic inclination, I must confess that the sight of lesbian and gay couples in public holding hands, sitting with their arms around one another or exchanging loving pecks on the cheek are true Hallmark moments for me.
However, I draw the line when the action threatens to get hot and heavy - in public. If slurping noises are heard, clothes get unbuttoned, bras get unhooked and private orifices get explored - then it crosses over to the realm of public exhibitionism.
At that point, when PDA becomes more about putting on a "live" show (with the words "Adult Content! Parental Discretion Advised!" flashing in neon lights) in front of a public audience, then the parties involved should really consider doing whatever they're doing in private. If not, they'll find themselves either ending up being a magnet for voyeurs (if they're lucky) or getting arrested for public indecency (if they're unlucky).
As gay men and women, we should make it an effort to live our lives openly and combat bigotry and homophobia by showing the world that being affectionate is a basic human need - regardless of whether you are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or transsexual.
Although we should have the freedom to openly display our affections for one another, we should also ensure that such displays are done in good taste and with dignity and respect for ourselves and for the people around us.
As a parting note, perhaps it would be wise to take into account Meryl Cohn's (author of Do What I Say: Ms Behavior's Guide to Gay & Lesbian Etiquette) advice when she says: "Public affection should be practiced with a sense of style If you need to know when you're going over the top, it's best to behave in public as you would in front of your mother - assuming your mother is somewhat hip."
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