Fridae

Gay men aren't afraid to say what they like.

Who cares if it's PC or not? White boys who like Asians are proud to crown themselves rice queens; Asians who fancy white meat rejoice in being a potato queen; while Asians who only get hard for their fellow race swan about as sticky rice.

Just check out some of the names on fridae. There's ricenbeanqueen, riceboy, riceloverla, riceater, ricesucker, NYCstickyrice, ricemonkey, beef4rice. And my personal favourite - Riceqween (oogabooga). No other starch gets a look in!

But how about the girls? Are there white dykes out there who only ogle oriental chicks? And where are the Asian lesbians who prefer potatoes?

If you're not sure which one you are, answer this question. Who would you rather bed, Angeline Jolie or Jenny Shimizu?

I must confess to being a chip off the old block myself. Shimizu would win pants down. For about a decade I exclusively dated Asian girls. Part of the reason was simply supply. Living in Hong Kong and China there were a lot of Asian dykes and not many blue-eyed, blonde-haired hussies to chase. Well, there was one. But she was German. And irreversibly mad.

But, even given the choice, I think I'd still order rice. But why?

Asian girls just do it for me. They have perfected androgyny to a t. They have more boyish figures and clean lines - narrow hips, a flatter chest and high cheekbones. The extremes of sex - voluptuous lipstick lesbians and beefy man dykes -- leave me cold. But the lean, mean androgyne is my queen.

I sound superficial, but when the pants are off, the mechanics of attraction, whether we like it or not, are built from such shallow rules.

I ask Mr M, an outrageous, flirtatious Chinese fag, why he loves white boys. "Because they have bigger cocks," he smiles. "And they're cuter."

That's nice.

Perhaps the whole rice/potato queen phenomenon is just an extension of the whole gay-lesbian identity. Isn't a racial preference just an extreme form of sexual preference? As a dyke I desire women. And as a rice queen dyke, I desire Asian lesbians.

Ms P, a Chinese dyke living in Australia, says she that while she thinks rice and potato queens exist in the lesbian world, it's probably not because of racial differences in body type as it is for the boys.

"I think to a certain extent, the potato/rice phenomenon exists in all kinds of dating culture," she muses. "It's probably not as established in the dyke culture as it is in the fag culture though. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe - and this is just a grope in the dark, one in a million, not out to offend anyone - it's because for boys, ethnicity and, uh, physical endowments more often than not go hand in hand. Chicks probably don't have that problem."

I also find Asian girls less intimidating. I'm small. And I prefer to have a roll in the hay with someone who's unlikely to either crush me or give me a slipped disc maneuvering into place for a spot of 69'ing. Asian girls, on average, are more petite than ponderous. And I like that.

If you would prefer I dig a little deeper� and harder - and I know you do - a taste for rice may come from a desire to explore the unknown. To a potato, rice is exotic. And the exotic is erotic.

I ask Fan Laoshi, a European queer, why he is an incorrigible rice queen.

"Maybe because they are different, so they will always be slightly mysterious to me," he smiles. "And maybe because their culture is different to mine, there is always that curiosity to find out what kind of person is behind the exterior. If I look at a white man, because I'm familiar with his cultural background, perhaps he is no longer mysterious to me. I can probably guess what he is thinking� But with someone from another culture that is not necessarily the case, so there is always a sense of the mysterious."

He adds: "I often think that most people who prefer people of other races are, in the main, adventurous people, or people who are interested in other cultures. These people are attracted to the exotic, and they always want to try something different."

An extreme case of opposites attract.

But some dykes say they develop a taste for rice, or potato, because that's what they are used to. Rather than contempt, familiarity breeds attraction.

Jockie, who is Eurasian, says she's instinctively attracted to white women. "I think part of it reflects the demographics of the neighbourhood where I grew up - Vancouver -- I was the only Asian kid around.

"And part of it is just that white dyke style is so visible and familiar. It's had longer to develop, and thanks to media and the Internet, it's been internationalised. The crazy hair, the piercings, the tattoos�For some reason, it's easier for me to spot a white homo than an Asian one - and so that's the one I end up cruising."

And then there's the extreme case.

Ms L, a British lesbian, who's had two relationships with Chinese women, but never with a white chick, says she wouldn't know what to do if she had to change.

"I'm probably a bit scared of western lesbians now," she jokes.

Perhaps it's a question of culture. Some potato queens say they prefer white dykes because they are more adventurous.

Says Ms P: "Actually I tend towards being a potato queen/king just because I find that most Asians tend to be more sheltered and conservative. I went out with a girl I knew in school [from Singapore] and we went out for quite a while. Crazy in love bit aside, it just got more and more stifling, and she started thinking I was weird for always wanting to leave and I just hated how she didn't want to leave Singapore. Fair enough, not ALL Asians are like that, but... there's just something about them that doesn't challenge me enough; almost as though they don't share the same excitement of being alive I have sometimes.

"I'm trying not to make sweeping statements, but I do feel that people of the western culture are more stimulating."

Perhaps dating cross-culture also makes life simpler. If you don't speak the same language it's really hard to argue. You spend more time making love than making conversation. That's great if you want passion, but not so useful if you want a long-term relationship.

Commitment phobes will recognise the signs - a tendency to chase girls that are hot but not good relationship material. What kind of lasting partnership can you have with someone where conversation is restricted to "hello", "sorry", and "let me help you off with that"?

Thriller novelist and gay essayist John F Rooney says we shouldn't think too hard about the reasons behind this phenomenon.

"Love makes the world go round, and, in the end love will conquer all," he says. "The real rice queen is a lover, plain and simple."