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13 Dec 2009

10 cars your first date should NOT be driving

Going on a first date? Fridae gives you a list of top 10 cars your date should NOT be driving. For any single gay man to drive any of these cars, there has to be a sub-plot that will ruin any relationship. Read on to avoid awkward breakups and even death.  

(The cars are arranged in alphabetical order.)

Audi Q7

 

What is it? An enormous 7-seater SUV with the most imposing frontal design.

What you might think: He must be: 1) Doing well 2) Cares for his (nuclear-sized) family.

What we know: Let’s face it, why would a single gay man buy such a large SUV for? Blame it on his insecurity of his penile size. The Bigger the car the Smaller the equipment; over-compensating acts like these means bad sex ahead. Run!

 

BMW 323i

 

What is it? The BMW 3-series coupes are still rated as the ultimate driving tool, but in less sexy clothes these days.

What you might think: He must be a really good driver and is passionate in the things he does.

What we know: The same 2.5L engine is installed in both the 323i and the 325i, but in different state of tune. He forgoes 41 extra horsepower to save a mere S$3,000. He might just give your friends socks at a Christmas party.

 Fiat Doblo

 

What is it? Euro-commercial van and an extremely ugly one at that.

What you might think: Looks like you will be getting hot car sex tonight behind at the Doblo’s spacious cargo bay.

What we know: Looks like you will be chopped into pieces at the spacious cargo bay of Doblo.

 Lamborghini Murcielago Reventon

 

What is it? A limited run of 20 in LHD (All were taken up for silly money) And there are rumours that one found its way to Asia.

What you are thinking: My date is driving the ultimate porn star’s car. The sex will be out of this world, just like his car!

What we know: He will appear very distracted by the attention he and his Reventon is getting. And you will be just a tool to bait his next sex-date.

 Lexus IS250C

 

What is it? Lexus (failed) attempt to sex up the IS range with first drop since the rather odd SC430. Boasts the fastest roof and the biggest boot among coupe-cabriolets.

What you might think: This coupe cabriolet looks a bit dumpy, but it should be quiet inside. He could be looking for a long term peaceful relationship, just like me.

What we know: Your second date onwards will be at a golf driving range: as he introduces you to his favourite and only hobby, golf. The CC thing was his bait.

 Porsche Cayman S

 

What is it? The Cayman S is Porsche’s extremely fine handling mid-engined sportscar.

What you might think: Why not a 911? He must be too desperate for a Porsche batch.

What we know: The Cayman S remains second fiddle to the 911 because Porsche wants the 911 to remain its top dog. The man knows his cars. But you should still leave, the typical Porsche-man are usually more into driving, than driving you.

 Proton Evora

What is it? A MPV from our neighbours from the north.

What you might think: Wow, you must have a big family at home, right?

What we know: A bi-sexual man who is clearly not doing so well financially. He probably needs the Evora to ferry the 3 kids he has fathered. Drama PaPa.

 Subaru Outback

What is it? Subaru’s brand new jacked-up station wagon.

What you might think: This explains the Crocs he is wearing now.

What we know: I think this time: even the lesbians might find this one too bland and way too ugly. Are sure you can be seen in the streets with him? Worse, your friends will laugh (at you) very hard.

 Toyota Camry

What is it? Singapore’s favourite big Japanese brand family car that is made in Thailand.

What you might think: This is so touching; my 19 y/o boyfriend is coming to pick me up for our first date, hours after getting his driving license.

What we know: Even if there are no accidents, you will see a panicky side of him as he suffers from the pressure of faster cars, driving daddy’s car and being on his own without a driving instructor. Actually, you should skip today’s date and re-visit this date when he drives better, hopefully.

Volkswagen Golf 1.4 TSI

What is it? Currently the VW Golf is the king of hatchbacks as it offers a good mix of fuel efficiency and performance and has a classy cabin.

What you might think: Not exactly a premium car, but he seems to climbing up the corporate ladder.

What we know: We told you to get the Scirocco 1.4 TSI. Offers equivalent fuel efficiency but much sexier lines and more fun to drive. This one will be a vanilla in bed.

读者回应

1. 2009-12-13 21:51  
I wouldn't mind getting picked up in any of these.....except for the Fiat and the Proton. Then again, who knows......I hate driving so any car as long I don't have to drive or worse yet, be the sober one.
2. 2009-12-14 08:29  
So long as he lives within his means, I don't care what car they drive. But that Audi is an ugly thing. So there would be a question of taste.
3. 2009-12-14 08:56  
I couldn't believed that Porsche & BMW were picked! They're the most inspiring cars for decades! I'd loved to have someone pick me up with one of these on a date...Gheee!
4. 2009-12-14 09:39  
Some of them sounded quite true, while I find the others rather amusing :-)

I know there are some really down-to-earth guys. But well, 1st dates are rather vital to the pink family. (yea... who doesn't know that by now?)

Impressions impressions impressions... Now, who's not really on for that?
修改於2009-12-14 09:45:05
5. 2009-12-14 11:56  
ermm...cars do reflect their owners' personality but article should not be taken seriously especially for pinkies, waiting to be picked up on a first date.

Linus, you left out the icon of the century, what about the new minis? good to know they didnt make it to your list...

修改於2009-12-14 12:34:59
6. 2009-12-14 17:59  
oh please..why did u exclude kimchi cars from your list? I would love to see how you describe gay kimichi owners.
7. 2009-12-14 22:56  
i am glad you are warning all the guys out there not to date me, cause i do have a Audi Q7 and there is lots of room in the rear for car sex, just want them to know what they might be getting their self into, that's why bisexuals really like this car and for those of us that don't consider ourselves culturally gay
8. 2009-12-14 22:57  
i am exceptionally well hung and my car tells people that
9. 2009-12-14 23:31  
I am fine with all cars except cheap budget cars priced below Nippon cars.
10. 2009-12-15 00:03  
omg....i didnt know there such thing on cars...
hmm
what will ppl think if im driving a Perodua Kancil then?
im poor to be with..?
11. 2009-12-15 00:58  
As a car lover & knows all abt car... this is a silly article... I would want a man driving a Audi Q7, better if it's 4.2i Quattro, i know he'll have deep pockets...

Porsche Cayman S is good too...

Lamborghini Reventon? Then i won't be here typing...

Rugged Ix Shen like man driving a Fiat Doblo, i sure dun mind...

The Lexus IS250 convertible or the BMW 323i? This man has some money...
12. 2009-12-15 14:11  
"Gay humour"...as redundant as the term itself. Shallow, stereotyping humour-less. Maybe our lack of procreative bent is our greatest gift to humanity (and the quickly depleting natural world)....
13. 2009-12-15 16:05  
It's a very useful, but funny article!!

I dont have any of the cars in the list above, so guess I'm safe.

Wait.... Is Proton Waja safe for the first date? :p
14. 2009-12-16 08:42  
LOL! Well done, Linus! Got a huge kick out of it...
15. 2009-12-16 22:33  
Linus is hilarious! ... ;) ... merry christmas! xooxoxoxox

ps: i drive a porsche (sometimes) ...
16. 2009-12-17 00:35  
this article is just too much.. I dont mind with the van. hey, its better that that guy own something rather than not. its sweet for me, when someone dont feel ashamed of what they owned, at least they dont force what they cant have.

but riding porche and lambo I agreed its too much, esp when its young asian, get it from their parents. oh please.

they make a joke over the toyota camry or that audy, what about toyota avanza? what about honda jazz?
it doesnt mean cars reflect the owner. Those people will choose if they have too much money.
when you're looking someone from what are they driving on the first date, means.. oh Gold digger...




17. 2009-12-17 00:39  
How about Citroen C6?
18. 2009-12-17 10:37  
linus rocks
19. 2009-12-21 23:15  
I loved the article as an amusing read, and in more than 50 yrs no-one has complained about my 'endowment'. But I enjoy my creature comforts so I am not going to apologise for being the owner driver of a stately but elderly (like me) Rolls Royce and a nice fast lwb Jaguar 4.2 litre saloon. Happy days guys! PS: My part-time driver is sexy too!
20. 2010-01-07 18:09  
i actually am eyeing the Q7!!!! hahaha large enough for the doggies!
21. 2010-02-06 19:10  
lol who the hell wrote this article, this is so misleading especially the golf which last year won the world car of the year award, the porsche is one of most refined cars ever made, the BMW is superb with one of the best engines, and the list goes on.
22. 2010-12-31 11:32  
what about my new KIA 'Rio" ? Its nice.
修改於2010-12-31 11:32:45

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