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22 Jan 2010

The day I decided to stop being gay

Twenty years after he came out, Patrick Muirhead, 41, explains why he is suddenly feeling the appeal of the opposite sex.

The following is an extract published by The (UK) Times on January 18, 2010. Click on the link below to read the article in full.

A minor incident in a barber’s shop last week has helped me to realise that I may no longer be gay. Not a fully fledged homo, anyway; perhaps not even a part-timer who helps the team out when it’s busy. It appears I may be going straight.

Patrick Muirhead, 41, describes his decision to become a family man with a wife and children brought about by his "desire to procreate" the "old-fashioned way."

I was in Tenterden, the Kentish village where I was brought up and to which I have lately returned, working at a nearby aerodrome as a helicopter pilot. I was waiting my turn for a chatty Latvian to apply the hot towels and razor.

A handsome young dad entered with a small, fair-haired boy at his side. The man took a seat and hoisted the wide-eyed child proudly on to his knee. The first haircut, I speculated inwardly, as an unfamiliar fatherly glow and feeling of mild envy swept over me. I could not tear my attention away from the mirrored reflections.

From time to time, the dad leant forward as they waited and whispered close to his son’s ear, tenderly kissing his fair head. Touching stuff.

But then my eyes lowered and I became transfixed by the sight of the boy’s tiny pink fingers gripping his father’s huge, workman-like fist. And I almost wanted to burst into song.

I think my life changed at that moment.

That’s love, folks. Simple really. A proud dad, an adored little boy and a beautiful display of dependence and responsibility. It was the epiphany I had needed and I emerged with a dashing new haircut and a desire to procreate.

Gays have children these days, of course they do, and not always to accessorise an outfit. Some gay couples adopt; others follow twisting paths to biological parenthood, often quite expensively, with the involvement of test tubes and cash changing hands. It is, really, a sort of snook to the system of nature. Shooting for the net without the chore of running with the ball. It’s just not for me.

And lately I have, almost imperceptibly, been laying the groundwork to make parenthood happen in the old-fashioned way. I have been flirting with someone at my local pub, thinking about her at odd times, making excuses to call her and wondering if she likes me. It’s rather strange.

This will come as a shock to — among others — my male former partner of ten years, gay pals from my former media career, my rabidly heterosexual chums in the aviation industry and, not least, my family (who rather hoped I was going through a phase — albeit for about 20 years). Well, it’s come as a shock to me, too.

United Kingdom

Reader's Comments

1. 2010-01-22 17:52  
The only constant thing in the universe is change. Nothing is forever.
2. 2010-01-22 18:00  
I wish Patrick all the luck with his new life. However, the headline of the article is a bit misleading, suggesting sexuality is a conscious decision. It is rather more like a feeling/intuition/instinct. This headline/article could be used as evidence against the gay rights movement.
3. 2010-01-22 18:07  
The triumphs & trials of a recovering lesbian......Zzzzz
Awww...how sweet. Damn.

Next ! :P

A Recovering Cryptic
Ex-Guy Ministries
an affiliate of Hocus Pocus Focus On Family & Young Boys.
Comment edited on 2010-01-22 18:08:34
4. 2010-01-22 23:52  
from the full length article and quoted "homosexuality was very nearly compulsory" in BBC where he worked...

perhaps he was never gay to begin with....

5. 2010-01-23 02:54  

Sounds like a simple Simon, a man who simply floats along with whatever society wants him to be..Be gay in the BBC? Sign him up. Fit in with straight people so he can have kids? Sure!

He is probably bisexual to boot.

What a silly article and with a dangerous headline he's written. Good luck to him and his kids.
6. 2010-01-23 05:29  
Moral of the story??

Gay can be changed!!

This story is utterly stupid and make evangelical Christian even have more weapon to sell their products.

He is either a bi or curious in the first place! No shit such as no longer being gay!!

I wonder why Fridae brings such rubbish article here??
Comment edited on 2010-01-23 05:31:23
7. 2010-01-23 06:51  
Talk about a midlife crisis... A person that feels that he has nothing memorable in his life when he can quote his life as "except one super-sized sexless friendship with the aforementioned ex-boyf, with whom I spent a decade of my life; numerous hours of internet dating; a dizzying number of casual couplings and a few trips to genitourinary medicine clinics"

People usually buy a penis mobile... cheat with their secretary... get a new job... write the next great american trash novel... but he gets a wife and kid...

Personally I'm not at all shocked or surprised by his decision... To live with oneself for over 20 years with this going through their mind constantly: "But it is still not average behaviour. Homosexuality is an aberration; a natural aberration."

after all as quoted he "have long argued that homosexuality is natural but abnormal, to a torrent of hostility from gay friends who refuse to acknowledge that what you are and what stake you hold in society are not the same"

He just ran back into the freaking closet because he couldn't deal with being a minority. :D I hate to see how he'll cope being a minority within a minority...
8. 2010-01-23 07:03  
This is the most ridiculous change over story i ever heard. Have u not noticed as u read the article that this Patrick all wanted is to have a kid of his own biologically. Did u read how he focused on his feelings of joy watching ' a handsome young dad 'with his son as they are having a haircut instead of that woman he was interested in. He just mentioned her at the end of the article. Hes a total hypocrite!
How sure is he that being gay is just a phase and not the other way around? If he did become a dad, fathered a child, would he not go back to become gay again and 'realized' that men are more attractive than his then wife? After all having a kid is all what he wanted,right? Hope that woman he mentioned or any woman in that matter, can sense what he's really after or she'll end up getting hurt . This is an utterly stupid 'revelation' ! Sorry, I just cant help writing this as i really feel sorry for people who are being used by someone's own selfish purpose.
9. 2010-01-23 07:10  
Shame on you for calling an article rubbish that brings to light other points of view that you don't agree with. I would have thought that this community above all would have been accepting of transgressing models of sexual behavior
10. 2010-01-23 07:29  
Mid life crisis. He's 41 and divorced!!

Through the "article" it seems evident to me that he is enamoured of the cute father and the cute son... The piece about them is almost homo-erotic!

So at the end he is "flirting" with a woman. Note that his delicious comments are about the males! No comment about the female, just an inference that it may be easier.
Good that Las Vegas is not closeby, or he may make a quick decision he may regret.

As a Canadian, where being gay has become boringly normal, I'd suggest that the writer move himself to a Country and city where he can celebrate his sexuality! If only for a while.
Feeling "normal" takes a bit of getting used, especially as the writer has been immersed in jobs and life where homo-phobia is the norm.

Wonder if he'd be sharing his reality with the wife???
11. 2010-01-23 09:51  
I wish him well. I hope he's well prepared for fatherhood. Raising kids (especially your own flesh and blood) is not an easy matter. Hopefully, he won't change his mind and be gay when the going gets tough.
12. 2010-01-23 10:29  
Totally nonsense. It's not quitting smoking.

If you are truly a gay, refrain from liking other males equals to rejecting your ownself.

Not sure if he is being proud of himself for doing so but if he was not a gay at the beginning, please just don't create the gimmick in the topic itself.

Such a crap.
13. 2010-01-23 10:53  
Hope he is right and it is not a paedophilic reaction to those tiny fingures...Does not sound too genuine to me but..anything is possible..after all I went to bed with women for decades ..no sweat... saw a guys prick..and that was my conversion..lol
14. 2010-01-23 12:36  
should read the whole article on THe TImes on line.
A very harmful piece of writing esp to the LGTB community who is struggling to gain acceptance and fighting for basic rights.

It is not a choice for all, except that he is bisexual. Now that he has had "enough" of being gay.. he took advantage of that and all his partners and the tattoo delights, done that but left his harmful legacy by writing this article which is totally unnecessary ( except for a paycheck). Romanticising having a boy sitting on his lap ( bet his first child wil be a girl, now see that he might regret!!) He stereotypes straight man as interested in pistol engines and beer; gay man as streisand lovers... and portray BBC as a gay/'s nest! So much for having a small mind.

I bet Olga is pretty muscular and fxxks him with a large strap on.
Comment edited on 2010-01-23 12:44:37
Comment #15 was deleted by its author on 2010-01-23 12:41
16. 2010-01-23 13:52  
good for you!
17. 2010-01-23 14:27  
if only one could change sexuality so easily. i'd be the first to sign up.

it would be good to hear the Part 2 of the story - AFTER he gets married (to a woman) and they live together, say, for 2 years. is he sure he will not change his mind (again) then?
18. 2010-01-23 15:27  
#9 "..accepting of transgressing models of sexual behavior" is one thing, turning around and spitting at your own kind after being gay for 20 years is another!

and if anyone has noticed, there was no real conclusion to the article...."And one day perhaps I will see that smile on my own offspring’s face and it will be heaven-sent"....

yes, we will wait for that day to arrive and perhaps by then, you would have gone for a sex change, in order to feel like a real, complete lesbian!! hahaha ...

Times Online shall read...."The day I decided to stop being gay....and be a lesbian pilot instead..." hahahahahaha

Comment edited on 2010-01-23 15:37:33
19. 2010-01-23 16:06  
to all of those who know of or wish for familial happiness, and for some that forms the essence of personal happiness, parenthood brings significant meaning to one's life. It is very appealing regardless of sexuality. When compared against the exhaustive searching, alienation, self doubt, and the lack of institution, the happy picture of father and child, or a happy family, seems so right. Many gay people see great meaning to parenthood. It does not negate one's attraction to certain individuals of the same sex...but does, should, or must that same sex attraction form the basis of the quest for or building of a happy life? how are you programmed?
20. 2010-01-23 16:19  
I'm still looking for the article which relates to the tabloid headline!
21. 2010-01-23 16:39  
I wonder if this guy was ever really gay; whether he is just making the whole thing up. There's a very superficial quality to his writing; that of someone who doesn't really know what he is writing about.

Would someone give up the beliefs, attitudes and values of their entire life, not to mention their real nature, in such a casual and flippant way? And just because they saw a child holding his dad's hand in a barbershop?

He takes some very sly digs at the gay community throughout. He says at the beginning, "...Not a fully fledged homo, anyway; perhaps not even a part-timer who helps the team out when it’s busy..."

What's that supposed to mean? What's a part-time homo? What team? Helping out whom when they're busy with what?
He's painting a picture of a gay community that CHOOSES to engage itself 24/7 in base and bestial acts.

The thought crossed my mind that maybe he needed to say this kind of stuff in order to be able to be accepted in his job: a kind of "recanting" of his "sins". But his language and expressions don't even sound like that of a gay person.

His views on adoption and on children seem very immature.
He says, "...Gays have children these days, of course they do, and not always to accessorise an outfit. Some gay couples adopt; others follow twisting paths to biological parenthood, often quite expensively, with the involvement of test tubes and cash changing hands. It is, really, a sort of snook to the system of nature. Shooting for the net without the chore of running with the ball. It’s just not for me..."

He seems to imply, among other things, that the only "right" child for anyone is one that is produced biologically by the couple, "in the old-fashioned way".

His remark, "shooting for the net without the chore of running with the ball", is an insult to every parent who has ever adopted a child. Is he aware that even people who had their own children have adopted other kids, for various reasons including simply to "give a life" for some other child? He implies that such people are lazy, dishonest oafs who couldn't be bothered to produce their own but wanted to cheat by stealing someone else's child.

What is so sacrosanct about impregnating someone yourself "in the old fashioned way" and adding to the already bloated population of the world? Does this guy even know that the biggest threat to our planet today is overpopulation that brings with it a whole lot of other problems?

To me this guy sounds like a "closet homophobe" cloaked in dumb turncoat's clothing, who's just laying the groundwork for future attacks from his religious group. And isn't he giving them some great ammunition with his headline? I just wonder how long it took, and how many heads it took, to CRAFT that oh-so-perfect godsend of a headline...
22. 2010-01-23 19:35  
I think he's insane ! :D
23. 2010-01-23 22:25  
Tut-tut, headline writers... But, man, what a great idea! I've now 'decided' to stop being Me, and start being Brad Pitt instead.

Hmm. Nothing's happening. Even though I've decided to change myself and be something else, why amn't I banging Angelina now?!

Maybe I need to try harder? Nnnnnnnggggggg...
24. 2010-01-23 22:35  
As a high school teacher for many years in many countries - who loves the little devils to death from 8 a.m. till the bell rings at 3:30 p.m. and is very happy to send them home to Mum and DAD- I wish this 41 year old the best of luck...which he will need when he discover the joys of raising a TEENAGER in his mid to late 50's!!!

Like Oscar Wilde once said: "When the gods wish to punish us, THEY ANSWER OUR PRAYERS!"
Comment #25 was deleted by its author on 2010-01-23 22:44
26. 2010-01-23 22:45  
p.s. I do hope the kid get the MOTHER'S looks and brains!
27. 2010-01-23 22:56  
"A handsome young dad entered with a small, fair-haired boy at his side..."

"I could not tear my attention away from the mirrored reflections..."

"....his father’s huge, workman-like fist...."

Is it just me or these lines in the article just sound so homo-erotic?....
28. 2010-01-24 00:27  
to #19, for starters i meant that in light humor, so don't think i'm getting all serious or anything, and i appreciate the "haha"s. I think everyone's right about their thoughts on his behavior and decision, HOWEVER, i think the point should be to find the truth and explore new ideas, which is hard to do if people knock down anything.

but for discussion sake (cause i love discussing), i don't think i made myself clear. I'm refering to an excerpt from Albert Camus's "the Myth of Sisyphus: Absurd Walls" where he essentially says that we're dumb, and nature can teach us best.

: "...yet all the knowlege on earth will give nothing to assure me that this world is mine. You describe it to me and you teach me to classify it. you enumerate its laws and in my thirst for knowledge i admit that they are true. you take apart its mechanism and my hope increases. at the final stage you teach me that this wondrous and multicoloured universe ca be reduced to the atom and that the atom itself can be reduced to the electron. All this is good and i wait for you to continue. But you tell me of an invisible planetary system in which electrons gravitate around a nucleus. you explain this world to me with an image. I realize then that you have been reduced to poetry: I shall never know. Have I the time to become indignant? you have already changed theories. So that science that was to teach me everything ends up in a hypothesis, that lucidity founders in metaphor, that uncertainty is resolved in a work of art. What need had I of so many efforts? the soft lines of these and the hand of evening on this troubled heart teach me much more. I have returned to my beginning."

That's not the point of the paragraph, but the idea still fits into this.

and you'd be right to assume that I don't read the "times," but i do read the NY Times (occassionally). I'm more of an Economist kind of guy.


29. 2010-01-24 00:52  
This is nothing new, really.

About 10 years ago, a 50something yo lesbian friend of mine had an affair with a married man who was slightly than she was. This, after years of throwing off the "shackles" of heterosexuality (she had been previously married and had a son who grew up to be a cop!). She was actually flabbergasted that she rediscovered her fascination for the cock... I was pretty much disgusted... but it was fun and intriguing listening to how she saw her life being turned upside down... by her feelings...

Then there's another story of another friend... a man who met his lifelong partner in Bali. His partner had been "straight" until he met my friend.

In the end, you can't really help who you fall in love with. You can f*** anything and anyone. But love is something else. When you're in love, the whole world just disappears. And then slowly you see it for what it really is. How insignificant your touches and embraces... but it doesn't matter. Because what matters is that you have the ability to love and that's all.

The other day I was watching YouTube and was watching Wanda Sykes scoffing at the idea that being gay is a choice. I half agree with her: being gay is not a choice. You can't help the sex of the person you're attracted to. But I also see that the gay lifestyle can be a choice. The whole campness of Glee... or the orgy culture signified by the gay parties that get advertised here on Fridae... you don't have to be immersed in all that to be "out" or "gay".

I think this is true for a lot of us who feel that the effete-ness (and apologies to Oscar Wilde, but that queen was a superbitch) of gay culture is superficial and fails to represent what it means to be gay. But it's also a rich legacy... we have a rich history of gay culture (underground and mainstream) with our gay icons... they surely represent something we can all respect, if not aspire to. Beyond hero worship though... in the end, we only have ourselves.

Who's to say what is gay? Marrying a woman and having kids after having spent years sucking cock -- that's pretty gay to me. :-)
30. 2010-01-24 01:41  
I don't see why this is strange. Why do we have to fix i am gay, you are straight or she is a lesbian. I have to say sometimes that I am bored with sexuality label. That's his decision and that's how he feels. Also, it was her decision. If she got hurt, it would be like another heartache, which does should feel the same weather it is a gay or straight relationship. We all have been there being criticized and we have been asking people to open up to except our sexuality because our stand point is diversity. It is such a good example that we can be more than we thought we are...for me being gay does not mean anything anymore.....don't make it too big...there is more important things in life than that.
31. 2010-01-24 03:43  
the day i think abt pussy...... i puke.
32. 2010-01-24 04:28  
While many of us are fortunate to know what we want a little earlier in life, not everyone is equally self-aware or self-assured. There is a significant minority among us who did not attend to some aspects of our needs in our earlier adult lives. To understand this, one needs look no further than at the number of men over 40 who were once married, many with children, who have subsequently filed for divorce and now lead gay lives. The reasons for this are varied -- narrow exposure, lack of awareness, parental pressure, peer/family environments, culture (at work and within the community at large), misconceptions, underestimation, overestimation, physical/emotional changes -- the list runs on. While the reasons may vary in soundness in the eyes of different people, they are nonetheless significant to each individual.

Like some of us here, I do sense a slightly forced formulation of thought in Mr Muirhead's article. But if we can be generous enough to resist the urge to psychoanalyse his writing -- if we just strip away the rhetoric and allow the gist of his argument to lay bare -- we also sense that it's not about the sex. Half his life has gone by and he wonders if he'd be any happier living a life of conventional fatherhood. Whether or not he will be fulfillled eventually is quite another matter but surely he deserves to explore this with whoever is both willing and able, and find out for himself.

Being a 40-something myself and having gone through a few relationships, his search for long term happiness strikes a chord with me. While I'm not about give up my gayness, I feel it's only respectful to allow Mr Muirhead his space to reject his.
Comment edited on 2010-01-24 04:30:29
33. 2010-01-24 06:40  
I hope he never spends too much time in a zoo, he might think he's an animal!
34. 2010-01-24 13:15  
If the guy is attracted to girls, it begs the question as to why the he hell didn’t pursue that option earlier? It certainly would have made for an easier life, and I don’t buy the fact that the pernicious powers of the BBC are so persuasive that they obliterate ones identity in a deluge of gay sex. Besides which, even if my straight mates were sentenced to ten years on a Broadway chorus line - they’d still be into girls - not just a little bit - completely.

I think at 41 his sexual drive is no longer as powerful as it once was – he’s not into guys as much, but he desperately wants kids, so he’s going to give staight a go. I have no problem with that in theory but, one of my sisters was married to man in a situation for many years. They had two children together and he kept on having intermittent gay sex. By the half way stage of the relationship they were literally only sleeping together once or twice a year for the purposes of procreation. It was a pretty cheerless relationship (to put it mildly) and their two beautiful children weren’t enough to keep them together. My sister finally had enough and walked out, she has custody of the children

I once worked for a man in his fifties who was in a similar situation. His relationship ended the same way as my sisters. For about 2 years before the split his wife lived in one bedroom he in another. I don’t mean “slept” I mean lived…they had their own tvs, tables and lives in separate rooms…the kitchen and living room were ‘no man’s land’. You could see it was hell on their children.

My sisters partner is now back in a relationship with a man, my older friend has turned to Jesus and lives alone, sees his children every second weekend. I know one of his ex boyfriends, he’s convinced he was happier twenty years ago. Both these men have many good qualities – they’re generous, caring, funny, well educated and good providers. But despite desperately trying for over a decade, they were unable to make their relationships work. Both the women involved say that it didn’t feel like a real marriage.

I wish this Patrick well. Despite the experiences listed above I think it is possible for him to settle down with “the right woman” and make a relationship in which its good to raise children. But, I think it’s going to be a much tougher road than he imagines…and there is more than a fair chance it will end badly.
35. 2010-01-24 16:28  
I think there is a difference between to be straight and have sex with a woman to have a kid!
36. 2010-01-24 17:21  
I am shocked that the editor of Fridae actually missed out the most important paragraph in the original Times article, which reads:

"Does this mean that I no longer like men? No, of course not, and I won’t pretend. But in the streets and avenues of this country there must be many husbands whose interests are divided but whose choices are determined not by sexuality but emotionality."

In other words, the author doesn't proclaim that:
1) homosexual tendency can be changed or 'prayed away';
2) he longer likes men.

I think what he is trying to tell is:
1) he is a bisexual;
2) he didn't meet any woman for whom he fell in love before;
3) consequently he had been involved with men for many years and somehow overlooked the fact that he can also be attracted to women;
4) however, when he got the fortune to meet a women who melted his heart, he was able to fall for a woman;
5) after marriage, he is still sexually attracted to males;
6) but being attracted to males doesn't mean he has to sleep around with men because his emotion for his wife is strong;
7) one important consideration for choosing to marry a woman for him, a bisexual, was he wanted to have his own children.

So, guys, please don't be angry at him. This is not anti-gay article by the ex-gay and fundamentalists camp. It's simply a personal story of a bisexual who eventually chose to marry a woman for an important consideration, and to be faithful to her even though he is, admittedly, still homoerotic.

To deny the existence of bisexuals is as shallow as those straights who deny the existence of homosexuals. So, please accept that there are some people who are attracted to both males and females, and that we should respect them for their sexuality though it is different from yours. Some members of Fridae's may also be bisexuals anyway.
37. 2010-01-24 20:03  
this cant be true no belive
38. 2010-01-24 20:13  
gays can have offsprings and/or be great parents; who knows about the desire and orientation...
39. 2010-01-24 20:15  
He's a dimwitted idiot, and no rolde model to EITHER side
40. 2010-01-24 20:23  
Well some straight people have had a gay relationship at some stage of their life too... I'm sure most gays would congratulate them on that, so I don't know why people care about this case of this guy going straight for a while. In fact it's so uninteresting that it didn't even need to be put on fridae at all :P
41. 2010-01-24 20:26  
Quote "A handsome young dad entered with a small, fair-haired boy at his side." He's still gay, evidently from the amount of detail he spent describing the young dad... Well, he went back into the closet. I feel sorry for him... and the nameless lady he's "flirting" with.
Comment edited on 2010-01-24 20:27:46
42. 2010-01-24 21:12  
"Gays have children these days, of course they do, and not always to accessorise an outfit."

Sorry mate, but you're an idiot of a 41 year-old man who's accessorising YOUR outfit at the expense of others.
43. 2010-01-24 21:45  
All very well yo go ga ga about kids but you have to shack up with a woman and then looking after, feeding clothing housing and caring for a couple of rug rats who turn into children who turn into adolescants meanwhile your wife get older grumpier wants more from life wants this wants that hates you...jeez its not all a bed of roses mate!
44. 2010-01-24 22:22  
Woah... why so many haters?

This reminds me of a scene from the movie "Go Fish" where a lesbian woman had sex with a guy and her lesbian friends found out and attacked her because of it.

It makes no sense. Even if the guy is confused, has issues with his sexuality, thinks he likes girls, has kids the old fashioned way, it doesn't mean he warrants all these attacks in this forum...

Beyond labels or self-deception, shouldn't we be supportive of anyone who claims to have found happiness... instead of all this bitchiness?

It's his choice. If he feels it to be right, why not?
45. 2010-01-25 01:45  
I suppose he just wants to have a family and live a "normal" life. Hopefully he loves his wife and be true to himself that he is not using his wife to realize his family life dream. Otherwise he is just a selfish prick.
46. 2010-01-25 10:01  
he is just in love with the little boy, he wants one for himself, because, they, like a puppy, love inconditionally, and he has an horrible relations record...
Comment edited on 2010-01-25 10:02:22
47. 2010-01-25 10:51  
what a stupid article, fridae i am disappointed to see such rubbish on this usually informative site
48. 2010-01-25 13:30  
wow, lots of interesting stuff out there

i think its ok to one day like guys, then the next day get some pussy, then finally settle on what you like

i have kids and i must admit just cause you are a daddy and procreate it doesn't mean you still don't get your willy hard while attending your best friend's party where the newest version of Spartecus Blood and Sand is being shown (check out Barca, so beefy he is)

actually, in my family ( I have seven brothers); four are straight, two are gay and then there is me is likes beautiful people-- some girls some guys

welcome to the new gay family values in 2010:

anyway, the pressure on the game brother in laws is real (my two brothers are already married)

the new gay family paradigm in the USA is if you are not married by 30 then you are a loser

also if you don't have kids by the time you are 40 you are a double loser

men in our family are expected to get married and settle down -- same treatment whether the bro is gay or straight

actually, i have done lots of hot super model and muscle men and most anyone i want to these days:), sex is overrated and most of the people who really push it these days are running internet companies or making money off it or using it to sell products that no one really needs to buy

best feeling in the world is having a kid, just cause I am gay doesn't mean anything can take that away from me

so the new paradigm in this new decade is to get married, raise a family and get your kids into good schools and win in sports and be excellent in music and the arts, you can have it all -- its just a little expensive

kids make your less selfish and you work harder and are more motivated to strive for excellence in your life, you get to re-experience and re-live your childhood in some ways and strive to be a better parent than the ones that raised you

anyway, i have great fun with my kids and they are so normal and well adjusted

they are also great students who tested into the best kindergarten in one of the most competitive cities in the world

be a gay and happy daddy, go for it-- adopt, work out an agreement with someone - do whatever works for you man

finally, thanks to the many gay uncles out there that help their straight friends and gay friends raise them in the village, i couldn't do it without you guys

49. 2010-01-25 15:46  
Darlings, please. Europeans coined the term 'homosexual' in the 19th century in order to classify people who had sex with their own gender for the purposes of institutionalising them.

We all have every right to choose whom we sleep with. Their gender, their skin colour, and their individual sexual identity. All that matters is that you're honest with your partner(s) about those choices. Hope Patrick informs his lucky lady what lies in his past before he lets her give birth to his child!

Stop dictating 'right' and 'wrong' ways to be queer, 'gays' of the world! We're getting worse than the god squad!
50. 2010-01-25 16:01  
Thanx fridae.com, another scintillating contribution from the Twilight Zone. Romance Novelist/Motivational “Love” Speaker, Barbara Cartland, couldn’t have written it better!! But I wasn’t aware that fridae.com was branching out into the “Motivational Online Article” section on the web. – God help us all.......
51. 2010-01-25 19:38  
What absoluute garbage,,, this story together with that fool and excuse of a man is so offensive,,, he is deluded, stupid,and damb right insulting to the rest of us,,,,,,, to think that he has the abblility to turn straight just because he wants to is just sinply laughable, darling you even right like a fruit, TOO FLOWERY, a teacher once said to me when i handed in an article,,,,Its in the genes dear........You actualy don't deserve children, after-all u may bring them up to be as deceitful as ur-self.
52. 2010-01-25 19:41  
Bring on the loveeeeeeeeeeeee juice. If he is in love and happy with a women and wants to have kids, I guess much is to be celebrated for, life is to be celebrated because it is too short.

As for you most queens that oppose his move to become straight, what if it's the other way round? discovering he is are gay after 41 and with children?

People in general tend to be haters, make love fairies!!!!!!!
53. 2010-01-26 03:02  
crap he he
54. 2010-01-26 07:50  
He's attributing his unfulfilling life to the fact that he's gay (and in some part, the gay community). Sorry, but i have to agree that the article is rubbish.
55. 2010-01-26 08:37  
he's still gay. he just wants kids. not women. sexuality is not about doing it with "kids" for goodness sakes. how ridiculous! HAHAHAHA! this article, i agree with the others, is damn misleading!

but as good gays, we shall respect the decision of others no matter how absurd it is because we want to be respected, too.
56. 2010-01-26 11:11  
well... be proud of what you are now but BE YOURSELF!!
57. 2010-01-26 11:53  
Man decides to stop being gay and immediately runs to the press giving the 'happy family' stories and reasonings... it sounds too fishy for me. This story was obviously orchestrated by groups that would have more to gain from such a issue in the media, those anti-gay groups still exist and are still rather influential. I don't believe a word of this
58. 2010-01-26 15:17  
Perhaps it's just proof that its the person you fall in love with, not necessarily the genitals of the persons that it's attached to? *size queens GASP* ;)
Love has no boundaries!
59. 2010-01-26 17:34  
ok, so i only skimmed the article in full, but didn't see the answer to my main question - would he be able to get it up for a woman??!! lol....well regardless, i know we live in a world which is neither black nor white, but many shades of grey....everybody is very unique, and while i see it as rare or unlikely, i don't see it as impossible that someone could be born one way and, um, change into another, really..i don't count on that happening with me, but things happen.
60. 2010-01-27 06:25  
I am all for personal happiness, however one gets there in a free society. GLBTstraight all part of one big human family that needs to support one another.

Sexuality is not well understood even today and very hard to study. This guy may be conflicted, having a mid-life crisis, or always been bisexual and now wanting to procreate with a woman, not sure. I do think switching teams so to speak will cause one to catch hell from the former group. He could support gays and gay rights but just want something different.

I am glad the article is posted here. I hope to see more like this to encourage respectful discussions.

61. 2010-01-27 14:50  
The headline is at least mischevious - and actually highly hurtful to some. The core of whether you stop being gay is whether you remain attracted to the same sex! Nowhere does he say that he is no longer attracted to other men.

There are many of us who struggled to come to terms with being gay and spent many years believing that we could somehow make a different choice and still be honest to ourselves. We did not wake up one morning and decide to be gay. We did not give it a try just because everyone else at work was. In my opinion, to suggest that you can decide to not be gay anymore is outrageous and it is a lie.
62. 2010-01-27 17:32  
Good on him. I hope he finds hapiness in pro-creation, parenthood and being a family man.
63. 2010-01-27 22:44  
This guy sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Raising children is a lifelong commitment, my parents were horrible parents and should never have had children. And they were both smart well educated people. Just because this whacko sees a small boy with his loving dad doesn't mean he can change his deeper feelings.

I suggest therapy before he ruins some woman's life when she catches him in bed with another guy 5 years from now.
64. 2010-01-29 07:55  
Will he change back in a moment? Also, rather interesting mix of symbols-attractive dad and blond haired boy. His explanation is shallow and shows envy. We are not convinced. He obviously desires this 'change', but let us give it time and see if he can sustain it. In any case, it is not a change, but a development. We are naturally bisexual and we all deny it to degrees, so where does he stand now? What I do strongly doubt is his intellectual capacity for suspending beliefs. He must be hell to live with.
65. 2010-01-29 08:26  
Attention, attention! Fridae and The Times have located the gay version of Sumiko Tan!
66. 2010-01-30 01:54  
Is it really true that bisexuals do exist? I succumb to the idea of being a homosexual rather than a bisexual...Any scientific explanation regarding this matter please?
67. 2010-02-02 07:09  
To each his own, as long as the decision does not harm others.
68. 2010-02-03 06:43  
Give him a break, he just wants his own kid the old fashion way. However, it'd be better to adopt rather than increasing to population. Still, to each his own, i hope he's doing what he's aiming to do, be straight, and not what he's aiming to get, a father.
69. 2010-02-10 22:30  
Praise the lord ! What a beautiful story......Good luck new straight man...I'm sure you get your godly reward for being such a wonderful straight man who suddenly loves to eat pussy. I hope I'm in all your unlawful dreams when you jerk off dreaming of eating big cocks lying next to your lovely wife :-) but god will help you, be sure of that :-)

70. 2010-02-24 09:23  
Wow, what a cross-section of our community. While I can understand some of the, can we say, "hateful" language and questioning of the stance that he takes, I'm pleasantly surprised by the calm n' sane responses (esp. from our young-er readers), which gives hope.

I know about Kinsey's scale of 1-7 (I believe it is), from sheer hetero-ness to outright homosexuality. I always felt, esp. when younger, that I was on a more sliding scale. For a variety of reasons, I like younger men (just is.)

However, I helped raise the son of a woman that I knew (didn't live with them, just was a father-figure.) I can tell you that it was the best experience of my life (perhaps because he was such a trouble-free youth and turned into an incredible man.) He considers me to be the grandfather of his beautiful daughter.

Do I wish that I had raised a family? YOU BET! Does this guy's story make me think about it again (not reading the British version), Yes! Will I do something about it? Only if I ran into a woman who knew my situation and could put up with my occasional satisfying the "other side" of my needs. Unlikely to happen, so we can ALL do what he wants to do w/o the headaches. Help mentor a young lad or lass. Big Brothers/Big Sisters, juvenile detention facilities, court monitors, school tutor, etc., etc. There are tons of unwanted children out there who would love to have someone even just show SOME (healthy) attention to them and perhaps assist them along the way. YOU and they will be much better for it. I know that I am.
71. 2010-03-27 16:54  
His choice, but still, there is a big difference from flirting, and actually enjoying continuous rolls in the proverbial hay.

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