You've just met the man of your dreams at the local gay club and he sweeps you off your Gucci-clad feet. As the night progresses, one thing eventually leads to another and soon, the both of you consummate your passion with a session of window-rattling sex.
And that, if anything else, is your clue to clutch your heap of clothes to your chest and get the hell of his apartment. Or if the both of you happen to be in your apartment, it's time to put into practice the wise gay saying of "Wham. Bam. Goodbye Gay Man." Simply put, you do not want to become the third party and get yourself embroiled in a typical Days of Our Lives scenario. Ever.
As a gay man, it's incumbent on you to remember the lessons Hollywood has taught you. Think back to Fatal Attraction staring Glenn Close and Michael Douglas. Or go further back the dredges of time and recall any Barbara Stanwyck movie you have ever saw. Then ask yourself: Does the husband ever leave the wife for the mistress (yes, that's the role you'll be cast in)? The answer, if you've not already guessed, is an emphatic "NO!"
You may, of course, choose to follow in the footsteps of the divine Ms Close and employ a series of conniving tricks (sexual or otherwise) or even resort to boiling a bunny in a pot to nab your man. But the likelihood of him leaving his long-time companion at the end for you is even more remote than winning the lottery or bedding Josh Harnett.
Frankly speaking, most gay men are anything but dumb. Yet why do so many gay men display an affinity to white trash women with their unfailing ability to fall in love with the wrong men? Why do they still persist in self-flagellation by playing the third party in a hopeless relationship?
The reasons, as I found out, are many. The most common reason offered by friends and acquaintances who find themselves embroiled in such undignified situations is relationship or more specifically, the lack of it.
Picture this: You've spent years going out on weekends to gay clubs looking for your lovemate, and after years of cruising and bruising, you're finally ready to settle down. So the man you've met (and bedded) is everything you've ever wanted but he also happens to be attached.
As James, a 24 year-old national serviceman, who had had the dubious honor of playing the third party in a series of "relationships", explained: "Sometimes, when you find the man of your dreams, it's kinda hard to let go even when you know he already has that someone special. Especially when all you have to go back to at the end of the day is a cold empty bed, a little piece of somebody who appears to be the right one for you can be a much more attractive prospect than having no one at all."
Consequently, gay men such as James find themselves holding out for that one day when their Prince Charmings would leave their partners. In the meanwhile, they willingly put their lives on pause mode as the rest of the world passes them by.
Ostensibly, when a guy promises to leave his partner and doesn't, chances are he's quite happy with every aspect of it but the sex (or the Whitney Houston karaoke routines). And if he can get that from you and still go home to a well-kept apartment and a hearty meal, he'll do it for as long as you'd let him or at least until his interest in you wanes.
The other possible reason why gay men usually become the third party stems from competition. One-upmanship amongst gay men can be vicious and anyone who says that gay men lack the competitive spirit has obviously never been to an end-of-the-season designer sale.
To some gay men, the thrill and satisfaction of trying to snatch someone's sweetheart from the clutches of their current boyfriends can prove to be quite an attractive proposition.
According to self-confessed boyfriend stealer Albert, also a devout Heather Locklear in Melrose Place fan: "It's not so much about how attractive the guy is but the fact that he's cheating on or breaking up with his boyfriend just to be with you that's such a turn-on."
A triangular relationship characterized mostly by secrecy and the lack of stability can take its toll on even the most resilient of gay men.
Most third parties find themselves worn down psychologically and physically because they would feel jealous all of the time and some even begin to question their self-worth as inevitable comparisons between them and their lovers' lovers begin to surface.
To quote David who finally broke off his relationship with his attached boyfriend: "No one can understand the sense of crippling insecurity of being a third party unless they go through it themselves."
Yet far worse is the reputation you are cultivating for yourself. In most gay communities, it's no exaggeration to say that everyone knows everyone else (or have slept with everyone else for that matter). Dating and sleeping with someone who's already attached could only result in a bad name for yourself.
If you are not already quailing from the icy looks thrown in your direction, think of all the bad press you'll get and be prepared for an onslaught of verbal insults and taunts of the "home-wrecker" variety.
If you ask me, that's not the worst that can happen. For as long as you are satisfied with a relationship whereby you are the third party, you deny yourself the right to find someone whom you can totally and wholly call your own.
And if you persist in holding out for your man who happens to be seeing someone else, you effectively place yourself out of circulation in the gay scene. And that means you'll never ever get someone to call your own but continue to enjoy someone else's table scraps.
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