Fridae

"It's funny cos other members of the band say 'Oh, come on, everyone has fantasies about lesbian things' and I'm like 'Do they?' I'm straight. I'm very straight. I've got a lot of gay friends but there's no confusion in my mind about my sexuality."

- Mel C clearing the air on her sexuality in an interview

There once was a time when a juvenile Ms Scary would go into a sapphic swoon every time anyone mentions Melanie C aka The Artiste Formerly Known As Sporty Spice. With her trademark fluorescent Adidas tracksuit and her oh-so-manly kung-fu kicks and back-flips, Mel C was every femme's dream butch come true.

Following a two-year hiatus after the release of Northern Star, the Liverpudian lass with the penchant for football just released her new album Reason. Reincarnated as a dead-ringer for Posh Spice (before she became a walking stick insect), Mel C is back with a slimmer and healthier look and a collection of 12 songs.

True to her reputation as the only one in the Spice Girls to have even an ounce of real talent, Mel C co-writes 11 out of the 12 tracks with collaborators as diverse as Marius De Vries (Moulin Rouge), Peter-John Vettese (Jethro Tull) and Guy Chambers (Robbie Williams). Despite sounding more mature and polished on her second solo outing, the collection of soulful ballads and rock-guitar driven pop on Reason are unfortunately, very middle-of-the-road.

The first single off Reason, "Here It Comes Again", has Mel C sounding like a harridan while trying to compete with out-of-control guitar licks stolen from Suede. The rest of the album does not fare any better - most of the tracks are so mind-numbingly dull and devoid of any pop worth that Ms Scary was tempted to do a Spice Girls and split.

As if realizing that her listeners would by now be lulled into a somnambulistic state by the sheer unremarkability of Reason, Mel C decides to end the album with a flourish by kicking into brazen rock chick mode with "Let's Love" and "Yeh, Yeh, Yeh" where she attempts to do a Donna Summer before giving up and switching to noisy stadium rock.

Overall, only three tracks really stand out: the piano-infused title track with its moving melodies and heart-felt lyrics; "Do I", the Mel C answer to "Viva Forever" and "Two Become One"; and "Positively Somewhere", a self-affirmative pop/rock concoction that every down and out lesbian should pay a listen to.

Despite that, Reason fails to live up to the promise hinted at in Northern Star. Hence, while Mel C may eventually become the post-Spice Girls' equivalent of Robbie Williams, this album only proves that she still has a long way to go before solo success beckons - or as she sings so ironically: "I'm here going nowhere and that's how I want it to stay" ("Positively Somewhere").