Fridae

Stray:
Verb: To wander from a given place or group or beyond established limits; roam. To become lost. To deviate from a course that is regarded as right or moral; go astray. To deviate from the subject matter at hand; digress.

Noun: One that has strayed; especially, a domestic animal at large or lost.

It's sad but it's true.

Scratch the surface of most gay men and you'll find the Scarlet Whore of Babylon waiting to break out.

As the male species - both homosexual and heterosexual - can attest, we are, by and large, determined by our genetic blueprint which urges us to spread our seed (and our legs) as far and wide as possible.

In other words, while different gay men stray for different reasons, these reasons are often guided and driven by the basic male instinct to screw and get screwed (pardon the language).

Admittedly, there are a few gay saints remaining on this earth who can claim to be truly insulated from the fooleries of desire, but the rest of us gay folks share a common Achilles' heel: we often think with our dicks.

In fact, it would take a strong strong homo to be able to resist the shameless attention from some guy he finds attractive - especially when that guy is able to make him feel sexy, powerful or attractive in a way that his current partner does not.

Add that to the thrill and excitement of sexual flirtation with some guy new, the delicious "forbiddenness" of an extramarital affair, and of course, the challenge to see if he can get away with it - and you'll understand (though perhaps not condone) why gay men stray.

To make matters worse, even if we (gay men) are not actively "looking", our gaydar appears to be permanently set on "CGA" ("Cute Guy Alert"). And when the target of our affections appears to be even remotely interested, we will, more likely than not, automatically switch to "Cruise and Conquer" mode - even if we happen to be attached.

To be fair, there are gay men who are capable of maintaining a strictly monogamous relationship with their partners for life. To these gay couples (who are either blessed, clueless or totally in denial), I would say: "treasure what you have".

However, it is not uncommon even for monogamous gay couples to experience a stage in their relationship where sex ceases to be as exciting as it once was. After years of staying and sleeping together, couples may come to a point where they no longer spend time on the sheets igniting each other into a sexual conflagration before climaxing like pent-up geysers.

When sex becomes routine or when the bedroom action gets a little limp (pardon the pun), the thought of philandering behind one's partner's back starts creeping in. In the worst case scenarios when lovers become like brothers or when sex dries up completely, most gay men would tend to look for sexual gratification elsewhere.

This is hardly surprising since a sizable portion of the gay community appears to subscribe to the Village People belief that variety is indeed the spice of life. Longing for a taste of what the gay scene has to offer, gay men often find themselves compelled to try out other "side dishes" - even when they already their "main course" before them.

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Similarly, if one partner happens to be a sexathon titleholder while the other has the bedroom appetite of an abstinent monk, the difference in sexual requirements will often be the root cause of straying.

To put in simply, if your man can't get no satisfaction from you, there's a high chance that he will get it from someone else. For to quote Zsa Zsa Gabor: "Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended."

Then there is the issue of incompatible sexual fantasies or fetishes between partners. For instance, if one partner wants to live out a fantasy involving nipple clamps and stilettos while the other prefers to be dominated while decked out in full military regalia, then Houston, have we got a problem!

Whatever the case may be, if either partner is of the opinion that his significant other is unlikely or unwilling to partake in his sexual fantasy/ fetish, then it is highly likely that he will seek out others with similar preferences because he wouldn't think of asking his partner to do it.

Sex-related reasons aside, the tendency to stray may also be more prevalent amongst gay couples who commit to a relationship too soon. When one or both partners realize that they never really had the opportunity to "sow their wild oats", they will be tempted to stray because they may want to make up for lost time and enjoy what the rest of the homoverse has to offer (who doesn't?).

Most of the time, gay culture and its liberal stance towards sex have been blamed for making it so much easier for gay men to fool around. Feeling frisky? Just grab your speedos and saunter down to the local gay swimming pool for some shower room groping, or drop by your favourite gay sauna for an steamy encounter of the Jack-and-Rose in the car variety as seen in the movie, Titanic.

To complicate matters further, there is the prevailing and consenting mindset amongst gay men (or at least the gay pals I spoke to) that "straying" is an integral part of any gay relationship and that "it's no big deal".

While there are a few who claimed that they would hit the roof and unleash a level of devastation not seen since Godzilla hit Tokyo, there is an equal number who are unfazed and seemed to adopt an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality on the issue of straying.

Not surprisingly, the gay men in the latter category are either guilty of straying every now and then, or are "jaded" enough to consent to their partners having a fling - as long as they don't return home and catch their partners grazing eagerly on the pubic pastures of a cute young thing.

In the final analysis, whether one likes it or not, and whether one is guilty of it or not, straying as a phenomenon is here to stay. If you choose and are able to stay faithful or if you happen to be an advocate of open relationships, then good for you.

However, if you choose to stray once, twice or every now and then, just make sure you retain the presence of mind to clean up your own mess and exhibit a sense of fair play not to throw a hissy fit if your partner does the same.