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25 Aug 2006

ask alvin about drunken sex, thai boys and alvin tan

Welcome to Fridae's monthly advice column where Alvin dispenses his own unique brand of advice for those who need it oh-so-badly.

Hey Alvin,

I'm wondering what your thoughts are about sex with a drunk (but conscious of course) person - especially if it's the first date? With all the talk about date rape, respect for another person and whether one is actually able to consent to sex if they are drunk, blah, blah, blah....

Am I obligated to wait for a sober second date or is it perfectly ok to go at it with drunken person if she makes no effort - oral or otherwise - to refuse? (Oh, would love to hear from other readers too.)


Dear Anonymous,
I fail to understand the appeal of engaging in sexual intercourse with someone who is about as responsive in bed as a piece of wilted lettuce - unless that someone is me and I'm performing an act of charity sex but I digress.

There are two arguments about inebriated sex. The "for" argument claims that a drink or two can help you relax, loosen your inhibitions and allow you to explore desires you might otherwise feel hesitant about if you were sober.

The "against" argument claims that too much alcohol can result in flaccid flagpoles (for gay men) and wrongly inserted dildos (for gay women). Worse, your judgment may be so impaired that you engage in unsafe sexual behaviour or wake up the next morning with a troll snoring beside you.

In your case, if your date is a Frigid Freida and is merely using alcohol as a convenient excuse to part her thighs - then by all means go down on her. If she is really really drunk, then you really shouldn't take advantage of her incapacitated state.

However, I think you're missing the point here. If all you want is sex, then just tell her. Why waste time going out on dates? Maybe that's what she wants too. And if she doesn't, then maybe she has friends who do.

Your Intoxicating (Not Intoxicated) Sister,
Alvin Tan

As a Western man of 58, who's "been around the block" a few times, I can't believe I'm writing to you, but I love your advice and wit, so here I am, with a major dilemma....

I have, for about eight months, known the most perfect (for me) young man I have ever met. He is a 25-year-old Thai man. For the last one month, he has lived in my home in Australia as a roommate....

He tells me he loves me and, of course, I tell him I love him - which I do. Both ways, it's "pure" love - there has never even been a kiss (well, not on the lips). He cares for me more than any partner I have ever had - he will even cook just for me when he is not eating.

It feels like we are "monastic boyfriends." We are so "in synch" that I tell him we are twins born in different countries at different times. Strangely, we have admitted to each other that, when younger, we wished we were twins so we could make love to "ourselves." Nicely narcissistic, no?

I believe the only thing that prevents him from taking the next step is his highly idealistic desire to have a boyfriend "who will be with me until the day I die," so he sets very strict age (and family medical history) limits - must be not more than four years different in age to himself. His last "perfect match" lasted three months and still he doesn't learn...

I am planning to move to Thailand later this year and I have a lovely Thai man, 29-year-old, waiting for me - well-educated, loving, lonely and hoping sooo strongly that he and I will work out. After months of Internet chatting with him, I believe we can. My Thai "roommie" even chats to him to assure him that I am the right man for him.

Can I do this? Can I leave the "perfect" guy who doesn't accept me as boyfriend for the "imperfect but very nice" guy who wants me with all his heart? No matter what happens in Thailand, I know I will never stop loving my "roommie." I'm hoping I can find enough love for two Thai men.

Your thoughts please, Alvin...


Dear Dilemma,
I'm rather skeptical - all right, all right - I'm totally skeptical about what you have written - namely how can you be sure that your Thai "roommie" is the right guy for you after only eight months and how can you even be sure that your other Thai guy "wants (you) with all his heart" just by chatting with him through the Internet?

Personal skepticism aside, I believe that three-way relationships can work only if the parties involved openly discuss their reasons for wanting a three-way. While double the partners can mean twice the pleasure, it also means having to pay attention to the needs and emotions of another person - as well as the tricky act of incorporating another penis during love-making.

However, judging by what you have written, I'd say that loving two Thai men isn't your problem. If I may be blunt, I think it's more a case of whether you can let go of a one-sided relationship that was never physically "consummated."

You have said it yourself that your chaste "roommie" does not regard you as his partner and in fact, plays a part in helping you find a new partner. My advice to you would be to face up to reality and accept the fact that your celibate-with-you-only (hint! hint!) roommate is only a roommate.

In fact, the sooner you forget the idea of a romantic relationship with your current Thai "roommie", the better. In the meantime, I recommend that you get on with your life and embrace your upcoming move to Thailand with open arms (or legs for that matter).

Homo-Breaker of Celibacy Vows Everywhere,
Alvin Tan
Dear Alvin,
I love all your witty and sarcastic comments (though not exactly wise every time but practical) that hit the spot every time. May I be given a chance to hit your all spot(s)? And just exactly how old are you? And can you prevent the editor from deleting your profile whenever (and wherever) you put it up? And, is there any office sex that goes on in and 'behind' Fridae?

Please enlighten my spots!


Dear Spot-aneous,
Firstly, do you not know that in polite society, it is the height of rudeness to ask a lady about her (ahem) age? And as Emily Howard, the rubbish transvestite from Little Britain, would say: "I'm a Lady!"

Secondly, why does everyone assume that the Fridae office is the equivalent of Cock Central just because it happens to be staffed by the crme de la queer of the homosexual community? At Fridae, we go about our work most professionally - except when that butch technician comes in for his server maintenance routine.

The homosexual community may have a less restrictive attitude towards sex but that doesn't mean that we act like walking erections all the time. (Editor's Note: For once I concur with Alvin - it's hard to have any erection with Alvin Tan promenading around and acting like the Queen Herself.)

And finally, I have it on good gay-thority that if Fridae were to feature my profile in my articles, the resulting traffic would be so heavy that it would cause the website's server to shut down - repeatedly.

p.s. As for your spots, I would recommend SK-II Whitening Source which evens out skin tone by reducing the appearance of spots.

A True Lady,
Alvin Tan

Do you seek deliverance from your problems with your boyfriend/ girlfriend/ one-night stand? Do you spend sleepless nights wrestling with your sexuality or sex partner? Then email your queries to Ask Alvin at editor@fridae.com and have your burdens lifted by Alvin. We regret that we're unable to respond to letters personally.

Reader's Comments

1. 2006-08-26 09:58  
Wake up and smell the cofee, these guys are just looking for a sugar daddy.... the only difference is the one is willing to put out, the isnt!
Comment #2 was deleted by its author
3. 2006-08-26 11:32  
I will NEVER date guys who drink.

Their breaths smell and taste terrible.

And their sexual performance is BAD.
4. 2006-08-26 11:32  
Alvin, your words certainly cute yet straights..
And for Mr.Western Man, What's Alvin Says i ABSOLUTELY correct.. Roomie is a Roomie! Don't let this Love Triangle Stopping you from being with your True Love.

For Mr.Western Guy, Good Luck.
For Alvin, Keep It Up!
God Speed.
5. 2006-08-26 11:36  
Fridae's articles are v popular with Chinese internet community






6. 2006-08-26 11:40  
i agree with mikeviv - wake up!

your roomie is making use of u!
7. 2006-08-26 12:15  
Mikeviv is a genius! *^_^*
8. 2006-08-26 14:03  
If you need the person to be drunk then sleep with you, you must be unattractive.
9. 2006-08-26 14:06  
Old caucasian man is rich. Young Asian guy with him. 100% of time - Asian guy is gold-digger. Bad for Asian guys' image every where.
10. 2006-08-26 15:12  
It seems that too many people are stuck at thinking westerners are considered sugar daddies or rich and as in this article the thai boi is users.

That is very closed thinking in my opinion and is a real worry/ scary that so many people can only think in this way.
11. 2006-08-26 16:18  
I strongly recommend " Khun Western Man of 58 "to hit the first Asia Books bookstore upon arrival into the Land of Smile , purchase for Thb 550 (only) "Hello my Handsome Man, Please Come Inside" and use it as his own personal "Travel Survival Kit" for the first six months of his stay.
Alternatively , there are plenty of attractive , lonely, educated and financially independent Thai men of his age group who would qualify to be the "perfect guy". All depends of your priorities.
12. 2006-08-26 22:17  
there are facts of life that you should accept at that age: at almost 60 and still hoping a man half your age will love you for you is a bit too delusional.
you are probably conscious of the reality and just refuse to accept it.
i say learn to admit and accept auntie. acceptance will set you free of your delusions and enjoy the wildest sex of your remaining breaths.
13. 2006-08-26 23:25  
Samdo is also a genius! *^_^*
14. 2006-08-27 10:03  
This person starts off his letter with "As a Western man of 58, who's 'been around the block' a few times, I can't believe I'm writing to you". I guess that says it all. This man is too full of himself to actually realise what's going on. In all likelihood, none of his lovely Thai boys are interested in him.
15. 2006-08-27 10:54  
Pure genius, each and every one of you! *^_^*
16. 2006-08-28 10:38  
I've been told my some friends who have 1-nite-stands that they pretend to appear drunk so they have they don't have be responsible the next day like they can tell the other person "I don't remember anything. Goodbye." And especially when the other person isn't that good, it's an easy escape.

17. 2006-08-28 10:52  
You mean Alvin's articles?!!
18. 2006-08-28 11:18  
To koreanhunk:
Maybe you should read her letter properly first - she is asking if its the RIGHT thing to do sleeping with a drunk, NOT that she needs someone to be drunk to sleep with the person.
Comment #19 was deleted by its author
20. 2006-08-29 00:58  
Ermmm,,,i wonder,,,,,can drinking really helps during sexual intercourse???,,,,,For all i know,,it doesn't gives me that type of satisfaction for that kind of action,,,,,,,I mean tht knid of sensation,,,,,especially when one is active while the other appears to be 'passive'......Perhaps it is the Lust we are talking about here.........
21. 2006-08-29 03:47  
This gentleman does not seem to have been very far "round the block" - he doesn't seem to have learnt the most basic rules of life and love. He does however seem to fit the stereotype of a Sugar Daddy GWM arm-in-arm with an Asian half his age.
Doesn't he know that everyone has a reason for doing anything? One reason his Australian Thai friend is there would seem to be for companionship. We can only guess at the motives of the guy in Thailand.
It would be interesting to know whether he has ever had a ltr of say 10-15 years - he seems to be rather keen to puncture his Thai friend's laudable aspirations for his own selfish reasons.
22. 2006-08-31 00:22  
I think if you two are both drunk, it can be a fun thing as long as you're both kinda feeling that way. But I agree with Alvin about even wanting to mess around with an unresponsive pillow queen. Sadly, some girls can't even use the drunk excuse for being a pillow queen...no disrespect, i know some women prefer women to be that way. Being a little drunk together can also inspire creativity in my experience.
23. 2006-08-31 23:24  
I disaggree entirely. Your 'roomie' is a manipulative little fuck who wants u gagging for it - and u are. This positions u well for the ultimate fleeching. Probably when u are leaving for Thailand he will announce his love for you. "Dont goooooooooo...!!"

Forget moving to Thailand. You wont be able to keep ur hands off all the other improverished delectables waiting to fleech you also.

The rumors are true - 25 year old beauty boys are as interested in old white men as your vanity allows. You are not that goodlooking or interesting.

Play his game and then fuck him senseless, or tell him to fuck off now.

Stop deluding yourself. Around the block indeed.
24. 2006-09-01 07:58  
Oh dear Oh dear Oh dear
With age should come a maturity and intelligence that is so obviously lacking here. How can anyone be so pathetically deluded. For a start you are not twins - there is a massive age gap and you are from completely different cultures - you are not and never could be twins or brothers - I think at a stretch you may be able to say Father and Son. How long have you known these people - months - how much actual time have you spent with this poor man in Thailand - I mean actual real time spent together - not just visiting on a holiday - I'll wager not a great deal - and now you are in love - surely you must have some insight to suggest that possibly this is just a sad lonely old man clutching at something that is no more than lust on your part. To claim that you are in love and share a spiritual bond is just insulting to someone who has actually worked hard on a relationship over a long period of time and has actually built up a problem. This guy who is your room mate is actually sensible enough not to embark on a physical relationship and I can only imagine that like all 50+ rice queens you must be out of shape, anemicly pale and completely full of yourself - so good on him for having the good sense to leave you alone. Just because he cooks for you - big deal - it's just cooking you really need to gain some perspective.

Then we have this delightful dissertation from farangthai (#13) who seems a little more grounded in reality and does actually make some good points however his appalling attitude towards how to treat other humans (specifically thai males in this case) demonstrates an alarming lack of humanity that just wouldn't be tolerated anywhere else in the world in the context of a relationship.

I believe that only when rice queens are consistently told where to stick it - will they no longer be able to get away with this shit. I hope it happens soon.
25. 2006-09-01 11:26  
Dont be too fast to criticise and condemn. Forget thai boys or money boys for that matter. Lets turn the table on us, the so-called "sensible" men. Many gay men may or will end up old, alone and yes.. out of shape and uninteresting, etc.. Well, 58yo dilemma gay man has just demonstrated one of the true traits of the many out there. He is SDU (single, desperate and unwanted.) Be warned - we will reach this stage, some sooner than expected! What he is desperately seeking is companionship, hopefully come handy with love. Its hard, yes, maybe impossible too. But he showed strength and a never-give-up attitude. Never mind the travelling. As age is catching up fast with him, I believe he will chase that "love" no matter where as long as his money can buy! So sad, yes! So degrading, yes! But we may be too young still to think of what "true lies" ahead of us! Beware! Look around you. We could be that dilemma man in no time! Just ask your wallet! Then ask yourself: "Am I a sensible man?"
26. 2006-09-01 20:53  
Erm.... I shouldn't make excuses but I wrote my msg while really drunk. If necessary, I apologize.

Curious assertion from Marcus493 - "I believe that only when rice queens are consistently told where to stick it - will they no longer be able to get away with this shit."

Is this a call for a separatist asian gay thing? - wow

White guys in relationships with older Asians should
talk more publicly. My Thai bf is a 40something uni. professor.
27. 2006-09-02 03:07  
Western man of 58 is totally vain, foolish and desperate. His room mate is using him for a better life in Australia and his internet true love will use him for a better life in Thailand. Thai boys are masters of the game of old farang expolitation and more power to them. This guy is really out of his league. What on earth has he been doing the last 38 years? He has been around the block but not that far from home. It must have been a short block! Since he has not been successful in Australia what makes him think he will be successful in Thailand? Does he know the definition of "money boy"? When his bank account runs out so will his soul mate twin and net true love. Tan's comments and advice are on dead center.
28. 2006-09-02 03:09  
I forgot to add "immature" to the list of adjatives.
29. 2006-09-05 10:44  
You should look for someone of your age instead of trying to score on young Asian guys.
Come on people!! why is that western guys don't fall for us in their 20's and then once they are old, they think they are entitled to get a younger asian boy?

Have some self-dignity please!!
30. 2006-10-03 18:16  
that image of an old white guy with a young asian guy half his age is just as good as true..

its happening everywhere.. gosh.. those white guys are usually loaded with money where the young guy is actually interested in...

we all know it within ourselves... just admit it..
31. 2006-12-03 02:20  

I always vy hard after drink...... how to control..........my dick....
32. 2006-12-04 00:12  
As a passive, i prefer my partner to be sober, From past experiences i find that they had never been able to perform well after getting drunk and that is bad.

Sexually Satisfied, Emotionally Wanted. That's what one should go for.
33. 2007-01-28 10:05  
It is true that there is no fool like an old fool. It is also true that there are many young men - not just Asian men - who will go to bed with an older man. Astonishingly, there are many who prefer it, tho when I was 25 I would never have believed it. (I am 57.) But, man, don't take it seriously. Those boys can have all the Daddy's they want, as you can well imagine. If you want a partner, find someone closer to your own age.
34. 2007-02-01 23:43  
Here is another classic story an old bugger with the young full of cum. Why am I not so surprice.

Have seen this a lot before in gay immigration group in Australia which too big gap between their ages. Only few of partners are survice.

The point is this guy just need you as an insurance. Once he got what he want, he will move on to someone that he think suitable for him. Don't believe? Try it!!
35. 2007-02-15 01:02  
Dear Alvin

What good advice and you said it without falling off your chair with laughter.

Sorry Aussie guy but you should get out more.

36. 2008-03-26 14:27  
haha ! u r the best alvin !

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