Fridae

Catching Fantastic Four with my posse of gay friends over the weekend proved to be a most trying experience. While our heterosexual counterparts would probably argue over who gets to bed the Invisible Woman, we were fighting tooth and manicured nail over who gets to be the Invisible Woman.

Played by the honey-hued Jessica Alba, the Invisible Woman possesses invisibility related powers (duh!) as well as the ability to increase her IQ quotient to "Director of Genetic Research" level simply by putting on a pair of spectacles and sprouting pseudo-scientific lines like "The new read-outs are very promising!"

Gender reassignment issues aside, the Invisible Woman appeals to gay men because her powers would be absolutely perfect for the homo-lifestyle. Just imagine! The ability to sneak into the gym showers with the man-meat of your choice completely unseen and the ability to project invisible force fields to repel even the most persistent of bar trolls!

However, if playing the Invisible Woman would prove to be too damaging for your butch reputation, you could always consider the foursome's resident hothead: Johnny Storm aka the Human Torch (Chris Evans). A literal "flamer" who likes to yell "Flame on!", the Human Torch is the man every gay twinkie wants to be with his hot bod and ability to lose his shirt at the slightest excuse.

Equally appealing to gay men would be the leader of the fabulous foursome: Dr. Reed Richards aka Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd). A genius-level scientist and a moron-level lover in the movie, Mr. Fantastic is a walking rubber-band and possesses the ability to bend and elongate any part of his body - which immediately makes him the ideal yoga instructor as well as the dream boyfriend for size queens everywhere.

Unfortunately, the remaining member of the Fantastic Four, Ben Grimm aka The Thing is nowhere as aesthetically pleasing and looks like Don Rickles with the complexion of an orange jigsaw puzzle. The only consolation is that prior to that fateful encounter with cosmic radiation, he used to date a shameless hussy who doesn't think twice about running through the streets at night wearing only skimpy lingerie.

Clad in matching and fetching spandex suits, the quarrelsome quartet bicker as if they were in a day-time soap and engage in wanton destruction of public property whenever they attempt to "rescue" innocent bystanders or "protect" mankind from the movie's megalomaniacal super-villain: Victor Von Doom aka Dr. Doom (Julian McMahon) - who incidentally looks as if he's morphing into The Silver Surfer and Electro.

All in all, despite being a not-so-fantastic film (no thanks to its uneven pacing, cheesy CGI and ridiculous script), Fantastic Four still provides champ entertainment perfect for the gay night out. Not just because of its four crime fighters and their fantastic powers but also because of its central message of accepting and celebrating those who are different from the norm - or as the Human Torch not-so-subtly puts it: "This is who we are. Accept it. Or, better yet, enjoy it."