A Message From An Ex Homophobe

I used to think homosexuals are disgusting. and unnatural and weird and gross and abnormal. In church I would nod along fervently when my pastor condemns “the gays” and rightfully belong in hell. I felt secure in my self righteous thinking that homosexuals were societal deviants, to be ignored or at best, tolerated as one of those moral excesses of today’s modern world.

When a friend on my facebook list comment on a post by this SG Gay Confessions, I was rather disgusted. I know he is a straight and I warned him about accepting that homosexual lifestyle. Would we want our children raised in a world whereby sexual deviancy is embraced? We argued for long hours and when we met up in school, he gave me the cold shoulder. I angrily told his girlfriend he was committing a sin by encouraging the gays. Her response to me was “why do you project such hostile feelings towards people you don’t know? Do you even have gay friends?”

I started thinking about her questions and many others that followed. I even went to my pastor and asked him (his reply was that he worked with many homosexuals and view them as pitiful as sex workers!). I read up on a lot of academic arguments that sought to challenge the premise that homosexuality is a wrong moral choice. As there are no scientific conclusions that such a trait is inborn, both sides seem equally compelling. What deeply troubled me is that if it is purely a moral choice, why would so many choose to be “wrong”? I started to view homosexuals less as “moral criminals” and more as “gay people”. But by accepting gays & lesbians as just people, was I committing a moral wrong too?

My roommate came across my laptop one day that had a rather hostile blog post view of the homosexual lifestyle. He was upset about it until I explained that I was just researching on these arguments to try and decide where I stand. He then showed me this facebook page (again this forum!) and asked me to read the entries here. He said that he would give me an hour and then come back to tell me something.

I couldnt see the point in why he wanted me to read some gay confessions but since I was free that afternoon I read some. One hour didnt seem enough and by the time he returned to our room I was beginning to get it. Some stories made me laugh and some of you are very naughty! But many were sad stories and I felt bad for being part of the misunderstanding that makes gays feel they have to be hidden for who they are. Maybe these were what I needed to read to understand. 

So I wish to apologise to every gay, lesbian and transgender who have been hurt by my ignorance. After I said that to me roommate he smiled and said, I have something to tell you. I am gay. And he brought in his boyfriend and introduced us! I thought I would be uncomfortable but they are just like any other normal guys and I didnt even know I was living next to a gay guy for the past 8 months.

I wished them and all of you happiness.

Original Post: A Message From An Ex Homophobe
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Reader's Comments

9 years ago
Dear Ex-Homophobe,
I think U are a very wise person. U dared to search for the truth even though those around U are so ignorant. One good eg. is my hero, Lee Kuan Yew. His son is quite indifferent to the plight of gays regarding Sect. 377a. But Mr. LKY did his research & was quite convinced that gays do not choose their life-style. Apart from other "contributing factors", Its mainly genetic. Who in his right mind CHOOSE to be gay? With all the taunting at school at those who are effeminate, the sneering by colleages at work, the fear of discovery at the thought of being weird or a freak etc. etc.? Life is very difficult & sometimes ( psychologically) painful for many gays.
I was told by a priest that it was a SIN to masturbate . According to a Kinsey survey, 92 % of men engage in this pleasurable pursuit. I became a catholic & prayed very hard to be Heterosexual. But i couldn`t stop looking at men & wanking. After 2 years , i told myself "If I`m going to hell, then I shall enjoy the rest of my life first. Let God judge me". I was born "this way" but I am now very glad to be gay ! Took me about 50 years to come out to my relatives. Except for one, the rest were very warm & understanding. In fact we`ve become closer in our relationships.
9 years ago
it took a while for an educated person (homophobe) to understand homosexuality, we are glad you finally understood! & To bonsaichye , wish you forever happiness!