When I was in National Service, I was privileged to have worked on the ground as a police officer. I’ve seen many things from drug abuse, robbery, to even deaths. National Service taught me to be stronger not only physically, but mentally as well.
Donning the blue uniform, I’ve somewhat programmed my mind to disconnect myself from work-related matters. Not because I have to, but it was just easier when performing my job.
With this confession, I won’t go into details of the encounters (as I’m not allowed to), but to highlight an important matter.
I’ve seen many kinds of death. But what struck me the most are suicide cases. I always thought to myself, “What could I have done to stop one from ending his/her life?” In the initially stage of work, the cases left me with deep thoughts. I pondered of the fragile lives and the people that are left behind. I felt the intense emotions of their loved ones, while I tried to bring them up from their weakened knees.
Soon after, as I frequented such cases, I grew numb. Void of emotions because they were considered as a work hazard to me. There was no room for emotions when we officers had to work with a clear mind. It gets tough sometimes, but we have to soldier on.
One day, I received a text from a friend, stating our schoolmate had taken her life. I was told it was because of her relationship. We were close, me and her. Memories of her flashed on my mind. Unknowingly, I teared in the bus. During her wake, I met up with her father, whom I’ve never met. He seemed to have got himself gathered. We spoke for about 20 minutes of the fond memories we shared. He then looked me in the eyes and said “I don’t know what I could have done to stop her from doing that. If only I was home 5 minutes earlier.” It broke me because the same thought was on my mind, except it was for a stranger. We then hugged and we sobbed. I looked at her for the last time before I left for home.
From then on, suicide cases got harder for me. Sometimes, I cant help but to grieve. We are all human afterall. Shortly after, I ended National Service. I went in with an open mind but left with a greater appreciation for life.
Reading the recent story of the guy who had taken his life, was hard for me. My guts churned and I broke into tears. No one should ever end their life, especially not because they’re different… My heart grieved. It is still aching.
My thoughts are with the family, friends and ex boyfriend. No one should be at fault. No one saw it coming, no one would have known better. I hope you guys will find support in each other, going through these tough times. Our thoughts are with you.
I applaud the administrator of this page for doing this. It’s not easy, we know. We appreciate that a lot.
Lastly, I hope no one has to go through these hardships. May we all learn to be more inclusive and supportive of one another.
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