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25 Mar 2007

ah men! yeah, yeah, yeah i cheated

''There are two types of gay boyfriends in this world: The Ones Who Cheat, and The Ones Who Don't Cheat,'' says Jonathan Zhang who confesses to being a cheater when he first came out.

As much as I hate to admit it, there are two types of gay boyfriends in this world: The Ones Who Cheat, and The Ones Who Don't Cheat. If you are a stickler for details, you could sub-divide them into various sub-categories like 'The Ones Who Technically Don't Cheat Because You Don't Know About It' or 'The Ones Who Technically Don't Cheat Because They Told You About The Cheat After The Cheating'. I have to admit that when I first came out, I belonged to the cheating category whereby the ex-boyfriend is kept in the dark with regards to my after-hours activities. Call me an asshole for not being faithful. But gaydom to any newly out homosexual is all too enticing and tempting to not cheat on one's boyfriend.

Group Portrait by Jonathan Zhang
I've been gay for eight years coming and I guess like most of you guys, I learnt the gay ropes through trial and plenty of error. In fact, I learnt about the sex before realising that pleated pants are a big no-no for the fashion-conscious gay person. Not that I have a warped sense of what being gay is. But I guess along the way, I somehow picked up the notion that cheating on your boyfriend was something like a norm and that one shouldn't be surprised if the favour was returned. In fact, forgiveness, patience and tolerance were the keywords back then; and they would be mine too if I were to find out my current boyfriend was cheating on me. (Good thing that he isn't - forgiveness can comeafter the castration).

Thus, it was with this idealism that I approached my first gay relationship which lasted 37 months (it sounds better than three years and a month). Year One was passionate and overflowing with cheesy declarations of love. Year Two started to get boring and we started running out of ways to improvise and innovate somewhere between the 117th - 146th sessions of sex. Year Three however, was just fraught with scandals on my part. You could just imagine what the leftover month was like. Fists were involved, and not in a 'fisting with jockstraps' kinda way as one critic on my previous column commented. I think I scarred the boyfriend in ways that only another relationship could heal. For that, I ought to be crucified ala Madonna minus the shiny disco bits (because flashing lights give me seizures).

Looking back, I cheated on the boyfriend mainly because I got bored of having sex with the same person over and over again. Not that my ex didn't out-perform himself. I guarantee you that he's superb as a bedding partner and I would enthusiastically provide a referral if he ever needed one. That being said, I like variety too. I mean, you can be crazy about bak chor mee (minced meat noodles), but imagine eating the same noodles every day! Just because I like my sex to involve two phallic objects (his and mine) does not mean they have to be the same two phalluses every time.

Which brings me to another thought: If my parents who have been happily married for 22 years can do it with nary a scandal in sight, then why can't the typical gay relationship survive past a measly three years? Even if they got together only because of me (I'm 23 this year, do the scandalous math), they stuck with it for more than two decades, which puts me and my ex's 37 month record to shame. The love I have for my fellow man can be just as pure and universal as the love a man has for a woman. So why can't gay men keep their willies in their pants? Or maybe I should be asking, "What's love got to do with it?"

Truth be told, I've always felt that boy-boy love is just more fraught with trials and tribulations. Not only do you fight to get accepted by the general public, sometimes you even have to fight to get accepted for being who you are in the gay circle. How many times have we heard nasty gossip going round about the hot guy with the fugly boyfriend? Or the spring chicken going out with the grandfather? Or the Asian and his Caucasian boyfriend? So maybe all this pressure gets to us, and we resolve it throughpromiscuity?

And who amongst us is truly innocent? We wear out tightest best to the gym and the clubs. We are religious disciples who worship at The Temple of Free Weights. We preen and pimp ourselves out, subjecting ourselves to never-ending beautification regimes and self-improvement rituals, not just for our boyfriends, but also in the hope of looking hot to random strangers and the world at large. Okay, maybe I speak only for myself. But even happily attached or "married" men with partners have been known to flirt with me. So what happened to being faithful? Are men biologically incapable of not wanting to sow their wild oats? Are two gay men simply just double the trouble?

Well, eight years down the pink and glittery road to being gay, I guess I've had my fair share of bad relationships and cheating men to spot a good deal when I see one. The current boyfriend (#3, and hopefully the last) intends to stay faithful, if not forever, then at least for now. And oddly enough (given my history), so do I. True, the never-ending temptation of the dirty SMSes and hot men at the clubs are still there, but I've found my perfect dish, and he tastes different everytime I eat him. And right now, that's all the variety I need.

Jonathan Zhang has been gay for eight years, a nurse for four, attached and not cheating for three (months), and pretty much one of low-intellect for like, ever. You can read the combined average of the above in his blog at www.spankthemalenurse.blogspot.com Ah Men! will be updated every Sunday..

Reader's Comments

1. 2007-03-25 01:16  
Hmmm.. well done on attempting to cover an issue which certainly is true amongst our society..

..but again - as I said about the last article - this kinda stuff, or rather the way it is writen, only gives people the amunition to say that all gay guys sleep around, play around and rarely stick to one person. NOT true for most of us! Please don't encourage others to see it like this article presents otherwise how do you think we will ever have and equal place in society?!

And Johnathon - your blog really is great! It is writen very well and the content is amusing! Why in all your articles do we seem to be dredging through the gutters in terms of your language use and content! U clearly have a good writing ability from reading ur blog - please dont change your style when u write for fridae.com!
2. 2007-03-25 01:55  
23 years old and sooooo experienced. ok, that was rude, but as a 40+ man, i think i may have a better idea of what you're writing about then you do.

commitment and monogamy are ideals that are easily adopted based on str8 culture, but difficult to live up to in the culture that surrounds us. hell, even our str8 counterparts are not so good at it, though most are much to worried about getting caught to actually admit to it.

keep this article in your scrapbook...and refer to it when you're in your 40's. by then, you may actually have enough experience to write such an article and be respected for it's depth...gained by age, experience...and having some wrinkles and a bit of fat that make monogamy start to feel more a requirement than a luxury. either way, enjoy the journey! :-)

toodles,
David of the Bangkok Way
3. 2007-03-25 04:26  
Whoever gets the power of money, the beauty of appearance, the health of Hercules and the wisdom of Aristorto, he can be a forever cheater before the end of his days comes. The majority goes with those less fortunate ones for being to be cheated because God has his own ruling to create this world. The above qualilities sledom found in those to be cheated. Afterall, it is a matter of demand and supply, the better his qualities, the higher the chances he can use his ability to cheat and vice versa. The only creteria is that there must be no love entanglement to keep his mind and soul as calm and still as the deep blue sea while chasing lustful pleasures and desires. In other words, no freaks can be a successful cheater or lier forever.
4. 2007-03-25 04:43  
At last something relevant and of substance...
5. 2007-03-25 04:53  
It's better in relationship to be honest upfront, is it going to be "open" relationship or truly monogamous relationship. Cheating in open relationship means blessed and permitted in wink wink from your partner even he might be interested into threesome or more sex encounter to deal with boringness.

Gays s are more promiscous because we don't have "hymen" as proof of virginity. We can't procreate and have babies and mind that cheating can be huge disaster to the family and kids.

Well back to our own commitments, if we can't have a truly monogamous relationship, what about
having clean sex buddies for safe group sex while we maintain our relationship.

or doing Swingers club styles.

But if vow has been exchanged in (gay) marriage
it should be honoured for life.

I support gay marriage, for those who really want and will preserve their love to death do us part.

But for those who still seek open relationship better be honest upront and not to promise anything.

Straight or gay doesn't really matter.
6. 2007-03-25 05:02  
Here are some good advice on how to find your faithful darling

1. How he presents himself here at Fridae, is it
a "meat" package, or more into relationship
package.

If you're looking for one night stands, sex, fun
go for those who present themselves as
"easy" and "sexy" kinds LOL

So better to look for guys that are fully clothed
instead LOL

No offense to those on semi nude or even
nude pics LOL

Thank goodness I don't put my nude pics here
:D

2. What are the places of these guys to hang
out at ?

Gay bars ? Bath houses ? Gay saunas and
massage parlors ?

Well good luck, if they will stay faithful......

Straight guys who always lust and crave
for sex all the times looking for O.N.S s
hookers (paid or free), they will likely to
be trouble makers in the relationship

3. How's their opinion about sex before marriage
(I mean commitment) in gay world. Is it quite
OK ?

The more liberal their opinions are, the more
likely they will cheat.

7. 2007-03-25 05:05  
But anyway,

If you feel you can't be honest and you likely to cheat

better SAY IT UPFRONT..............

Is it OK if I sleep with other guy if I got horny......

Do you mind with safe casual sex with other ?

Or are you OK with threesome or group sex ?

If he answers

I don't mind at all, it would be fun............

So nothing to argue about then
8. 2007-03-25 07:10  
when I am in realtionship I no cheat when I broke then I look for that for me
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21. 2007-03-25 09:03  
my world currently fraught with alot gays who are actually sisters (no offense ) posings as straights acting , real straights posing as gay or bi (getting their daily kicks n smirks in fridae n sgboy, earning pink dollars posing as rent boys),gays who are in constant self denial posing as bi.

so question is where is all the real straight acting gays
that other real acting gays looking for?
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23. 2007-03-25 09:48  
enjoyed reading. prefer this to your first article on fridae ;)
24. 2007-03-25 10:07  
"23 years old and sooooo experienced" said David of the Bangkok Way. rude? no. very true. the writer has not seen or experience enough of the gay world even with 8 years of experience under his belt.

if straight men were getting their fare bit of sex compare to us, do u think they ll go for commitment and monogamy?
i m sorry. i most cases, even IF straight men are getting enough sex (sorry again, strike that, there is never enough sex), straight men still cheat, just like any other hot blooded male.

being monogamy is just an ideal, just like virginity vows, veil wearing or any amount of social (however nonsensical) ideals.
if it works for you and u are happy, fine.
25. 2007-03-25 10:13  
The writer was just expressing his views from his past experiences. We should just take it with a pinch of salt. There is no recipe to a good relation. Everyone has a different idea of how a relation should be. Simply put, what works for you might not work for others. But the basis of communications still applies across all genre of relationships.
26. 2007-03-25 10:58  
We're happy that the writer has found his true love. Be strong together. Stay in love.
27. 2007-03-25 11:22  
I've been gay all my life and I'm not preaching about. Honestly, how boring was that to read!. Why people want to pigeon hole homosexuality into a hetrosexual sterotype I've no idea. Whatever rocks your boat I suppose.
28. 2007-03-25 12:02  
Irishguy,

That's a real good point you brought up.

Maybe i can offer you some insight about gay life in sg, and why the article is pretty tame by your standards.

Sgporeans are (among other things), pampered, brainwashed and .... pampered I guess. They are not as 'hardcore' gay as those in the West. Who else would they have to be their relationship idols but momma and dad.

Your closing sentence is hell appropriate. This day and age, we do whatever we want to get our thrills.... This is the Generation -Next.

However, some govt, like where Jon comes from, does not encourage boat-rocking.

Maybe you should write for Fridae.com instead and zip the gays in this part of the world into the 21st century.
29. 2007-03-25 12:35  
Ooh - we have a few "we're older than you so we know better than you" folks here.

I so don't think so.

Everyone has their personal understanding of "relationship", "love", and what it takes to build a successful relationship. If 2 people get together who believe in the same things, that's called compatibility.

If you haven't talked about it, then you're not in a relationsihp. Be honest with each other, talk things out, communicate your wants, desires and expectations.

It may not be a skill that many people in their 20's have acquired, but neither is it a skill that many people in their 30's, 40's, or older have either.

Honestly? Honesty is the best policy.
30. 2007-03-25 12:41  
And who amongst us is truly innocent? Hmmm ... the new YOU? Isn't that the ending point?

Even if that is not true one day, there can be the "yeah, yeah, yeah ... i cheated", "call me an asshole for not being faithful", and of course "who amongst us is truly innocent?"

One more thing, I like your "group portrait" a lot. Witty.
31. 2007-03-25 13:10  
I have to agree with some of the postings here.... The reason why I clicked the link was in the hope to read something insightful or at least to enthuse discussion. The column began intriguingly but by its conclusion sounded more like J was writing a glowing testament to his current relationship and his changed ways. The questions he poses remain unanswered although he raises some good points... I'd like to hope their's a part two to this blog?

If not and despite its shortcomings I felt compelled to reply to J's topic and throw a couple of thoughts/observations into the web-wind.

Firstly, no gay relationship can be compared to a heterosexual one. We are different and play by our own set of rules (no matter how angelic one feels one is). Gut impulses can be disguised but not hidden. Male-Female moulds cannot be the image to aspire to, or at least held as the 'ideal'. Men think/act/feel/react differently and so M2M relationships carry their own unique signature.

Secondly, monogamy has been dying a slow death for some time (both sides of the sexual fence). I personally feel we gay boys (and possibly girls) are ahead of the (majority) trend. We set the rules for 'open relationships'. Perhaps the minority is taking the lead of things to come...?

We're unique, just like everyone else :)

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33. 2007-03-25 16:21  
Sigh, quoting

"But gaydom to any newly out homosexual is all too enticing and tempting to not cheat on one's boyfriend."

we deserve to be discriminated don't we?

i always believe homo can be faithful....



yours faithfully,

TCP
34. 2007-03-25 16:30  
I tend to agree .. 2 men just double the trouble. Simple example .. a married heterosexual .. those who always cheat is the phalus side not the pussy part.. and now .. 2 dicks together .. just double the trouble.
35. 2007-03-25 18:32  
To DukeNukem, Sure, I'd like to. I've lived in Singapore for that last 10 years and listened to a lot of what Singaporeans have to say. Trust me when I say I understand the situation completely. Maybe one day Singapore will have its Stonewall.

A lot of gay men tend to look at the world with rose coloured glasses. Trust me, broken hearts are not exclusive to hetrosexual couples. Neither is being faithful. Its a personal choice. But people who day dream about finding mr. perfect, falling in love and living happily ever after are not in the real world at all. It takes a lot of invested time, energy and effort to make a relationship work. So to Playboy, yes I am older and know more than you. Bite me!.
36. 2007-03-25 18:42  
i posted something really cute but i hadnt logged in then and now i have to retype it, which loses all the humour. anyways, i just wanted to say props to you for writing what others think and want to say but dont have the guts to do so. you're too funny. i really admire you for this. i'd sure as hell like to spank the male nurse sometime soon. lol.
37. 2007-03-25 18:43  
btw, im probably gonna get a lot of bashing for this, but oh well. its true to some extent. i heard that car lovers are cheaters. and i love cars. so, you do the math, and see if it equals out.
38. 2007-03-25 18:50  
Well structured column. A lot of wit. I enjoyed it. Don't know why some people here are reacting so strongly. It's a column. Entertainment. And the writer's personal view on life. So please calm down everybody ;-)

However, Jonathan, try to avoid those comments put into brackets such as: (I'm 23 this year, do the scandalous math) or (#3, and hopefully the last). Sorry for being so fussy but I think it's important to let the text flow...

Looking forward to next Sunday!
39. 2007-03-25 19:08  
I think that there are two concepts that are raised in this article. One is that gay men, and gay young men in particular, tend to go through a phase of sleeping around. Second is that inherent to this phase is an element of infidelity and deceit.

While I agree with the first, I think the second is wholly determined by the individual's personality, maturity level, and social environment. I can honestly say that I have never once cheated on a significant other, and nor have I felt compelled to. A quick survey of my closest friends reveals that none of them have either - and these are people who would certainly let the world know the minute they'd pulled a root. I suspect one's social circle makes a great deal of difference as to the acceptability of this practice. Birds of a feather flock together as they say, and I think that cliche fits this scenario. But peer pressure and social cohesion (the almight pressure to contribute to the scandalous rumour mill that pervades every gay subculture) might explain away the heady encounters one has in their late teens and early twenties. When this type of behaviour extends further it seems to me that it is more likely due to a conscious choice that this is the type of lifestyle the person enjoys. Afterall, who habitually makes the same "mistake" without aiming to remedy it on a long-term scale? The alternative is that the person lacks any ability to deal with confrontation and would prefer to let things happen to them, rather than address them in a proactive manner.

Suffice to say, and in an effort to stem my word-count and save you all from dying of boredom, deceit in relationships is wholly avoidable and the simplest way to do that is to be honest with yourself about what it is that you want. Don't stay in a relationship that isn't working. Confront issues rather than painting over them. Easier said than done I know... But this isn't a forum for solutions is it...? :)
40. 2007-03-25 20:48  
Use ur head on your shoulders rather than your other head when u think of cheating... or read the last paragraph of graham streeter's interview and keep that in ur head and recite it when u feel like cheating.
41. 2007-03-25 21:05  
"Faithful to one, truthful to none".
42. 2007-03-25 21:38  
From my experience, there is no monogamy in this world. The first five years of my relationship, I thought my boyfriend is not cheating. In the sixth year, I realized that my boyfriend is a naughty guy. Hurt like hell, but I am still loving him.

43. 2007-03-25 21:53  
theory: guys who say they "never cheat" are the same ones who once proclaimed they "never masturbate".....a comfortable (?) state of denial...
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46. 2007-03-25 23:29  
I think the cause still goes to guy's nature. Both heterosexual or homosexual guys are very easily attracted to physically beautiful people. The difference is only lies in the gender of their objects.

In my personal view, the typical PLU phases are:
(1) In the first love, when a gay man was very naive and first exposed to PLU circle, he tends to believe in true love and a truthful relationship.
(2) After a painful relationship and get to know more PLUs, he started to enjoy the varieties.
(3) When age is catching up, and after trying many of the varieties, a gay man will tend to settle down and lookinig for a more stable relationship.

So, identify which phase is your partner going through now.
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48. 2007-03-25 23:31  
HAhaha,

Has aids and STDs never crossed anyone's minds?

Promiscuity has a price for the gay community.

Zip us to the 21st century?

Hmmm...i think promiscuity and gay sex existed since the greeks and who knows it could have been earlier.

Fidelity is self control and a commitment. Its alll in the mind, stop corrupting asian values with your filthy imported western values.

The difference between us and monkeys are that we think and are able to excercise restrain, wthout that we are like monkeys, screwing every "hole" they smell and like.
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50. 2007-03-25 23:44  
Wow. What a post@ 33 in a day. Let me add my fair share. I'm a Nurse too btw.

Never cheated. Never will (really pray hard). Relationships that cheat, kinda have a mistrust in the air. Why can't we all just control our lustful desires??

Guys, please, think with your Head, not your Dick.
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53. 2007-03-26 00:47  
i love that picture hahaha, its gunna be my wallpaper :D:D
54. 2007-03-26 01:37  
Monogamy is a sticky issue for men. Monogamy is a high calling for men and I put the percentage of truly monogamous men as 5%, which includes monks, priests, and the few good men who are attached. I have seen enough so-called men who preach monogamy but discovered to be real cheaters, especially when they are infected with STI/HIV and spreading to their partners. The inherent problem is that men needs a place for sex whereas a woman needs a reason. If one can achieve a monogamy level of 90%, I think it is an achievement for many. The other 10% is providing for circumstances of strong temptation coupled with a horny urge. Just imagine you travelling to another country with a cute guy carrying your luggage to your hotel. What one needs is a quick handjob or blowjob to ease one's tension. However, if one is consciously reminded of his commitment to his lover (especially not to get STI/HIV) before any infideliaty is committed, I am sure any man is capable of achieving a higher percentage of monogamy level, says 95%.

And about honesty. Personally I feel it is appropriate for the unfaithful to share his failure with his lover but I have received reply, "Dont tell me when you flirt around!"....I mean this is about open communication. What went wrong? Is the lover encouraging the unfaithful to hide the truths when he is willing to communicate honestly? Or is the lover an idealist who chooses to believe that his man never cheats on him?

55. 2007-03-26 03:08  
This is article is very good to be read.
First of all, i dont believe in true love. What i mean here is you can't sex with the same guy everyday. Maybe for 1 year you could, but soon you will found out that you couldn't control your desires to having sex with other guy(you want other guy's dick only!). Maybe the feeling for your partner is still hang on there, but then your sex desires is not just about your partner ! So what true love is? if you can't faithful and truthful to your partner, then there is no true love exist!!!!

Secondly, Dont ever said you never flirt with others while you having a bf or cheat on your bf. I believe 99% of gay guys in this earth will cheat and flirt. If you're from that 1%, then i could only say, "You are lucky to be faithful to your bf but your bf not necessary thought so. Becareful then". Haha.

Once i believed in love. Now its like i've been through many things and i grown up, so i know the truth and reality of gay community. The most importance is that appreciate what you having now because you wont know what will happen in future.
56. 2007-03-26 04:05  
the hell with fidelity,, but praise the loyalty..
The first is a phoney concept,the other is base of a true and solid relationship!!
I fuck others, but love my love only.
Fucking bithces is quenching of thirst, only. Making love with my love is sacred action!! With all respect and sincerity!!
Peace to all my brothers and sisters!!
57. 2007-03-26 05:46  
The issue is that people confuse love and sex.
Having sex with someone doesn't mean you love him.
Many gays, especially Asians, in my experience are highly insecure and think their bf doesn't love them if he has sex with other guys.
Relationships should not be based on sex alone. Sex is entertainment. You can make love to your bf which is different from having sex with a stranger in a bath.
I like variety. Not because my bf is boring, not because I don't love my bf. Because that's the way I express my sexuality.
You can be monogamous if both of you like to express yourself that way. It's not necessarily the best way to live your sexuality. It's one way. Choose the way that suits you best.

Be honest with your partner. If you know you will be having sex with strangers, then just agree on an open relationship. As long as it's agreed upon, it's no cheating. Cheating happens when you lie to each other about the way you'll express your sexuality.

Just be secure about who you are.
58. 2007-03-26 08:32  
well asian or non asian, i think all of us (human) are some how selfish and greedy. We just wan more. Only the few can sacrifice for their love or so called boy friend or dear... whatever u call it.
59. 2007-03-26 09:24  
there is true love in any relationship,just a matter if we meet it or not....and i strongly believe in a lasting love in guy/guy or girl/girl....
HAVE FAITH....cause love is just next to you!!
60. 2007-03-26 11:23  
garbage in = garbage out

you + your bf put a lot of efforts into your ltr = you + your bf enjoy the rewards
61. 2007-03-26 11:32  
i have to say, this is miles better than the first article you wrote.

there are two types of gay boyfriends - the one who cheats and the one cheats but you don't know it yet.

i see people equate love to everything here. cheating is cheating, however you want to look at it. yes, love & relationship aren't based solely on sex but a betrayal of sexual trust is a betrayal regardless, no? of course, if both parties are alright with having an open relationship then there won't be this problem to begin with. the problem is when sleeping with other men becomes a secret life you keep from your partner, ain't that then considered betrayal?

in other news, why do we have to align our relationships with that of heterosexual relationships, as if heterosexual relationships have no kinks in them. all relationships are independent of others that occur before or after them and thus should be taken with a fresh perspective. if having multiple sex partners is find with you and your partner, then it's fine. but what if only one of you feel strongly for this? what then is the compromise? should there even be a compromise?

alas, as someone pointed out, this is not a forum of conclusions.
62. 2007-03-26 12:16  
Errrr... I read your article and tried to read few comments but I choked (damn you Macy Gray!)
It seems like many gays try to justify their own xtra curricular activities by hiding behind the walls of open relationship :
I love my bf, but I fxxx others for sex .... Geee!
Be truthful to your bf then it's not cheating .... Triple Geeee!!!
Gosh! With these kinds of perceptions no wonder common people condemn us.
It's like let your libido do the thinking and your cock do the talking.
Try your best to love someone fully, then you would have no desire to fuck others, coz you know it's going to hurt him/her, while hurting him/her is like hurting yourself.
If the love and sex no longer gel, then find a way to make it work without slipping under someone's bedcover for temporary humping.
If it still doesnt work, then mutual break up is in order. But it's sad, very sad to lose someone you love (for 37 months like the article) to 5 min ecstasy.
Sad indeed.
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65. 2007-03-26 13:16  
Dear James_chi,
I believe you are the 5% truly monogamous man who has been able to keep a relationship faithfully. However, gay relationship is not easy to maintain and many of them last because of compromise like open relationship, preaching monogamy (say only to please the other party), etc. Such things also happen in the heterosexual relationships and hence I find your comments "with these kinds of perceptions no wonder common people condemn us" as irrelevant as the root of negative perception is homophobic in nature and any issue about gays is often sensationalized to make gays look bad.
66. 2007-03-26 13:47  
I stil see some guys in "Monogamous Relationship" here still looking around :D

OK, Guys, honestly, what are looking for here ?

You got your honey home, and what are you looking for ?

Partners for 3somes ? Secret cheating and ONS ?

Just curious, no offense !
67. 2007-03-26 17:06  
I been around this gay circle for 10 years and I had encounter all sort of nonsense any relationship can offer.

Seriously, when one party cheat more than 3 times or both venture into open relationship always bring more trouble than a solution.

Therefore, I always believe that we will only become faithful for the right one and with luck, our partner feel the same. If not, just break up and find a new one lar....until u meet the right faithful someone there for u. :)
68. 2007-03-26 17:36  
First and foremost, Congratulation to Johnathan for pickin a good article this time.. seems non complaining so much now.
And for this Article, let me Enlighten you Sluts & Fickles out ther..
Ther's 2 type of Gay, 1 is only look for Relationship and the other is Sex, Sex, Sex.. but.. let me generously inform all of you.. Cheater or Cheated is all based on The First Meet Up" in a first place, why the hell some guys dares to admit They Are Faithful To One Love? so why did these guys appear on Fridae? madness... Just For Friends? Jesus Mother Mary..! When i 1st met newbie from Fridae, and once they knew im a Bisex, thou im not attached, they won't meet me again.. so which means, Its..? And for " justincdiem " dude! Most gay i met, they only want Sex.. if they dont get it.. they try to avoid you, and if you Good Looking, they try to Fished you with something you will SURELY hooked On one damn day.. Trust Me.. Lucky Me.. Money, Fame, Looks is Not my Motives.. Keep Guessing...!!!
Men Are Men! They Will Surely Look for someone else when they cant get that SEX thingy.. that's y my uncle Turns Gay due to His Wife always having "periods". Get the Point dude?
Point is Relationship requires TRUST,UNDERSTANDING & FLEXIBILITY besides LOVE or SEX. If we dont have any of this, Please for Male's Sake.. Don't Be In Love.

69. 2007-03-26 17:44  
One last Comment.. Thou i never really been in a Gay Relationships.. Thrust Me, I Can Tell You Guys Out ther Just Based On Your "Horoscopes" of what they want.. To All Out There, Be Patience dude! Get Cheated Once or Twice Or Thrice, Does Not Mean Will be Cheated Forever! The Day Will Come When All Of Us Will FOund Our Love One'Truly!
Good Luck To All And To Jonathan Too..
70. 2007-03-26 18:09  
i highly agree.......... coz in my own survey the ratio of cheaters is 3 is to 1 its hard to find a monogamous human homo i hope i can find one .................... in my dreams and all i can say guys good luck then..........
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72. 2007-03-26 19:37  
one thing haven't seen in here is ANY mention of HIV and STDs, isn't that enough of a deterrant? ...and bringing that kind of thing into your home and to your partner - who you profess to love... but u endanger him...?

some thinking needed, show some responsibility to your loved one.
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74. 2007-03-26 20:56  
Ok Johnathan, this article is better than the last one. At least I can understand it. But what I cant understand is your choice of subject material given the standpoint of your age and experience, especially in relationships. Its all so subjective. Do you ever run your work past anybody first ? Do you ever ask a mature aged person their opinion ?
You actually are quite witty and clever.But maybe not so sensitive.
Maybe your aim is to write such controversial stuff, given the amount readers and responses. :)
Look forward to reading next weeks article. ( that says it all )
75. 2007-03-26 21:09  
I believe, "A ship must know where to harbor it's Anchor". The rest, don't think too much dude!
76. 2007-03-26 21:11  
Why do gays need LTRs? Is it because the str8s have marriages, we must match something equivalent? Sex is either for procreation or recreation. Gays do not procreate, so sex is only for fun. If sex is no longer fun, why agonize yourself in the relationship? Gay couples (less than 5% in my generous estimate) are still together because they are insecure as individuals or really just friends who become dependent on each other.
77. 2007-03-26 21:51  
How does this chap get paid for writing? What drivel! What balderdash! One should write when there is a story worth telling. After two pieces of human dung, I will eschew anything written by Jonathan Zhang. Alvin Tan, come back
78. 2007-03-26 21:58  
If a gay couple adopts kids & they're promiscuous:

how would this impact their kids?
what would the kids think about their gay parents?
what would the kids' friends think about the gay couple?

Another question, is it possible to stop the spread of Aids & other sexually transmitted diseases in the gay community?
79. 2007-03-26 22:35  
What is interesting, is that dear Jonathon, along with so many young men writing about "life" today, have not even experienced enough life to write about what it is, or should be. At 58, I am still learning, and growing in my knowledge of what is, or better yet, what "might be", as much of what we have learned along the way were just "lies" taught to us by our parents, peers, teachers, and/or governemnts? (Suggest reading "The Four Agreements" if you are into exploring what more there is to the spiritual aspect of life). I just learned a few years ago that my "religious, monogomous, loving, sincere, caring grandparents (who were married right up to when he went in to a nursing home and then passed, with her following fairly quickly), and I believe truly LOVED each other... but that Grandpa was a verbally abusive flirt that may have even had an affair here and there. They just never talked about it, or let it interupt what was the important part of the relationship... companionship, being there for their family, and for their community. Who knows what is right. ONLY YOU... and you need to have all the information you can get in order to make "an opinion". So, wait just a little longer? XOXO
80. 2007-03-26 22:39  
hmm just remind of me a conversion i have when i was in hk with my friend.
there are two kinds of lesbian: one who cheat, one who don't cheated.
lesbian are more to feelings so it is more to cheating on feelings than sex
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82. 2007-03-26 23:03  
Does Fridae really need more crap writing?

PS- Fridae, please find a better English editor. The English grammer mistakes are hurting my brain.
83. 2007-03-26 23:47  
SEX is a privilege you get from the love package you have for your boyfriend..

Sex with just anyone is not sex.. that's just trying to find someone to do the work for you..

To me, being in a relationship for more than 4 years and going strong just makes me a stronger and mature person.. sure, we have our fights as well, but at the end of the day, we are not just most couple honeymooning.. we're already sort of settle down and planning a great future ahead, our own lives together.. With love, sex will come automatically..

I dont deny its bored eating the same noodles everyday, but who ask you to eat everyday? Cant you give a few days in between and when you feel like eating it again, then by all means please do! What's a few days interval going to hurt you? NO!

Think about it.. the reason why so many relationships break is because one is being unfaithful..... thats all..
84. 2007-03-26 23:56  
i don mind eating same dish 4 my entire life if i find it it's my type of dish...

guys r just simply insatiable...
haiz
85. 2007-03-27 00:13  
let me try here to not be a self-righteous prick, right.

flaming homosexuals, or dullard heteros, no one has any excuse to cheat. so what makes us any different in relationships? gay men have more reason to cheat cos we have more exciting lives than heterosexuals? no such thing.

everyone's cheated or has had thoughts about it, but only because it's all in human nature to lust and desire. no, tht doesn't mean we should-- it's to test to see how we can abstain that need for that "extra phallus" as jon would so nicely put it.

it all boils down to humanity and whether or not one can handle breaking a person's heart. oh yeah... and how well one is able to lie.
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89. 2007-03-27 00:39  
Why have all this talk here when you could be holding 3 other men at the same time in BKK?

Sawadeekarp sawadeekarp sawadeekarpppp...

Let's put it this way:
Monogamy is like Santa Claus ....

You believe it because a there's a ho-ho-ho guy who goes down your chimney and stuff your socks full of goodies and make you so deliriously happy that you're 100% sure GOD DHLed him straight to you and you only.

You don't believe it because YOU KNOW you're one of those HOs (streetalk for Whores) who goes down on everyone's chimney and stuff other's socks full of goodies. You have no problem believing that heaven have you on a mission to spread the gift of love to all those boys there, be them naughty or nice.

Ignorant is Bliss...hahahahaha.
90. 2007-03-27 02:42  
Sex is not everything in a relationship!Committments and soul mates is more important,sex is only part of it and how u have it behind close doors :P
91. 2007-03-27 05:18  
I love post#55. Great post Poochai.

For all the people who still live in the fantasy gay dreamland or still believe in gay fairy tales with happily ever after ending, read his post and welcome to the gay reality....Seriously!!!

"Why do gays need LTRs? Is it because the str8s have marriages, we must match something equivalent? Sex is either for procreation or recreation. Gays do not procreate, so sex is only for fun. If sex is no longer fun, why agonize yourself in the relationship? Gay couples (less than 5% in my generous estimate) are still together because they are insecure as individuals or really just friends who become dependent on each other."

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93. 2007-03-27 07:37  
Sex is just 1 component of a long term relationship. It's not the entire package! If you base your relationship on sex only, when the sex is over, your relationship is also over. Are you serious that gay guys in their 30's, 40's, 50's, & 60's are all single & alone? Gimme a break...you're only young & beautiful once so find a bf when you still got it.

*****************************************

Really? When gay guys are in their 50's & 60's, they're still having 1 night stands & whoring around town?
94. 2007-03-27 11:01  
Firstly , guys gay or str8 if when they are expressing their sexual needs are not whores . This is taught to you by your stupid mothers , the bible or starlets like Rianna who sings 'Unfaithful' corrupting the minds and dancefloor of us gay boys . Sexual Monogamy is a str8 world ideal or more specifically a str8 girl's ideal . I am not one so I cannot judge the revelence or appropriateness of it . But I am clear about one thing just because I think a huge think rod to pound my behind often does not make me a fucking 16yo sissy girl that puts wat too much emotions into a purely sexual act . Us gay boys are supposed to fuck around . With our dicks and ass . Okey I'll be a romantist for a while and say yes we shouldn;t fuck around with people's heart . So if you are stupid enough to want somethign so unnatural like the sexual exclusivity with your boyfriend that you are either sending yourself up for a fall or inducing needless pressure in your already fragiule relationship . Trust your partner to sleep around but still ahve you as number one in your heart otherwise you just didn;t have a relationship to begin with . Question yourself of why you feel that monogamy is so so sooooooo important . Truely there are much more essential things in a relationship . You are not a girl you don;t need sexual monogamy to survive to the contrary you really need t osleep around but that doens;t mean you are a whore or that yo ucan;t love someoen enough to sustain a meaningful relationship . Don.t let anyone tell you otherwise . There are 2 types of boyfriends , one who restricts himself and his boyfriend on a harmless pleasurable activity and get cheated on , another who has a liberal and realistic sense of his and his partners need and fulfill both their emotional and sexual needs without limitations . Choose !!!
95. 2007-03-27 11:31  
Hmm...any takers for post@68?
96. 2007-03-27 11:49  
Since Jonathan is only 23, I suppose he can only write as a 23-year-old with his personal experiences and views. Are young gay men not allowed a voice on Fridae? What's the beef with that?

Perhaps it's time for Fridae to invite a geriatric columnist onboard so the views of those "I'm (much) older and thus know better than all you youngsters about what gay life is all about" folks can have their share of voice... I think the email address to send your writing samples to is editor@fridae.com

97. 2007-03-27 12:04  
You are right, AZNYMUSCJOCK, you should just speak for yourself. Only if you can read what you just said, it is sounded so immature. Not all the gay men in long term relationship are insured. They are in the long term relationship because they love each others.
I am a very secured man, and I know what I want and I am not afriad to seek desire. I am very happily involve with a man I love dearly. We are building our life together almost 10 years. We still love each other like the first day we met. It takes tow confident men to make a relationship last. True relationship is not for a cry baby like you. :)

I am not going to lie to you. It takes a lot of hard work to make a gay relationship last. If I tell you our relationship is always rosy red, then I am bullshiting with you. We have up and down in our realtionship. You have to be patient with each other. Respect each other feeling and needs. Give your partner space to grown, and communicate truthfully at all time.

We are in our tenth years realtionship, and we still have many things to learn about each other. Everydays is a new discovery to us.

After I read your command, AZNYMUSCJOCK, I feel very sorry for you, you didn't allow yourself a chance to experience life yet. :( On the other hand, I feel very disappointed with you, becasuse you are the kind of gay men give us the bad name and image. You people in Singapore keep complaining that your society does not respect and treat you equally. Haw could they, you don't even treat yourself respectfully. People, you need to grown up, and stopping being a cry baby, set some standard, and change your whorely image. Show them that gay men in SQ are serious, and are capable of having relationship with each other, of cause I mean same sex realtionship. :)

Well, I said it, and good luck to you all.
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107. 2007-03-27 13:54  
Let me see things from a social perspective. On one hand is a group who strongly believes monogamy is a fairytale to suit their sexual obsession whilst on the other hand the traditional group strongly believes monogamy is achievable through true love in a relationship. Yet there is another moderate group who believes the ideal is still monogamy with occasional falls because "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" .

My concern for those who are obsessed with sex and more sex...."Wont you be very desperate when you grow old and your powertools start to get dysfunctional and you need Viagra, Cialis, Tongkat Ali, etc to sustain your urge?"

It appears to me that gays dont think about the the golden years because gay life is supposed to be short-lived? Nobody wants to talk about growing old with your lover because it is a taboo to be avoided? How can a relationship last if it is based on sex obsession? It is a sad thing in gay life! Or perhaps a curse!

Hmm something just hit my mind....perhaps the bottoms will grow old gracefully because they dont have to use their powerlesstools but glory holes to get more powerfultools?
108. 2007-03-27 14:04  
Hi I am like Zhang too. When I was single I flirted a lot and even slept with so called "married" guys. I hate them. When I had boyfriend we both stayed loyal to each other. We tried to do our best to satisfy each other on bed. We broke up cause he had AIDS. Luckily I used condoms and Ive tested twice and thank GOD im negative. I heard now he flirts a lot,but I am stil loyal till I find me another dream guy. Its not pure love and its a shame if the relationship don't last and the individual flirts on the basis of boring sex. Look at our parents and heterosexual couples, how can they stick together? Its something we should learn ASAP. Its in our hands be creative in bed and to save our relationship. Temptations are all around but its in our hands to decide and with the holy love in ourselves, I bet we could be faithfull. "Not like Rihanna", hehe :p
109. 2007-03-27 14:26  
You are the kind of pathetic jerk that gives the rest of us a tainted image. If you are so selfish, then just screw around and STOP putting people through your self-centered life cycle.
Most likely, you love nothing except what is between your legs!
And, get your facts "straight", sweetheart. You didn't just BECOME gay one day. You have always been gay! If your self-worth is so low, then get some professional help.
I hope the rest of our community is outraged by the public's perception of us as shallow sex monsters who only have dysfunctional relationships.
FRIDAE should be ashamed for promoting this kind of behavior by exposing this idiotic article. People kill themselves everyday because of this kind of disgusting hurt of our fellow man.
If you have emotional or sexually compulsive problems, then go to SAA or SCLA to combat those.
But, don't put the rest of us through your selfish and self-centered cruelty!
110. 2007-03-27 16:17  
To You'all Out There.. STD & AIDS has a CURE.. Don't you guys knew..? You only have to FIND IT! I Found It! God Luck To Those Still Lookin..
111. 2007-03-27 18:15  
Everyone has their own stories and experiences in life. Some may like to share it and some may not. Be it as it is, not everyone has the courage to air it in public.
Some of us out there may think that the article is derogative and reflects badly on the gay community. We must understand that the story above is about an individual's own life experience and thoughts, and it is not indicative of the whole community. We must not be as stereotypical as "the general public". Being gays, we should know that each and everyone of us be us male/female/hetero/homo/bi, is different from the each other. If we all live in a world where there are no differences, the person standing/sitting/lying next to you is the exact replica of yourself. You may enjoy that if only you are that narcissistic.
We have been trying for years to earn acceptance and recognition in this tiny red dot and till todate we have but a few improvements.Why not try a little more acceptance within ourselves and let's all try to be more politically correct until we all live in an optimal society where there is maximum acceptance and understading (which will be either never or in death).
112. 2007-03-27 18:59  
if not gramatically correct, or meaty and life-changing, in-depth, well-researched or mature, at least Jonathan's articles are generating COMMENTS and OPINIONS.
Like assholes, we ALL have opinions.
113. 2007-03-27 22:10  
oo..interesting post :) well, his grammar aint that bad . and not to mention interesting blog too!
114. 2007-03-28 11:49  
Phewwww!!!
There are many ways to Rome, of course there are plentiful queer ways to defend humping around.
Hehehehe
You guys cheaters ... please stand up and be counted!!!
Cheers.
115. 2007-03-30 00:00  
OUCH!
This kinda cute article could cause a fire between us?
Man!
I raise my hand! Once a cheater...or more...who counts?
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117. 2007-03-30 08:39  
To Jonathan Zhang,

.... and you thought that gay life is all about sex?! Grow up dude!!
118. 2007-03-30 10:58  
The post-script to this article says: "Jonathan Zhang has been gay for eight years..." I suggest to Jonathan, and his readers, that he came out 8 years ago, but he's always been gay!
119. 2007-03-30 11:29  
Reading comments on the internet is almost enough to make me quit the gay community and human community, because so many of them are depressingly heartless, destructive, self-destructive, incredibly ignorant, self-absorbed, intolerant, and hatefully judgmental, without ever being rerflective.... Just as TV news is toxic to the human spirit, so are abusive responses to any sensitive attempts to really communicate true feelings and deeper thoughtfulness on the internet. (And I am not talking about Jonathan Zhang.)
120. 2007-03-30 18:16  
both articles may not be put in the most leisurely reading manner... but they do create a refreshing journalistic pace.

arguably even acclaimed writers are often being criticised of their work, what more a blogger.

as a reader myself, i constantly remind myself that 'feedback helps... while abusive remarks don't'

good job jon!
121. 2007-03-30 20:29  
Erotica
Romance
I'd like to put you in a trance
All over

Erotic, erotic, many hands all over your body
All over your body
122. 2007-04-02 12:38  
Once a friend of mine told me he read in an articels that human (men in general) has still retained "it's or his" animal instict. Men are meant to procreate and are not a good candidate for monogamous relationship. Even nowadays, male animal species are breeders, their goal is to breed as many individual as possible. In human world, to avoid crossing with close realtives, gay or lesbian sex would be most ideal way to go, that's why even some straight men and women would prefer gay sex...definitely less string attached.
123. 2007-04-08 17:41  
Good luck and i wish you well.
124. 2007-07-02 04:50  
I think it is common for a relationship to lose 'fire' after 2 years.

I have straight friends who told me that they break up after the 3rd year as they felt they could not communicate anymore. Even sex seems to be dry. So this happens to both world. To some, many gay relationships failed as compared with straight ones, probably due to the small small size of the gay circle as compared to the large large size of straight circle.

Getting married helps. Having an objective in life together as a couple helps (e.g. start a business). Sex only after married help. But all these are not so possible in a gay unfriendly world.

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