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30 Jan 2009

In search of straight-acting gay guys

It's an oft-used descriptor in personal ads but what does it really mean to advertise yourself as a "straight-acting" gay man? Shinen Wong delves into the term's underlying assumptions and bias.

I admit it: Most of the guys that I have been attracted to can be thought of as "straight-acting." At the same time, while I don't have a problem with the set of attributes that people usually demarcate as "straight-acting," I have a problem with the term itself.

Straight-acting men and femme women

It is too simple to assume that the desire to be or the search for straight-acting is the same as liking "masculinity" in gay men or "femininity" in lesbian women; no, they are different issues. For one, the term "straight-acting" is used more by gay men than by lesbian women. Superficially, the lesbian equivalent is the "femme." "Femme," first of all, comes from the French word femme, which simply means "woman." In lesbian culture, it has taken on the connotation of "feminine lesbian." Stereotypically, femme and butch go together. But straight-acting men go with who exactly? Straight-acting gay men are not the gay male equivalent of femme lesbians.

Precisely the issue!

The straight-acting guy does not "go with" anyone! He is entirely self-composed, individualistic. He is not defined either in opposition to or even mutually with "gay-acting" guys in the way that "butch" and "femme" are mutually defining and stereotypically coupled together. He is defined by something else but what exactly?

Sometimes butches and femmes are accused of "mimicking" heterosexual gender norms and values (with the butch playing the "man" and the femme playing the "woman"). However, many butch and femme women retort: How presumptuous to assume that butch and femmes are "imitating" straight people! As if butch/femme are not expressions of gender and sexuality in their own right! Butch/femme are no imitation, certainly not necessarily of the values of straight men and women; Imitation of straight people? Pfft!

On the other hand, there is pride behind being a straight-acting man, pride behind its precisely imitative quality. It is straight-acting. It is an imitation, an act to mimic straights. It therefore, does not only or even primarily mean "masculine." It means acting heterosexual. "Straight-acting" comes embedded within its meaning a whole host of other connotations of which masculinity may be but one. Our desire to be straight-acting may be related not just to our valorisation of masculinity, but also a rejection of femininity, as well as coming from an implicit internalised homophobia. How often have we seen the term "gay-acting" used with pride?

Historically, gay men have not really seen ourselves fit to eroticise each other. The concept of a gay "culture" would have been elusive and absurd for many of us, growing up in eras, countries, or locales far removed from a connection to others "like us." Other openly gay men may have been seen as competition for a straight man's attention, rather than as potential partners. The men we might come to love would usually be heterosexual men whom we knew could never love us in return, and our entire sexuality may have been wrapped up and suffused with a sexuality of distance, charged with the eroticism of absence, unattainability, and sometimes, the threat of violence. Our orgasm was conditioned by our learning to eroticise this experience of disconnection.

Not that the situation for lesbians has been too different. However, there is a principle difference, which is that lesbianism seems to have been conditioned in part by a camaraderie and friendship with other women (gay and straight) that has not principally or exclusively been sexual in nature! Lesbianism and feminism found a home in each others arms from the very beginning. Much expression of lesbian sexuality has resulted in as much an assertion against heterosexual norms as an assertion of independent womanhood, which challenges the order of male power that has typically put women "in their place," (in a position of what lesbian feminist writer Adrienne Rich describes as "compulsory heterosexuality," tied to the erotic whims of men).

So straight-acting gay men are not the gay male equivalent of femme lesbians. No. They are something else entirely. The glory of an emerging visible gay culture, both locally and globally, is in how this showcases and highlights our ability to love each other, and not just define our desire by insatiability, insubstantiality, and pathology. In other words, as a gay man, I can love other gay men, and I can learn to snap out of a pattern of falling in love only straight men. However, there is still a lingering melancholy in our gay community regarding our own homosexuality. Perhaps the next best thing to loving a straight man would be loving a straight-acting man? At least this way, we might be loved in return

More compassionately, perhaps this may be a survival mechanism for us in a world that continues to be hostile to gay expression. At the same time, I am uncomfortable with how lusting after "straight-acting," at the same time disproportionately rewarding straight men for playing gay roles, such as Sean Penn in Milk, and Jake Gyllenhaal and the late Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain (no matter how splendid their performances!) may be complicit in maintaining this very hostility toward gays.

Convert, Pass, Cover
In 2006, Kenji Yoshino, a gay Japanese American civil rights lawyer and legal writer published Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights, in which he methodically dissects the way society has treated racial and sexual "otherness" in the course of American history.

Regarding gay civil rights in America, Yoshino suggests that our first struggle was to combat the pressure to convert. In other words:

Gay = Bad/Wrong.
If I am gay, I am bad/wrong.
Hence I must not be gay at all, either in practice or identity.
I should convert to be straight.

This tremendously awful pressure has led to many terrible "therapies" and "treatments" for gay people, ranging from the comparatively tamer psychotherapies (ex: counselling) to electroshock convulsions and lobotomies, to mandatory castration of gay men, in an attempt to "cure" us of our homosexuality.

When that proved to be pointless, and when many of those therapies (in America) had been outlawed, our next struggle was to address the pressure to pass. This means that we may recognise that some core aspect of our identities is fundamentally unchangeable (or not convertible), and we hence experience the pressure instead to "pass," to never be found out, to live our lives in secrecy, and to convince people that we are straight.

I suspect that many of us, especially in gay Asia, are still in that experience of our sexual identities. Many of us may be out to our friends, but not our families or our workplaces. Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man elected to public office in the USA, on whom the recent film Milk is based, famously said, "If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door." Those words can be interpreted as Milk's desire to overcome the pressure to pass, and come out from hiding the reality of who we are. After all, it is only in our visibility that we provide a first step for people understanding the reality of our humanity. However, as Kenji Yoshino demonstrates, even if we did that, there is one more pressure: The pressure to cover.

Yoshino defines covering: "Covering" is a term used to describe "the way we try to 'tone down' stigmatised identities, even when those identities are known to the world." To cover means that we work around the assumption that people may accept and maybe even embrace that we are gay, but these very same people may be uncomfortable when we do gay. For example: Even if our family, friends, or workplace know that we are out of the closet, and are comfortable with that level of disclosure, they may be uncomfortable if we want to bring our partner(s) to a work party, or a family celebration, or if we want to get married or hold hands in the shopping centre. Basically, we can be gay, but we should not act gay, or even publically associate with other gay people!

The pressure to convert, the pressure to pass, and the pressure to cover. Yoshino has given us a good vocabulary to examine where we are at in the phenomenon of living out our otherwise marginal identities in the world. Of course, these pressures do not necessarily exist in a linear or progressive fashion, and any one of these pressures can be present in different places at different times, or even alongside each other. Many of us struggle inside ourselves to negotiate between the pressure to convert ("I hate myself, I don't want to be gay") and the pressure to pass ("ok, so I am gay, but I don't want anyone to know").

The phenomenon of the term "straight-acting" arises in response to the pressure to cover ("ok, so I am gay, and you know, but I'm not like other gay people").

I do not have a problem with the attraction to straight-acting people or for that matter, attraction either principally or exclusively to any type of person (whatever race, gender, height, weight, etc.) I am neither that boring nor that judgemental, and ultimately, it would be such a pointless conversation, since I have neither the desire nor the power to alter our attraction to others. I am more concerned with uncovering how our desires may be conditioned partially by the pressure to cover the more socially dubious aspects of our lives, such as our lust for sex or our need to be publically affectionate, so that we can pass as "normal." To put it most simply, I may be comfortable being attracted to straight-acting guys, but I am not likely to be too impressed with guys who call themselves "straight-acting." Hypocrisy?

There are no easy solutions at the moment. All I need to know, is that when it comes down to it, no matter how "straight-acting" you are, and no matter how "straight-acting" you call yourself, when the lights are out and our lips quiver to meet, we better both start acting really gay.

Malaysia-born and Singapore-bred Shinen Wong is currently getting settled in Sydney, Australia after moving from the United States, having attended college in Hanover, New Hampshire, and working in San Francisco for a year after. In his fortnightly "Been Queer. Done That" column, Wong will explore gender, sexuality, and queer cultures based on personal anecdotes, sweeping generalisations and his incomprehensible libido.

讀者回應

1. 2009-01-30 18:59  
I'm not straight, why should I act straight? :o)
2. 2009-01-30 19:38  
I likethis article. He dosnt say its a simple matter for a start which I like. I think the main issues with the straight acting term is on dating scenes.
I think that maybe the desire for (or to be) straight acting is really because the person is afraid of or disslikes gay men who are superficcial, loud and can be described as drama queens. Hence the phrases "Im sorry, I just dont like sissy boys" - aka "camp guys".
I also believe that if you are one to frequently and implicitly say that you are "straight acting" then there is a large chance that that person is an act - be it in a range of possible different ways.

I have never had to say on my profile I am actualy attracted to guys who arnt as camp and found that the guys not going around screaming how straight acting they are, are the more seem more "straight"...

The term dosnt sit well with me either :)
3. 2009-01-30 19:42  
The term 'straight-acting' in the gay vocabulary is as ridiculous as asking an heterosexual to act 'masculine' i.e the gender or the sexual preference is not in question, the physical behaviour is. The fear of walking with a guy who walks like Mrs John Wayne rather than John Wayne denotes the fear of being associated with a gay person therefore being seeing equally as 'non-straight' by others...the worst form of closeted guys found unfortunately by the thousands.
All these 'straight-acting' guys may have a dick but they have not balls...
JPS
4. 2009-01-30 20:28  
Just one (hyphenated) word: self-acceptance.
5. 2009-01-30 21:00  
so we should no longer use the word straight acting and use masculine instead :)
6. 2009-01-30 21:50  
Hmm, I don't need to act straight because I already behave straight naturally. Although I'm gay, behaving gay (what does that mean anyway?) would not be a genuine expression of my self.

I think we should just leave labels aside and let things evolve on their own. Afterall, some hetero women prefer sensitive guys and some hetero men prefer strong women.
7. 2009-01-30 22:23  
It's just another label - get over it. Masculine isn't the same as straight acting any more than effeminate men are necessarily gay - they can also be straight. (just as there are plenty of masculine gay guys around that you can instantly recognise as being gay): it simply means "perceived as straight" by straight, gay & bi- persons alike (and no, it's not an act either). Straight acting also implies that the individual is not out (or not out to many). If you don't like the term, it's YOUR problem, not the people who use it. And as a "straight acting" man I get just as annoyed with "gay acting" (ie camp queens" telling me how I should "act" (as if they were born that way? LOL - very rarely... so who's "acting"? And just for the record, ignorant hetero's invented the gay stereotype (ie camp queeny sissy boys) so why would I want to "act" like their version of what a gay person should act like? Just be happy with your own self-label and let others be happy with theirs, after all, is it hurting you? :)
8. 2009-01-30 23:10  
Instead of "straight-acting", "masculine" or "femme", I propose using "boyish", "manly" and "fatherly" for males, and "girlish", "womanly" and "motherly" for females.
These categories correspond to the three ego states, as defined in Transactional Analysis, of Child, Adult and Parent.
There may be displayed at different times even in the same individual and each may be strikingly different when perceived by an observer.
9. 2009-01-30 23:51  

Much have been debated ,,

But is Label necessary ?

10. 2009-01-31 00:37  
I don't like the way these comment are going.
Why should we use the word masculine (Gaskay)? In place of straight acting? What is straight acting? Why as a community are we obsessed with labeling ourselves to seek a sense of belonging?
I am what I am (I love Gloria Gaynor).
I am gay and l am sexually attracted to men. My mannerisms just happen to be similar to men who are not gay. Why is it considered wrong to say you are 'straight' acting? When you don't have a limp wrist and ponce around? My last sentence alone implied the typical stereotype of gay men... Someone please tell me what is 'straight' and what is 'Gay'!?
Live Life.... CHOOSE LIFE! Stop wasting energy over these mindless issues.
11. 2009-01-31 01:10  
I humbly concur with 'shocked' (post 1): I am not straight, so why shld I act straight?

12. 2009-01-31 01:42  
I just have to say, If anyone asks me If I'm straight acting. My reply " I'm not an actor". I never understood any of this lable stuff. I'm me, and happen to be gay.
13. 2009-01-31 02:40  
Everyone thinks I'm rigidly Straight-acting.

After all, I have a sour face (and sourer words, often); a geography-teacher-style bad very uncool haircut; mostly black/grey clothes; read a rigidly Leftwing newspaper; want to talk about politics or current affairs or the economy or other 'serious' topics; sit in a corner of gay bars with my back to the room, ignoring Everyone - and get doors held open for me by bouncers, who say: "Good evening, sir."

Hmm. Maybe I'm not 'Straight acting' - maybe I just look OLD lately?!

But, yes, if you wanted to pick out what 'SA' is, I'm probably one of the very visible definitions of the term. I can certainly pick out several friends/guys I know who'd much more easily fit a definition of what a 'gay' is, or looks like. And let me tell you, it ain't that of a grumpy-looking mid-thirties man...
14. 2009-01-31 02:45  
Oh, and I'm sometimes stopped at the door of gay bars (on any rare occasion I bother to segregate myself into a gay ghetto that way), with polite: "Excuse me sir, do you know what kind of place this is?" or "You may be happier somewhere else."

AKA: Piss off, Straightski!

Maybe the term shouldn't be Straight ACTING, but, rather Straight APPEARING? Oh well... I know very well who and what I am... and how my heart works... as well as any other parts... :-P
15. 2009-01-31 02:52  
All I know is that I am me. I don't have to act GAY or act STRAIGHT for anyone!!
16. 2009-01-31 03:30  
if we expect society as a whole to accept diversity and our gay lifestyle, we could set an example here by embracing our own "straight acting" subculture, whether we agree with it personally or not.

that said, i don't go for straight acting guys myself for the much stated reason that i'd like my partner to be himself and not "acting". it does imply a certain amount of discomfort with the own sexual identity. i find discomfort rather unattractive.
17. 2009-01-31 03:43  
The truth is, we are all pressured to act straight just to be attractive.

But isnt it admirable when a gay man wouldn't give in to such pressures? Being able to act naturally and to express your sexuality can be very sexy.

So open up your mind guys! Some gay men can rise above such pettiness and it's these sort of blokes that deserve attention.
18. 2009-01-31 05:22  
Straight-acting is so gay!
19. 2009-01-31 07:01  
I may as well be talking to myself: for those who still have a problem with the term, try substituting the word "acting" with "mannerisms" or "behaviour" - acting in this context is not meant to be taken literally.. duh!. (... and who cares... ;-/ )..
20. 2009-01-31 10:52  
Well, straight-acting dun mean they look masculine. Just mean they dress and look as sloppy as a straight man. ;p

Just like how many of my metrosexual straight friends are often mistook as gays cos they dresses too well. But they are very manly too. :)
21. 2009-01-31 11:40  
While I respect your view in expressing yourself explicitly, call it what you may or whatever terminologies. You don't what to be judged in whatever labels you may be in. Likewise, aren't the writer too 'attempting' to judge the other so called 'straight-acting'.

In such a short time, we already have all sort of labels for people of non heterosexually orientation. Certainly, more labels or names will be 'invented' in the near future. So, who are we to place a value judgment to these new terms. Aren't the writer a hypocrite too in insisting his view as almost absolute.
22. 2009-01-31 11:47  
I see straight acting gay men as different from femme lesbian women. They're more similar to the straight acting lesbian women who get boyfriends / husbands as a "cover up" and still prowl around Fridae and other GLBT arenas. Causing a lot of hurt by still dating women while they're "officially committed" to their heterosexual partner. Like Ennis and Jack in Brokeback still seeing each other after both marrying women.

What defines what a typical man would / should be? It doesn't mean that only straight guys can be masculine.
23. 2009-01-31 12:33  
hmm, i hate the word straight acting if it were an act, when by our very nature we like all things straight and guy like. . . we like being men and guys regardless of our sexuality-- nothing finer than a good day of wood chopping, riding the horses, playing sports, smoking cigars, drinking beer and playing rugby, so get over it. Gay culture is too feminine and pink for me. Nothing in common with it sometimes beyond having sex. Culturally I just like being a hot guy and into guy stuff and most my friends are straight. I fall asleep at circuit parties and once my BF asked me to go to dinner with some make up artists and hair dressers-- nothing in common with those folks. Real men want to acheive more in life-- we want to be the pilots instead of the flight attendants, we want to build buildings, we want schools named after us, we want to hunt, golf, fish, travel and change the world. This is our nature, not some acting straight. Men should be men regardless of our sexuality.
回應#24於被作者刪除。
25. 2009-01-31 13:57  
"The pressure to convert, the pressure to pass, and the pressure to cover."

Very helpful terms to mark out the levels of "outness"~
26. 2009-01-31 14:12  
but the thing is, in my experience, a lot of gay guys out there are looking for "straight-acting" gay guys. "softies" like me more often than not would be downright rejected. can this be classified as a form of discrimination?
27. 2009-01-31 15:00  
Actually, if we all be honest with ourselves, the very term 'straight-acting' is elitist. It's like hey,
u-know-i-am-very normal , not like the typical sissy/clown or ugly bulldyke/butch (for lesbians) kinda attitude ....even considered 'hot' enuf for the opposite sex. Then again, those are the very people most of us admittedly find attractive (I'm guilty of this myself). Perhaps it's something that's deeply ingrained in the psyche, nature or nurture- though I suspect it's strongly due to the latter, living in a heteronomative world. But one will realize that as we go along, these so-called 'manly/masculine' or 'womanly/feminine' are very superfical concepts which almost always defines the way we look, the behavior secondary.
I knew it...from sore experience :(
28. 2009-01-31 15:36  
It's all just a label anyway... a convenient tag with which to label ourselves, or be neatly classed by others. 'Straight Acting'. Hmmm. Am I really such a thing? Or am I, quite simply, just being myself?

After all, I'm not deliberately or unsubconsciously falling into a conventional role that's accepted as one of the main categories that a 'normal' (ie heterosexual) man appears under in society, but, quite simply, I look, move, talk and appear as the way that seems the most inherently natural to me. This is who I am, whether I or others like or or not, and to be (or try to be) anyone or anything else - well, it just wouldn't feel right.

I'm neither 'straight acting' or 'heterosexual mimicing' - I'm not even sure that you could say I'm trying to be or appear like a man 'is'. I'm just myself; singular, alone, independent; pursuing my own path in life, regardless of the culture I live in, or the gender roles expected of me within it.

Gay culture wishes to neatly label, categorise, identify - and also carry some prejudice - just as much as as the mainstream heterosexual one...
29. 2009-01-31 16:16  
Once again, this author picks a complex topic, and then reaches for abstractions rather than experience, making a showy display of penmanship rather than casting any new light on the subject.

Yes, straight-acting men are victims of heteronormativity. But they also use it, knowingly, seeking to elevate themselves in the gender hierarchy above camp men. Rather than covering, they know they are not normal but they're making a discursive play for heterosexual male privilege nonetheless.

That's Michael Warner's point in The Trouble With Normal, the landmark text in which he conceptualised heteronormativity, and it simply boggles the mind that an author writing as "Queer" could have failed to consider this perspective.
30. 2009-01-31 17:32  
"Straight-acting" gay men, "gay acting" straight men, it's all so confusing. Forget the "acting", be what you are. If you have "act" then it ain't for real and if it isn't for real, then it isn't you. As for the writer, get to the point, you tired me out with this article. Yawnnnn..... ho hum.... time for a nap...... and it won't be an "act" zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
31. 2009-01-31 19:25  
honestly, we have other things to worry about in our lives other than labels.
32. 2009-01-31 20:20  
"heteronormativity"! Wow! Impressive! How long have you been waiting to use THAT in a sentence/conversation, eh?! ;-)

Good word... but if one of 'my' journalists tried slotting that into their copy, I'd replace it...
33. 2009-02-01 00:25  
back to basic...use only "homosexual" and "heterosexual" which only these terms are valid scientifically and properly :)
34. 2009-02-01 08:19  
I am (not really) looking forward to the upcoming column highlighting the evil connotations of the term "straight".

Asians beware - there is way too much American-style touchy-feeliness and psychologizing these days.
35. 2009-02-01 08:41  
i think as a person living in a group (community, society, nation) there's always the want and need to belong; to fit in and not get singled out. what s the feeling we get when we do? fear.

as individualistic as we may be, how unique can that be? everyone is doing it.

i'm reminded of this famous and passe line: "to be or not to be, that is the question." (sorry if i misquoted.) so to feel belong, we act accordingly; however that may be.
回應#36於被作者刪除。
37. 2009-02-01 12:45  
hey right an article about gay men and their relationship with their Fathers

or one on gay Dads with cool capable toddlers would be nice

38. 2009-02-01 13:47  
I agree with laoshiyan. On top of that, why even write about notions that perpetuate labels and stereotypes to underscore the politics of difference. Isn't this the very idea that we are struggling to eradicate? Keep personal labels simple. The terms "straight" and "gay" are mere words that need no poststructuralist analysis nor simplistic generalizations.
39. 2009-02-01 14:21  
straight-acting hmmmm and how do straights act. a hetrosexual friend of mine acts camp as hell
回應#40於被作者刪除。
回應#41於被作者刪除。
42. 2009-02-01 15:30  
Aiyoh my hairy god mother teresa tang lai kuan yim ma! Hot topic! Hot topic!
Lala is also 'straight-acting', acting as straight woman! I am a gay man in drag! So can call me 'straight acting gay man' also mah! Kakaka...
I consider myself more butch and masculine than many of the straight acting men, sorry but that is the truth for some of you who have seen me in actions. And you know you cannot call me gay-acting or sissy, it simply does not match Lala's character! So what am I?!! Confuse leh. LOL
Ala... brather! Whether I'm a drama drag queen or you a straight acting, we all sama same acting but in different costume only lah!
Important is we must have 'balls'. If you no hep, can borrow from Lala big 'balls' ;-)
43. 2009-02-01 15:59  
In respond to Post #23 :

hmm, by Lala's very nature Lala also likes all things straight and guy like. . .

...nothing finer than a good day of wood chopping, riding the horses, playing sports, smoking cigars, drinking beer and playing rugby, so get over it, lagunabro! Women and women-at-heart can do the same!

Lala also falls asleep at circuit parties...

Real and fake women also want to acheive more in life-- we want to be the pilots instead of the flight attendants, we want to build buildings, we want schools named after us, we want to hunt, golf, fish, travel and change the world.

Who says this is only men's nature?

"Men should be men regardless of our sexuality" Yeah rite, make sure you keep your legs up in high when Lala top you!
44. 2009-02-01 17:21  
Shinen, look up the words "verbose" and "waffle" - less is more ;-b
45. 2009-02-02 03:06  
I think the Ultimate Keyword to everyone....is to be themselves. I might think i am "Str8 Acting" than you do but other may still think i am campy for their taste. So what is that problem here? I think those who used that kinda term and labelling have issues with their own sexuality.

I think when I come across a profile like that, It just make me really confused with this person...trust me, I will wonder if there is a barometer on how "Str8" looking i am to meet his judgement ...that kinda person should not even be in my consideration, so next please. Trust me, when things don't work out, you might just blame yourself for being not "Str8 enough" for your gay lover. And is not worth it!

Ultimately we are all men Str8 or Gay!
46. 2009-02-02 05:30  
so if "straight-acting" is not politically correct, is "non-effeminate" permissible?

;-)
47. 2009-02-02 09:10  
lol, what does individualism have to do with "straight" looks?

Butch guys can be just as comformist as more effeminate people

I am a so-called straight looking guy, and I dont usually like butch guys. Most of the times I prefer gay-looking guys, and always individualists!
48. 2009-02-02 12:22  
Str8-acting looking for other Str8-acting... you MUST be str8-acting or I will delete your hearts and messages without reading them.

Also, please only send str8-acting messages and send str8-acting hearts!!! Have some str8-acting pics on your profile as well. I'm definitely str8-acting and only looking for other str8-acting!!! And by the way, did I mention that I am VERY str8-acting??!! I am. Str8-acting.
49. 2009-02-02 12:42  
Oh wow, I guess those who want to read about "heteronormativity" should go read Judith Butler and whatever is on Gender/Queer studies booklists these days; and those who have no interest at all in discussing gender/sexuality/gay issues can proceed directly to fridae.com/personals

50. 2009-02-02 12:55  
wow...this article missed the mark and the first three paragraphs gave me a super-duper headache. But the diversity of comments and opinions below, for me, saved the day. Mr. Wong: keep writing...not even the best of the best hit the proverbial grand-slam- home-run everytime they get up to bat. Unfortunately, we're all limited by our languages, by our vocabularies, by our own personal and cultural experiences and our concepts of self. Though not yet perfect, the use of labels and branding does make communication somewhat easier and a little more stream-lined...so as our "gay culture" evolves, as our languages converge, and until we get better at expressing ourselves, why can't be be content with the standard labels, "str8", "femme", "butch", "sissy" ...and not obsess and overanalyze?
51. 2009-02-02 14:37  
Good points caesar, but what does it mean to obsess and overanalyse? When does one become obsessive and thinking become overanalysing? Aren't commentaries about (over)analysing one topic and related ideas?

I guess those who aren't interested to apply a little grey matter to what they read should just move on to another article or perezhilton.com
52. 2009-02-02 14:43  
Now that it's out there, I think when anyone who has read this column sees 'straight-acting' as a descriptor in a personal ad would have something to think about, or better yet, ask the person exactly what he means by being 'straight-acting'...
回應#53於被作者刪除。
54. 2009-02-02 19:55  
I must admit I have not read every article written by Shinen Wong but the few I've read I must say he sounds very much like some frustrated persecuted gay who has an axe to grind! Poor thing, you need to grow up and get it off your system, it's not healthy! What bores me most of all is his amateur psychoanalysis which is so superficial that it's unbelievable.
55. 2009-02-02 20:50  
uh oh... things are getting a wee bit vicious around here and, even worse, humourless... way too straight.... so c'mon guys, let's be gay and witty and charming when we attack poor shinen... personally, i don't think he deserves the harsh treatment... maybe he's a little too earnest at times but at least he always succeeds in provoking thought and discussion... so bravo to you, shinen
56. 2009-02-03 00:57  
Yes I agree - the debate below is more stimulating than this article.

I am straight acting but by that I just mean that I do not fit into the stereotypes, nor am I camp. And that is what I look for in guys - masculinity, coz that is what attracts me. But that does not mean that I do not like camp guys, they are just not my type, no big deal and no discrimination, other taste which I don't have that much control over, it's the way I am programmed, just part of gay old me :)
57. 2009-02-03 02:59  
So, my boyfriend and I play golf, eat out, have a super clean home, take long drives down the Korean coast, ski, and rarely shop off-line...does that make us straight-acting?

Hmm, he is a salary man for a multinational corporation and I am a foreign government worker.

Sounds pretty boring huh? But put us together, we look as straight as it gets although we do not attempt that hallucination ever.

Point being, most young straight men in our population look gayer than we do (NE Asia).
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59. 2009-02-03 11:41  
laoshiyan:
Just for you, shinen might write about those who advertise for "Hot Asian btms... but NO sissy boys" in their profiles in his next column!

But then again, you DON'T have to read it if you think he's preaching to the choir..
60. 2009-02-03 11:47  
Comfortable with the attraction but not with the act? LMAO
61. 2009-02-03 11:53  
When will US universities abandon this kind of post-structural nonsense?
62. 2009-02-03 13:04  
What's the problem with 'straight acting'? How wordy and beating about the bush. Say what you mean and mean what you say! What a lot of hoo-haa about nothing. Are we writing a book, or is it supposed to be an article?

'Straight acting' is just a coined phrase denoting that one can't ascertain a guy to be gay purely by just looking at him by the way he acts. In other words, he has no feminine actions, visa vie, limp wrist, swaying hips when walking, and so on. It's a coined phrase, nothing more. Stop reading bias into everything people say. We live in a land where people beat about the bush, and can't get to the point. Why make life more complicated than it actually is. You're acting like someone's been called bitch, fagot, or bum.

One other thing, when posting, please use a spell check, using words that actually exist. 'Unattainability' is just not a word in the English language. And when using famous people's names, get the spelling right. Who's 'Gyllenhaal'?? And as far as hyphenating words, we just don't do it anymore. Terms like straight acting, on line, ill gotten, etc., are just not hyphenated anymore. It's a living language, so things change. Hence the acceptance of alternative spelling for various words like colour/color, economise/economize, etc.

Over-and-out.....err.....or is it over and out?
63. 2009-02-03 13:10  
So we need to use hyphens after all, since narrow minded Friday deems it necessary to 'star' out the word b-i-t-c-h, when in actual fact it's an acceptable word. Look it up in the Oxford dictionary. It's the female version of a dog. Or will dog now appear as *** like ***** ?
64. 2009-02-03 15:37  
I agree with Pheramones post #54 totally in respect of Shinen Wong's writings and how they provoke much debate.
'Love' his writings, or 'love to hate' his writings you guys have to admit you secretly enjoy reading them, and relish how it stimulates you to react. ( positively or negatively) And isnt that what this forum is about ? You dont have to agree, everybody has free licence to comment. I havent seen so many postings on articles in this forum since Mr.Wong has been contributing.

Hitting the target audience/spot I'd say.

65. 2009-02-03 17:02  
Straight 'acting' - why doesn't everyone just STOP acting, and be themselves?? There's far more worth in that, than postulating about whether words and phrases are appropriate or not. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Instead of hiding and pretending, be yourselves, be straight be gay, but for goodness sake, stop hiding!! If there's one thing I have notices here in Asia, it's that gays here still whinge and whine about governments, people, and whoever else not accepting their homosexuality. Whine in actual fact it's this beating about the bush, pretending to be straight when one's gay, it's this which makes life more complicated that it is. If all gay's would desist from all this idiotic pretence, said governments and people would realise how many of there really are. Stonewall from the 60's just doesn't seem to have made any difference at all. Have we learned nothing in the over the past 40 years ?? Stop being wimps, complaining, whinging and whining, and take a page from the transvestites' book. BE WHO YOU ARE !!
66. 2009-02-03 22:18  
long winded, tedious psuedo intellectualism, really 'straight acting' is just an unfortunate term used by some to signify they consider them selves as masculine as their straight brothers, why read more into it, it's absurd to complain about 'straight acting' when so many of those wailing on about it often term them selves 'queer' errr the not so distinguished queer = Faggot = Pansy (idiots) how many men were brutalised and murdered having "queer" spat at them I probably think it's better to identify as 'straight acting' than as a 'queer' it doesn't honour our dead to do so, yeah I heard the stories by the queering lobby they have now appropriated the word 'queer' and reinvented it, are they gonna do it to Faggot too? should blacks term them selves 'Nigga's' or woman 'cunts' or Asians as 'gooks' by the same reasoning? it's just plain ridiculous
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68. 2009-02-04 00:02  
re Zactooh #60, 61, & 63. Sometimes pretences are necessary. While honesty is usually the best policy, I certainly wouldn't recommend it for gays in Iran. There and in lots and lots of other countries, acting straight is a survival strategy. A matter, literally, of life or death.... Acting "gay" can be just as much of a pretence and in some ways a measure of liberation. Paradoxically the cage-aux-folles type of fairy flourishes in Alabama but not in New York or San Francisco.... And why oh why are there 1000 times more drag queens in manila than paris? It's almost as if the only way for gay guys to be authentic homosexuals in repressed cultures is to be defiantly effeminate.
re post #60. Speaking of authenticity, "we" do use hyphens in compound adjectives (i.e. straight-acting singaporeans are foolish fairies) but not for compound nouns (i.e straight acting passes for masculinity). It's just a way to avoid unnecessary confusion. 3 3 room flats vs 3 3-room flats. got it?...We also spell f-a-g-g-o-t with two g's when referring to homosexuals... And we do know that "unattainability" is an acceptable and used word in the English language...And we even write '60s instead of 60's... Damn, we do love being instructive! :)
69. 2009-02-04 07:36  
An overly long dissertation to address what is, in my mind, a very simple fact.

Yes... I agree that "straight acting" is not the most desirable or appropriate term, but SOMEWHERE in the past the term started common use (and maybe originally for some of the reasons outlined...), and its use now continues today simply by habit.

As a gay male who strongly prefers "straight acting" gay men, my preference is NOT because I have a fantasy about real "straight men". (YUK...!!!) My use of this inappropriate term is simply to indicate that I get TOTALLY turned OFF by the stereotypical effeminite gay man.

Maybe we should devise a more appropriate term that simply indicates "I am not interested in effeminite gay men". Simple! Long dissertation not required.
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71. 2009-02-04 19:02  
well written - good insights. .i quite like the straight guy that is gay acting..
72. 2009-02-04 22:59  
I AM NOT STRAIGHT ACTING, I AM NOT ACTING AT ALL. JUST ME AND THAT MEANS A MAN.I DONT LIKE THE TERM "STREIGHT ACTING" IT'S OFFENSIVE ANS SHOULD BE TO OTHER GAY MEN TOO.
WHILE THINKING ABOUT IT, MOST ASIAN MEN THAT I HAVE MET ARE NOT COVERED UNDER THAT HEDDING EITHER. UNLESS YOU PUT BEHIND THE "STREIGHT ASIAN ACTING" NOW DON'T JUMP TO THE DEFENSE, I LOVE ASIAN MEN JUST MAKING AN OBESERVATION
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74. 2009-02-05 03:42  
Wow, I am amazed after reading that article. I feel said for anyone that feels this article covers them. While I don't disagree with the article, I don't feel it applies to all people. This may be more pronounced in some cultures more than others and I can see this being the case in some Asian countries, after living there. Although I grew up in Ireland, which was strictly catholic, I don't feel like I ever had to act. There has been occasions and still are that I do not state my sexuality, but this is also the same for my heterosexual colleagues. I work in an multi national organisation, with some colleagues that their country kills, imprisons etc homosexuals and it would possibly create difficulties for them. This is not the reason why I do not state it, as this is my professional environment and my sexual orientation as well as religion, nationality etc is not important to my work. What is important to my work is my values and I am very vocal on human rights not only for gay people.

I would consider myself a masculine man, but I am also comfortable with any perceive effeminate traits. Believe or not but Straight Guys have these too. So long as you are comfortable with your identity you neither have to promote it or hide, although you may have to be willing to vocalise it to stand up for your rights or to demand them. There will always be stereotypes, but if that is naturally you, cool, if not cool. Just be comfortable with who you are.
75. 2009-02-05 06:41  
way too many emphases used in your article to obscure your true point, shinen?
76. 2009-02-05 18:57  
I'm not sure I am what you might consider 'straight-acting'. I just am me. I have never use that word to describe myself. It just so happens that people do not presume I am gay when they meet me. But if they do ask (and I care about them), I will tell them I am.I don't think I am effeminate, and if I was it would not worry me. But my behaviour and appearance is just innate, it's me; its not because, as you presume, because I hate being gay or fear social ostracism. So I wish you would not load more guilt and social opprobrium on gay men.

And yet, when the lights are out (and sometimes when they are on), and my lips are a-quiver, I don't have to act gay, I just am.
77. 2009-02-05 19:26  
well written article. howver, it is indeed problematic if we are faced with gay men who would argue that "hey! its my personal preference." its quite sad that we put parameters, eg. gender identity of a person, that hinder us from fully exploring the other person's being.

78. 2009-02-05 20:59  
A gay man may dress the same way and do the same things as his straight friend, but that does not have to mean that he is 'acting'. He may just happen to like to dress that way and to do those things.

Also, one would need to define what is 'straight' looking and 'gay' looking if you want to say that a person is 'acting straight'.

Let everyone define what they want to define themselves as.
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80. 2009-02-06 16:43  
Post #65 pheramones says (Posted : 04 February 2009 0:02) :

"Paradoxically the cage-aux-folles type of fairy flourishes in Alabama but not in New York or San Francisco.... And why oh why are there 1000 times more drag queens in manila than paris? It's almost as if the only way for gay guys to be authentic homosexuals in repressed cultures is to be defiantly effeminate."

Yep, now that you mentioned it it finally just occured to me...the gays & lesbian scene in paris is VERY different from the ones we have in indonesia or even singapore....here, it's almost always like, butch-femme binary all the time...kinda boring :(
81. 2009-02-07 10:17  
Life is happiest when it is simple. All this complicated psycho-babble takes out the fun in living :-)! I have had crushes on guys ever since I can remember but there was never a thought in my mind then as to whether the object of my affection was "straight-acting" or otherwise. He was just an attractive MALE who gave me a hard-on every time I looked at him :-)! And, I enjoyed having the hard-ons ... in fact, I still do :-)! Moral of the story : forget all this psycho-babble shit and self-analysis, etc. Just enjoy life and the cock nature endowed you with while you still can :-) !
82. 2009-02-07 13:05  
All these terms are just too complicated. Just be what you want to be, your most comfortable "self".
83. 2009-02-07 19:51  
lets just take care of our own! :-) they may come in different shapes and form...whose got the rule book of homosexuality anyway???? help! LOL
happy valentines! :-)
84. 2009-02-08 16:15  
This is a well written piece of dissertation on the homophobic connotation of the term "straight acting". I really don't like that term either, why should we be acting "straight" when we are naturally masculine?

I think we should use the term "manly/athletic/masculine" to describe the physical appearance that one prefers rather than using "straight acting"
Thanks Shinen for the differentiation..
85. 2009-02-08 20:41  
I think the word "straight-acting" is a polite way of telling ppl that "I'm not sissy" or "No sissy, please".
However, it has been vastly misused by gay ppl just like the use of the word "gay" by straight ppl. Come on, what is "gay acting" anyway and who to judge what behaviour or a demeanor is gay or straight?
86. 2009-02-12 22:05  
I think that an underlying theme in your article is that men should be able to openly express their sexuality, but due to certain cultural and social contexts that exist on this planet, it has not been possible to be gay without being restricted or repressed by dominant heterosexual attitudes and conventions. This appears to be evident in the syndrome of convert, pass, cover as defined by Kenji Yoshino. The important point that has come out of your article is the expression of 'love', and that this expression is often governed by sexual identity. Why does the expression of love have to be limited to a certain type of person, such as someone who is "straight-acting". Isn't love a natural state of being that can be directed to whoever I find attractive. I think it is important now for both hetrosexual and gay communities to move beyond dualistic conceptions of 'appropriate' love, and maybe move in the direction of the universal unconditional love that has existed well before the words 'gay', 'heterosexual', or 'straight-acting' were created. On the other hand, I also think that modern social and cultural contexts need to be transformed to a certain extent so that the many levels of love can be expressed...... Hopefully your writing Shinen is helping this transformation begin........
87. 2009-02-16 11:53  
Post #76 Mettaphor - Very good points.
The world's indeed getting more superfical & it's sad almost everyone u know-gay/bi or straight, begins judging & making presumptions simply by appearances alone- which, btw is a very stupid thing cause the surface's always the easiest to modify...& manipulate.
88. 2009-02-16 20:51  
Post #77 girlongirl - Indeed, I agree with you wholeheartedly. What lies below the surface of our everyday appearances is complex and multilayered. In a way, it is easier for people to make presumptions rather than be open to look a little beyond what they choose to see.

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